Pork BBQ Baked Potato Casserole

Had to share this recipe partly because I feel like I invented it (was looking for a similar recipe is a guide but was able to find what I wanted so just adapted and made my own) and also because it was amazing!  I made it in honor of the Olympics because you cannot get more American than BBQ and Baked Potatoes (and bacon).

Pork BBQ Baked Potato Casserole
4 cups already cooked and shredded BBQ
1 bottle BBQ sauce
Hot sauce (optional or however much you like)
3 large potatoes sliced
1 1/2 cups sour cream
2 cups shredded cheese
Bacon bits or Bacon cut up uncooked
Potato chips, about a cup crushed
Green Onion, sliced

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.  I really just layered everything starting with BBQ at the bottom going down to the shredded cheese.  I started with the BBQ instead of the potatoes because I hate how when you do Au gratin Potatoes they always stick no matter how you grease the dish so that's why I decided to do them closer to the top.  If you use raw bacon, bake it with the dish and the yummy greasiness gets incorporated into the casserole.  Bake covered around 30 minutes.  Add potato chips and if using bacon bits for an additional 10 minutes uncovered.  Top with Green onions.

Yes, I would have my girlfriend's baby

This is totally random subject that I just felt like I wanted to touch on because of the number of people I know who have struggled with this. 

I have been fortunate enough to be able to experience the beginning of the human circle of life in my pregnancy and birth of Max.  I was also fortunate enough to have an easy breezy pregnancy and birth.  And although through the process of getting to know myself and my feelings after the divorce has changed my mind for the future, (If I find someone who I fall in love with and wants to have kids great.  If not, great.  I am happy with my healthy and happy little boy.) I can't help but think about the people who have or are struggling with being as fortunate.  It breaks my heart to see a wonderful, loving, happy couple who struggle to get the one thing they want to make them feel complete or give them a purpose.  And the stress and worry it can put on your body only makes it more difficult physiologically and the stress and worry it can put on a the happy couple in general can be detrimental to their marriage or life together. 

Unfortunate that it is so costly but anything in modern medicine and especially "elective" is costly but fortunate that there are lots of options available for couples who have a hard time conceiving.  IVF, IUI, and numerous fertility drugs to name a few.  But of course there are no promises and they can yield equally as frustrating results...or even worse you could turn out like Octomom (not really since her Dr. got her license revoked).  There is one option that would be last resort for a lot of people since 1.  I can imagine it would be hard to approach the subject with a friend and 2.  It can be difficult for some women to admit defeat like they feel less of a woman or a mother if they are unable to go through the whole process but that is surrogacy.  So girlfriend, will I have your baby you ask?  Without hesitation yes.

Many people who know me well know I am that person who is constantly pondering the question in my head "What can I do for you?  How can I help you?  How can I make your life easier?" whether it be cooking you a good home cooked meal, making you a drink, helping plan/set up/clean up for a party, helping advocate a cause you believe in, etc.  And I really don't do these things conscientiously a lot of the time, I'm just a people-pleaser and get great joy out of other people's joy.  So for someone who had an easy pregnancy and feels like they mentally could handle it why would I not want to give someone the joy and sense of meaning having a child can bring who may not otherwise get the chance?  Obviously there would have to be some agreeable stipulations like would have to be someone I was close to and are a loving and happy couple who have struggled, would have to be a good point in my life, prenatal and postnatal health care 100% paid for (normally is in that situation), and still be able to have contact with the child after birth.  And I'm not talking about "visitation" or anything, I mean my body would just be used as a vessel really, not my sperm or egg and not my child. 

I realize this concept may seem completely out there to some people, especially who have had tough pregnancies and births and those who would feel like they were essentially "giving a baby away" that they have carried for 9 months but those things do not reflect my opinion on this matter.  So yes, in conclusion, I would have my girlfriend's baby. 

