Women are from Pluto?! Men are from Uranus?!

I thought the use of Pluto here since its not really a planet and Uranus, for obvious reasons, would be the best fit in this title.

There have been several studies lately relating to the brain function of men and women.  It has now been said that women have a more white matter and think more with their whole brains better than men due to the extended network of brain processors the white matter provides and men have more grey matter, 4% more brain cells, and think more with their left sides of their brains. No wonder we tend to over analyze everything and men can't multi-task.  Women also have a deeper limbic system in the brain than men which controls feelings and emotions.  This is also why men aren't as "in touch" with their feelings as women.  See guys, you really do have an excuse.  It has also been thought that men must have a larger section of the brain that produced more aggression than women but it has been discovered that women are equal in that aspect but assert their aggression in language with the better language skills from all that white matter.  So this is why men tend to be more physically aggressive (which we won't complain about in the bedroom right ladies?) and women have a tendency to say cutting word like "You are selfish!" when arguing.  But, this is not supposed to be a science lesson, more like satirical stereotyping.

Let me start by saying, this does not at all reflect anyone other than what I have experienced myself.  Don't get your panties in a wad if you feel like this is about you, find comfort that I'm not using your name and if you take offense to this and are that "self-centered" to think it is all about you we may need to re-evaluate our friendship anyways.  Also, I tried to make this as even as possible.

Women and men, its okay to agree to disagree to end an argument.  This by no means admits defeat on either side and (women) this does not mean that your man is necessarily mad.

Women, if your man says after an argument everything is fine, let it go, do not bring it up again.  Go about your normal life, sleep in your normal place with your arm around his chest.

Women, if your man says nothing is wrong then nothing is wrong.  Stop asking.  Are you sure nothing is wrong?  Well, now it is because you won't shut up asking me.

Men, if you are angry about something that was not done correctly or to your standards say your peace and be done with it.  Feel free to laugh about your woman accidentally making your underwear pink in the laundry because after its done there is nothing she can do about it and your yelling does not change that.  I'm sure she has learned her lesson and will be happy to buy you more.

Women, just because your man doesn't want to hold your hand or kiss you in public does not mean he loves you any less.  He just doesn't have that brain functionality as I explained earlier and is afraid to get his man card revoked.

Women and men, do not compare your significant other or relationship to anyone else's.  Its annoying.  That's great your girlfriend's husband brings home flowers once a week for his wife.  Flowers die.  And I appreciate that your best friend's wife packs his lunch and has dinner ready for him every night when he gets home.  I would love to do that for you but cooking and doing house chores won't necessarily pay the bills.

Women, men are not mind readers.  In fact, they are completely opposite.  Sometimes you even have to point out the obvious.  I cannot emphasize this enough.  Your man doesn't know you need help doing the dishes or running the kids somewhere without you telling them and even then you might have to tell them exactly where to put the dishes and exactly where the soccer field is because like I said, sometimes you have to point out the obvious.  Which brings me to...

Men, before going straight to the asking where something is or goes, use common sense.  In the time it takes you to come ask me and me to tell you the extra diapers are in the closet or the baby lotion is in the far left basket on the top shelf of the changing table you probably could have found it yourself.

Women, if you are going to cry about dumb things like movies or breaking a nail don't expect your man to make you feel better.  Furthermore, emotions should try to be contained during arguments as men find this annoying.  Its not a good weapon and doesn't work because they suck at dealing with women who are emotional.

Men, when we are telling you about a problem with our family or at work, etc we probably just want you to listen.  If we specifically ask for your opinion, you might want to check and make sure we really want your opinion then go ahead and give it to us.  But that is the only occasion where we want your opinion on what to do, otherwise, just listen and look sympathetic.  You don't have to fix everything you come in contact with.

Women, we know we talk a lot.  A really lot!  Don't expect men to listen to everything you say as long as they act like they are.  Just the important things, and make sure to outline that it is important and keep it simple.  And remember what I said about men only using one side of their brain and not being good at multi-tasking?  Well, I suggest if its important you not tell him while hes doing anything else (especially watching TV).

Men, do not expect women to be as logical as you are.  That's why you are a left brain thinker.  The reason being is best summarized in this article.  "It can only compare like things quantitatively and then apply pre-established rules to produce a result or decision. It is a powerful tool in its sphere, but its sphere is limited and completely uncreative."  There are two key components you see here that us women do not do, 1.  rules, 2.  uncreative (Why do you think Pintrest is so popular?).

Men, it only takes 2 minutes after you groom yourself and get rid of all the hair and nail clippings, etc on the bathroom counter.  Just remember, we could start leaving tampons all over (hopefully no one I know already does that).

Men, you are not dying when you are sick.  Remember when I had the same virus and still got up, got the kids to school, got the kids to soccer, got dinner ready, etc.  If you are going to whine and complain, just stay in bed and don't bother us until you are better.

Men, if you are going to fart on me just remember me doing it to you is fair game.  Its better than the alternative (see South Park season 13 episode 4).

Women, if you say you are "fine", men take it literally.  If you are not "fine" say so then and resolve the problem before it escalates.  As stated above, men are not mind readers and a lot of times the things we see as obvious are not to them and never will be no matter how many times we pout and huff and puff around the house. 

Men, do not use women for the sole blame for your not getting any.  More often, you are too tired, stressed, or possibly having physical issues that we care not to embarrass you about.  Subsequently...

Women, do not use sex as a weapon.  If you are abstaining, do not expect your man to abstain as well from the use of porn, looking a little too hard at the neighbor walking to get the paper in her sexy nightgown, talking a little too long with the mail lady with the big rack, or for more serious offenders finding it elsewhere. 

Women, its not a "compromise" if you are not doing any of the compromising. We tend to over use this word or use it when its not valid.  Furthermore, there are some things that will never been compromised and we just have to learn to accept that.

Men, be up front and honest about your feelings towards any particular situation.  It's okay to sometimes treat your girlfriend's feelings like she is fragile but not when it comes at the extent of your beliefs and happiness.  In other words, in these situations find a happy medium between being an asshole and a pussy.  If you don't want to take professional pictures in matching Christmas sweaters for you and the dogs then speak up. 

Women, you have the common misconception that we can change men.  Men are by no means exempt from this as well as they can try to change women too (i.e. turn a hoe into a housewife).  If you cannot learn to live with the imperfections and idiosyncrasies of the other person, you need to go ahead and move on to the next. 

And most importantly, women and men, let the past be just that.  Your past relationships, arguments, and problems should never have anything to do with your present and future with your significant other.  This is probably the #1 ruiner of relationships.  Every relationship molds you into what you do and don't want in your next relationship but that by no means is a reason to stalk your current boyfriend because your past one cheated on you.  Or any time there is an argument bringing up how your girlfriend embarrassed you while she was drunk and picked a fight with you at a party.  Learn to accept them for who they are or what they/or exes may have done and move on from these things or move on from the relationship. 

I feel like I have become very wise in my years of relationships and hope I continue to gain knowledge of how men and women's minds work.  We are definitely very different creatures, aliens from different planets who converge in the name of companionship and the hope to find someone to drive you crazy for the rest of your life.