People of the mall

One of my co-worker actually suggested I write this one when we were having a discussion about all the legally insane people we see everyday.  Of course working with the public anyways you will run into all sorts of different types of people but I don't know what it is about the mall, there seems to be an abundance of really "different" types of people.  Some of them we can just look at from afar saying "don't come in here, please don't come in here", sometimes they do anyways, hell sometimes we even get bored and try to provoke an encounter for entertainment purposes.  But one thing is for sure, there is never a dull moment. 

One of the things we see from time to time here are fights.  I can think of 3 separate instances where people of the mall have come to blows.  One of them that happened just two weeks ago had to be cleaned up with hazmat type gear from all the blood.  It was rumored a couple of the local hockey boys jumped a drunk guy who smarted off to them.  He got an expensive ride to the hospital shortly after the incident and when I left for the day there was droplets of blood still all over the floor. 

Another fighting instance was in line at the license department satellite office just down the hall from us (also about 15 feet from where the first incident was).  I know previously when I had been to renew my tags or get my ID renewed before working here I thought "Good God, would it kill you to smile at me?  Is your life that terrible?" but after seeing the things the employees deal with on a daily basis, their life is that terrible and I have major respect for them because it would probably change my outlook on the public and people as well and knowing them on a personal basis now they are actually all good people.  Anyways, a fight broke out one day in line at the license department on the last day of the month (because lets be honest, we live in America where the majority of us are procrastinators).  The lines literally extend from 50 to 100 feet at any given time on the last day of the month and it was rumored that one person stepped out of line for a "smoke break" then came back and all hell broke loose.  It was also rumored said person was drunk which begs the question, why the hell are these people coming to the mall when they are drunk?  You can't go to a bar like a normal person?  Luckily mall security (Barney Fife) was close by and could escort him from the building which is something I would have liked to witness for entertainment purposes as well. 

My last and most favorite fight was a mall walker fight.  The majority of the mall walkers are a minimum of 60 years old and the particular ones I am speaking of here are 75+ which makes this even more golden.  We had one dirty old man mall walker who would always have to stop at every store and wave at every single employee in the store before he would move to the next but if you were pretty (and blonde) he would make sure to sign to you "I'm watching you" and track you down to get a hug when you left your respected store.  He was definitely a pimp and that was confirmed when he had two old ladies take to blows fighting over his affections.  No telling what he had done to cause these sweet old ladies to try to knock each others dentures out but entertaining none the less.

We also got told by a security guard one day to be on the lookout for a man who was peeing on people.  Apparently this man would just whip it out if he thought you were attractive and pee on your leg as he had already done to a couple female mall employees.  I for one was highly offended I was not a victim of the pee bandit.  Am I not pretty enough? 

And then the man who wanted me to use his mug shot as a source of identification and named off a judge's name he knew "personally".  Um...no.  Upon further investigation he had actually been arrested 7 times just in the past 6 months mostly for disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.  I'm sure you do know that judge "personally". 

Another man who had just been hanging out all day on the chairs outside came in and asked if anyone had a bible.  We said no and he left.  He came back shortly later and said "are you sure you don't have a bible?"  One of my employees who felt bad for him because of his obvious struggle said "No, but I can look up a scripture for you on my phone if you need it."  He said, "Do you just have a piece of paper?"  She said "sure" and handed it to him.  He wrote on it in front of her "DEVIL" then left with the paper never to return. 

Then there is the woman who would come in for hours at a time with hair dye still in her hair who after a little provocation one day told one of my employees "Girl, you ain't a slut, you just like to get your titties sucked!" as she was lewdly rubbing her chest.  Not once but twice repeated it.  And this was after lifting up her skirt and adjusting her panty hose in the middle of the lobby. 

And then the store owner husband and wife duo who likes to take their domestic disputes to the middle of the mall right in front of our window (instead of in the back at their store) with screaming and yelling (in native tongue), finger pointing, and some shoving.  This has not been an isolated incident either but they seem to unite when mall security comes and tells them to take it in their store and they start yelling at them in their native tongue. 

Walking past the bus stop always seems to be entertaining too although most of the time I try not to make eye contact.  A couple months ago I was leaving work for lunch and noticed a couple sitting on the bench waiting for the bus (insert Violent Femmes, "standing on the corner, waiting for the bus").  I started to slow down as I walked past and noticed the woman was loudly yelling at the man so everyone could hear "I have all these people coming up to me at church telling me you drunk and you on drugs and you been going down on 8th to the whore houses.  How is that supposed to make me feel (insert name)?  Wait a minute, is you high right now?  Awww, hell no, you gonna have to find another bus!"

Also, working in an office full of beautiful women feel like I could write a whole separate post on the pick up lines and creepy people who range from wanting to pet/touch our hair, you are "gawgous", staring through the glass doors too long making us duck and crawl to the break room in a dress, telling us they have jungle fever, or that we are the most beautiful women they have ever seen and any guy would be lucky to be with any of us (I guess he just wanted a piece of any of us, didn't matter who). 

So just remember, if you are ever walking by we are probably watching to gauge how much crazy you have in you.  We notice everything.