Super Mom Sunday

Just another Super Sunday in the life of a Super Mom.  All I can say is I'm exhausted and going to bed as soon as this post gets done.  Today is my Mom's (Mimi) birthday so Max was incredibly excited to do birthday things like make a cake (and of course gluten free cupcakes for me), blow up balloons, finger paint a birthday card, etc.  I figure its the least that we can do for a woman who birthed me and gives Max and I so much of her time and attention.  So that's how we spend most of our morning after waking up at 9:15 which is very late for us.

Only food coloring we had left in the house (didn't feel like going to the store)

And since Sunday is the normal cleaning/laundry day (the house looked embarrassing beforehand) that's how I spent most of the afternoon.  And made a nice little spread of heavy hors d'oeuvres that consisted of Bang Bang Shrimp, Lettuce wraps with a gluten free peanut sauce from another recipe, and steak kabobs on the grill, all before 6:00.

And now I can finally reveal all the little projects I have been working on the past week or so.  Mimi got for her birthday a framed monogrammed with buttons fabric canvas, matching wreath, and painted vase with vinyl monogram and tied with coordinating fabric and ribbon.

I also covered 2 cookie sheets with fabric for me to hang on the wall for magnet boards.  One of them which is hanging inside my pantry door will be used as a hanging spice rack using magnetized old baby food containers with lids spray painted with chalk board paint so I can write on them what each one contains.  The other hanging in my bathroom will be to magnetize my make up and stick to it but although I haven't gotten to the gluing magnets to objects yet.  Here are the covered cookie sheets.

Will definitely try to remember to update pictures when I'm done with the boards as I am very excited about extra organization.  Today has definitely been a full day.  Was so excited when Mimi and Cici did arrive at my house so I could at least shower today.  I have come to the conclusion, I realize now why I sleep so good at night and that is because I go as hard as my almost 3 year old all day long then night time I crash and don't move until the day starts the next day.  There is no rest in the life of a super mom.  

Will you still be my friend? Friendships that last through thick and thin

People and relationships are constantly growing and evolving and things seem to go in waves at different times (ages) in our lives.  People who were your friends in Elementary school may not have made it through Middle and High school because of personality changes and differences and the same being for High school to College and College into adulthood.  At all of these life transitions there seems to be a turning point in your relationships that either keep them going (maybe even stronger) or break them or fizzle them off.  Mostly these changes occur because the other person or persons may not understand your transition or your new priority.  For instance, when you get married or even just a serious couple your friendships towards other married couples (people with lives like yourself) become prevalent and unfortunately I have even been hurt by and seen somewhat of the same trend in my recent divorced life.  Same goes for people with children.  Your friends who don't have children may not understand that your child naps at a certain time every time therefore you are somewhat confined to the house during that period or they must eat at a certain time to combat crankiness so an 8:00 dinner time isn't exactly conducive.  Or that you can't just drop everything and go have happy hour after work.  For a lot of people the lack of personal experience can be detrimental to a friendship.  With that being said, can friends going through different life changes still be friends? 

I really think the answer to the question lies somewhere between the strength of the friendship and understanding of that person.  There are a few friends in my life that I may not see all the time or go long periods without seeing or talking to and it doesn't really make us any less of friends when we get together, giggling like school girls like no time has passed.  Those are the type of bonds that can last through just about anything not just having children, other major life changes whether it be temporarily put on hold due to a controlling boyfriend, having a new child, having a new live in boyfriend, etc.  Deep down you know that person is always going to come back to you, they just disappear and reappear like herpes.  Those are the type of friends who realize your absences had nothing to do with how you felt about them, its adjusting to having a new child, having your boyfriend move in, or learning how to get rid of that awful controlling boyfriend.  That's where being understanding comes in.  It can be hard on a friendship, especially a very close one, knowing its not just about them anymore, they have a life with you and a life with their significant other and family.  But these lives can coexist.  I take the movie "Ted" for instance. (Stupidly hilarious.  A talking teddy bear who throws out the F bomb, has parties, and hires prostitutes.  How is that not funny?)  This teddy bear has been his best friend his entire life and now he has to learn to balance his time between his girlfriend and his best friend?  And imagine how the friend and girlfriend feel?  Jealous, left out, afraid of being left behind.  But eventually both the girlfriend and the friend (Ted) learn they have to be understanding enough and considerate enough of each other because that's what makes him happy and blah, blah, blah, happily ever after.  Now, to all you non kid having friends out there, I'm not saying you have to take into consideration every time you plan something when your kid having friend's child eat, sleeps, and shits and know their schedule by heart but if you truly want to make that friendship work you need to make some sort of effort of consideration to those things like maybe ask what would work better or try to plan something ahead of time where child care can be arranged rather than last minute. I'm not even saying you have to love your friends kids.  Hell one of my best friends doesn't want kids, doesn't know what to do with them.  But you do have to be tolerant and including. 

