Every now and again I get this grand idea in my head mostly prompted by friends and acquaintances badgering when I plan on getting back out there and dating, "I think I'm ready to start dating again". In my head I'm thinking it would be fun to go on dates and meet new people, maybe reconnect with some old ones, whatever. Being a divorced single mom I realize I may come with a little baggage now so essentially it is harder to find someone who is willing to deal with that but who am I to deny myself the company of someone that does not include my friends, family, or son. Unfortunately though, those thoughts are only short lived and dissipate as fast as they come when I start thinking about all the things that come along with dating. Not to say that I don't love men but relationships are not easy and do I really have the energy for that? Sadly I think not.
There are a lot of guessing games that go along with the beginning of relationships and dating. Everything is new and fun but you really (most of the time) don't know each other that well and is scary at the same time. Everyone is on their best behavior trying to make a good impression. Since its hard to say things or hear things from someone that you may not necessarily want to hear and sometimes those things can be hurtful we tend to keep them inside and are left most of the time not knowing what some one's true feelings are. You start second guessing everything you feel like you know about relationships, sex, and the other sex in general and over analyze every spoken word (or in the modern technological world, unspoken). Everyone has a wall up due to past experiences and fears but lets be honest, men's walls are stronger and hold more in. And of course women analyze more even the smallest things wondering if there is more meaning to what guys are saying (or not saying). Call me crazy but that doesn't seem to be a good combination.
And then there is the "game". What is the game? Are we playing croquet or full contact football or what? I'm not sure I understand the purpose of the game nor do I think I was ever any good at it. Does anyone ever win at this game? More importantly what happens to the loser? Playing "games" with people's heads doesn't exactly sound like a good way to get to know what someone is all about. I think I want to meet the person who started this game so I could punch them in the face.
The only thing I can really say I miss about dating and relationships is having someone on your side you can talk to about the little things that happen in your life.
So to date or not to date? I still shutter at the thought.
