As I look into the eyes and mind of my 5 year old, I realize what a lifetime two years seems like to him. Almost half of his life here, his development in mind and body these past two years has turned him into a totally different person. He is independent, he is grounded, he is respectful, he listens, he learns, he loves so freely and openly, he is truly amazing. My partner in life and crime and anyone who has been around us knows how much we need and love each other.
He has learned to dress himself, write his name and some other words, reads starter books, memories songs (some after hearing once I don't even realize he knows), understands grammar, verb tenses and plurals, can do simple math problems, can catch a ball and throw one on target, makes his bed, brushes his own teeth and hair, understands rules to games, loves to help me do stuff around the house, opens things by himself, makes popcorn in the microwave by himself (with my eyes on him), makes his bed, understands emotions and expresses them, shows empathy for others, stands up for what he believes in. His hair has darkened, his chin and cheekbones have sharpened, his feet have grown and officially stink like an old man's after wearing his shoes all day, has boney elbows and knees, and defined stomach muscles.
I can't imagine a life with two days without him, let alone two years. I don't understand how a parent could willingly do that. First day of school, first baseball practice, scoring his first soccer goal, 730 days, 10 baseball games, 14 basketball games, 19 soccer games, 2 birthdays, 2 Christmases, one hospital stay, one ER visit, countless scrapes and bruises, countless hugs and kisses. I'm so thankful for the male influences he does have around him like PaPaw, Carson, Harley, Daniel, Jason, Jonathan. I know he knows in his heart something is missing as we have had several discussions after questions being asked. How do you explain to a child its not his fault? That he is wanted? That his other family members aren't going to abandon him? The only painful reminder that remains is a picture in his bedroom, otherwise I'm unsure if he would know what he even looks like.
He reminds me so much of mysefl when I was little, a people pleaser, loves animals, hates chocolate, very sensitive, devastates him to get in trouble. He doesn't understand the significance of this day but I do. The past two years have taken a toll on me emotionally, physically, monetarily. But worth every second, every hug, every tear with my little man.