So the answer is yes, but that definitely depends on the right person and right friendship.   

Back away from my man "Summer of Sex"!

Warning:  If I had to rate this conversation it would be NC17. (I'm getting tired of putting warnings out there but feel like I have to.)

I have heard recently that 2012 is the "summer of sex" because of books like 50 Shades of Grey (which is being made into a movie) and the movie Magic Mike and now the impending re-release of the Sleeping Beauty trilogy from the 1980s which to me sounds utterly fabulous.  Based on the fairy tale Sleeping Beauty in a medieval fantasy world telling the story of the sexual adventures of the main character Beauty from the same writer who brought us Interview with a Vampire (Ann Rice).  I'm actually sad I have never heard of it until now as it somewhat brings older times which I am very into in my movies and reading and more modern times (well modern as the 80s) together.  Anyways, this one is definitely going on my reading list.  But, this also brings up an important question, with all the erotic entertainment as of late are American women becoming too in touch with their sexuality?  Does this threaten our relationships?   

I'm going to give you my opinion on this subject since this is my blog and of course there are always going to be differing opinions as there are with every aspect of life.  I for one find the fact that more American woman are turning to this sort of literature liberating.  Why shouldn't we be?  Our boyfriends/husbands look at pornography of their choosing while us and the kids are in bed or in our beds reading our erotic novels or whatever else we choose to read.  Now that's not to say I agree with excessive porn watching while neglecting your wife/girlfriend but that is for another blog and day.  In fact, I know it has given some women a sense of adventure and experimentation with their significant others they may have not had before if they had not read it.  And I have rarely ever heard a man complain about their significant other being a little extra randy after reading books or watching movies.  This is a lot of why I really am a firm believer not so much of what the writers words are (since it is no literary piece of work) but what they stand for.  I feel that women need to understand how to express themselves through their bodies more.  If we don't know the things that excite us, how are we supposed to communicate that our significant others?  I wouldn't think if our bodies were just vessels made to breed children we would get so much pleasure from such an act (orgasm).  I also feel too often women are ashamed of their bodies mostly because of what we believe are imperfections.  How many women do you know really look like the girls on TV, movies, and magazines?  Come on girls, we have to give ourselves realistic expectations.  I'm not saying you shouldn't better yourself if you want to but be real too.  Even a lot of the media outlets now a days are portraying un-photo shopped and un-made up images of celebs which proves photo shop and make up artists really can work wonders.  I have to say I envy the Europeans' sexual liberty in their publications, movies, and television.  Not only are they more open to their sexuality and more in touch with their sexual feelings with their significant others but a lot of their publications do portray "real" people.  But, even if we decide these are things we don't want to act out with our significant other (which is to each their own as far as the things they would and wouldn't do), it can still give us women a fantasy (Definition: imagine the occurrence of) which can carry over into our bedroom.  Just because you fantasize about something doesn't mean you necessarily want that something to actually happen; That is why it is called a fantasy. 

So in conclusion, if this type of literature and cinema gives us a liberating understanding of our sexuality that can carry over into our relationships with our significant others, why not embrace it?

Octomom VS Teen Mom: Lesser of two evils?

Warning:  Language and F-bombs not suitable for kids.

