Are relationships really meant to be forever?
Many of you who really know me know my opinion on this topic and it may seem pessimistic given that I am officially divorced as of less than two weeks ago but I feel like I have a lot of unanswered questions. During my therapy sessions I had while I was going through a particularly rough time with myself and my marriage I often had conversations with my therapist as to whether it was actually a realistic notion that every person is meant to be with just one person until death do you part.
Now, let me go ahead and put a disclaimer out there so I don’t get hate email from my married friends that I am not saying this applies to everyone. There are people out there who will stay together for the rest of their lives, although some may be for reasons other than pure love, admiration, and desire for each other. Among other reasons, some may be to not further complicate their family situation (for the kids). Again being cynical and speaking from an experienced child’s prospective; this may not be a healthy environment for the children after all. Some parents can become withdrawn, resentful, and/or depressed. And again speaking from experience, children at any given age are much more aware of their parent’s unhappiness than we give them credit for. Another reason may be comfort whether monetary or emotional. Emotional contentment is not necessarily a bad thing but in order to really make things work you must have other reasons to keep the marriage and in some cases the sex life alive and well. Feeling that physical (sexual) closeness with your spouse is an important part of a successful marriage. Without it, let’s be honest, both people are more likely to want to feel that closeness with someone else. But, given the right combination of all reasons to stay with one person their entire life, I sincerely think there are some couples close to me who are meant to be.
However, I do think there are just some people who are not wired to be with one person forever. Let’s take other animals as an example. There are only 8 other animals who have a lifelong soul mate. Wolves, Gibbons (type of ape), and a human dwelling parasitic worm called a Schistosoma Mansoni Worm are the only animals other than birds that exhibit this characteristic. And speaking of animals, if it is conceivable that we were once apes ourselves, isn’t it conceivable that we have evolved or evolving into non soul mate beings? Have we just gone along with what our ancestors say we are supposed to do (be with one person) because we don’t know any other way or are afraid of what other people will think? Can we really be physically, emotionally, and sexually satisfied with one other person our whole life? Am I just being too cynical? It is frequently reported that the divorce rate in the US is 50%. Although not accurately reported by many, it is actually close to what is reasonably accurate (between 41% and 50%). The numbers are even scarier for second and third marriages. So, that poses the question, where are we going wrong? Why are we unhappy and what would keep us happy? I really have more questions than answers at this point and of course in true therapist form my therapist doesn’t answer any of these questions just poses another question that gets me thinking and distracts me.
Keep in mind, this doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t believe in love. I have been in love before and I hope I get a chance to do so again (other than my undying/unconditional love for my sweet little man). But will it last forever?
Well said Sarah! I think a lot of it has to also do with growing together. Not just growing old, but growing as emotional and sensual beings. if you don't grow together then you grow apart and in the newer generations it is sometimes easier to hang it up then try to fix it. Even if you do try to fix it, Both partners have to be on the same page or it still doesn't work. I've always said I learned just as much from My divorce as i did from My marriage and use that growth to apply to later relationships. 50% may be getting divorced but %50 are staying together as well.
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