There seems to be more of an abundance of unconventional families in the world today.  And although with the staggering divorce statistics I mentioned earlier its not surprising, I am talking about a different kind of unconventional.  Being a single mom to one child can be trying even on good days but it seems like the media and television have taken single moms to a whole other level.  I absolutely blame media and television for creating monsters like Octomom and Teen Moms but that also wouldn't be at all possible without the public interest in how these families live.  I for one have always boycotted anything that has to do with any of these characters because I find it a disgusting degradation of the children in these situations.  If I want to watch a show about fucked up crazy people I can just watch Jersey Shore.  I don't need to watch a show that exploits these poor children by showing what fucked up thing their mom does today.  Can you imagine these children watching these shows at a later date when they are teenagers (seemingly their parent's age in some cases) or beyond?  Anyways, this post is not about what I think of their shows, its about which one is more fucked up.

The whole reason I made this post possible today is because I read a story the other day about how the Octomom just released a sex tape.  Are you kidding me?  Mind you, she "leaked" this video herself which further adds to my point.  I could see how there would be some public interest and public and media frenzy around stars like Paris Hilton (in her prime of course, not the crack whore she looks like now) and Kim Kardashian with her massively insured ass releasing a sex tape but Octomom?  I would like to for visual sake pray that she did not have all 14 of her children vaginally because that otherwise would cause any person viewing it to lose sleep and appetite for days so this is potentially hazardous to our health as well.  She says she has done it for her children, to make money after filing for bankruptcy this year which brings up another question.  Who in their right mind would willingly have 14 children to raise solely by them self anyways?  And she didn't even begin the IVF process until after her and her husband separated due to their differing opinions on IVF.  She had her Doctor who had her license revoked I might add implant the last 12 embryos of her earlier fertilized eggs from which she already had six children into her at once because she did not want to "waste them".  12!!!!!  The normal is two.  And she said she decided to have all the children and to not use public assistance because she was going to eventually be able to afford to take care of all of them when she got her master's degree.  How did completing school go for you oh mother of 14 children?  Not to mention your "non use" of public assistance on a pretty consistent basis when you are not posing nude or making porn?  And lastly to make my point the mother of the year quote at first denied then later was discovered to be recorded on audio tape to In Touch Weekly,  "I hate babies, they disgust me... Obviously, I love them — but I absolutely wish I had not had them." 

When the show on MTV 16 and Pregnant first started, I remember watching an episode or two thinking that it had the possibility of showing America how difficult and unglamorous the life of a pregnant teenager was.  I remember there were a couple of girls I went to high school with who were severely outcast and talked about quite negatively because of their situations.  Viewers started to understand and feel their pain about how their lives would change because of bad decisions made.  Then when MTV got a little greedy, the Teen Mom spin off is where it all began to take a drastic change.  These same Teen Mom's who were on 16 and Pregnant were beginning to be recognized in public and started getting publicists to help them further their careers in the "entertainment industry" started growing horns.  Teens all over American took notice of how they could become rich and famous if they just had a child and got on MTV like it was an audition for American Idol.  Obviously the most disgusting display and the Teen Mom I would use for this purpose is Amber.  After publicly domestically abusing her boyfriend on national television which I agree was a much needed wake up call to society of how men are not always the abusers in domestic violence situations, she also did this in front of her infant/toddler daughter.  This makes me scared.  If she is this abusive her to boyfriend who she supposedly loves and still wants to be with, what is she going to do to this child later in life?  And not to mention, as in many domestic violence situations, is this child going to grow up thinking it is ok to abuse her own father or other men in her life?  And then the constant drug abuse that is obviously going on with her as well.  She was found in possession of crack cocaine you say?  Why does this not surprise me?  All you had to do was not do drugs and pass a mandatory drug test you knew was coming every month so that you didn't have to go to prison.  Maybe a lesbian lover is what she needs since she seemingly hates men so much.  If not, you better get used to it girl because vagina is all you are going to see in jail for the next five years.  I just hope your boyfriend can grow some balls in that time period and take you to court to get awarded full custody. 

As for the lesser of two evils, I'm not sure there is a winner in that argument.  Although Octomom was clearly easier and more fun to make fun of, Teen Mom is definitely the more gruesome display of parenthood.  I'm sure you have heard the saying "Anyone can be a father but it takes a real man to be a dad" and I think that saying holds true to mothers as well.  "Any mother can birth a child, but it takes a real, caring, and unselfish woman to be a mommy". 

Even Super Mom Gets Depressed

It’s a fact that one in four adults suffer from some sort of mental illness in a given year.  Whether it be some sort of depression, severe social anxieties, bipolar, schizophrenia, and the list goes on and on.  But why is it talked about so little?  I relate it to the dreaded parental talks about sex with your child.  Is it because we don’t know how to relay the message without feeling awkward or maybe because we think if we don’t talk about it surely it will go away and won’t ever present itself?  Or simply denial that we ourselves have once felt this way and we don’t want our children to think we are weak or seemingly different from everyone else?  Is there room for this sort of teaching in the classroom environment for tolerance and understanding of mental illness?  For one in four people I sure hope so.

It seems the older I get the more I am exposed to mental illness with not only more of the people I know but also different kinds of mental illnesses and seeing as the median age for diagnosis is 30 and I am 30 it makes sense.  It has made me come to realize how common this really is and how people who struggle with this should not feel outcast or alone.  I myself have struggled with depression at various times of my life.  Two of the biggest and most recent episodes were postpartum and during the demise of my marriage.  These were two very different types of feelings at two overlapping times of my life.  I wish to share my story in hopes I can help someone not feel alienated by their own self.

I was first put on a very small dosage of antidepressant during my third trimester with Max really to take the edge off.  My Doctor thought it was a good idea to get me on something I could take after birth as well which was really fine by me.  I was understandably having anxiety issues about being a first time parent and the whole birth process.  I was so nervous about birthing a child I refused to watch any shows or movies that had any child birthing scenes in it (unlike a lot of my fellow pregnant friends).   Little did I know, that would almost be the easiest part.  The lack of sleep and overwhelming constant need of mind, body, and soul from your child can be a lot for a new mother.  It can be a lot for a marriage that was based on 5 whole years of just us too.  My entire life, our entire married lives were focused around us and only us and it shifts to this little 7 pound human that lived inside you for 9 months.  Your entire life in the tiny hands of a 7 pound human.  It can be quite scary.  The first five months aside from all the occasional hostility towards my now ex (they seem to always get the brunt of the postpartum episodes) and frustration when I didn't know what I was doing really wasn't that bad.  Of course, going back to work and having to leave my sweet little bundle of bodily fluids was not an easy time but I adjusted or so it seemed.  I decided without consulting my Doctor first (first and worst mistake) that I didn't need the antidepressants anymore because I felt so good.  I was horribly wrong and although I knew within a couple months of stopping my antidepressant I had to get back on I was already on a self destructive spiral with my self esteem and an already flawed marriage.  I loved my son very much and don't wish to understate that fact through all this nor does he have anything to do with how I was feeling but I felt like I had lost my identity.  I wasn't Sarah anymore, I was Jon's wife and/or Max's mom; I felt like I didn't even have a name.  Of course I don't wish to divulge any of the rest of the details from the demise of my marriage but ultimately I had to start seeing a therapist to sort through the feelings I had (especially with the marriage and self esteem, blaming myself for everything) and had to up my dosage of antidepressant.  When we upped the dosage I was also dealing with the fact that my marriage was over so it was more to help me with the grieving I was going through.  The grieving for the life I had, the life I thought I would have forever, the life my son had and would change forever.  There were many nights I ended up crying myself to sleep in the closet.  I don't know what it was about that closet I found comfort in.

It now has been several months since I have recovered and started the new chapter in my life and over a month since I have been (with Doctor advice this time) weened off the antidepressant.  I am happier than I have ever been, more in love than I have ever been (Max), more in tuned to Max's emotions and feelings which has ultimately made me a better mother than I have ever been, and have a deeper understanding of myself and my feelings, and also of other people's feelings who have had similar feelings I have had.  Mental illness doesn't just happen to "crazy people", it happens every day, all over, in plain sight to plain people and although we don't chose the feelings we have we chose whether to acknowledge its existence.