"What have I gotten myself into?" was what I kept repeating to myself last night. I know it looks like I am just another Elf on the Shelf mom on the surface but what everyone doesn't know is that Mark and I have reached a crossroads in our relationship. I'm stuck with him and him with me now. Once the Elf on the Shelf tradition has started there is no turning back. So after a couple of cocktails with my favorite girl last night I proceeded to spew choice words toward Mark and his continued shenanigans in the house...every fucking night! Can a Mom get a break for a night? Apparently not.
I am definitely a lazy Elf on the Shelf mom in he sense that if it takes longer than 5 minutes to complete, I'm not going to do it, with the exception of the Christmas countdown chain craft we did (and I use we loosely because Mark is lazier than I am) that took about 15 minutes while I was watching my show on TV.
When Max goes to bed at night that is typically my only time to relax, unwind, and be lazy for the day and Mark really messes up my groove so I apparently hold a lot of resentment towards him. This all came out last night in text message with my Mom when I was ready to go to bed and realized I still had to make this Elf on the Shelf thing happen. 9:54pm, Me: "God damn Mark, I'm sick of this fucking elf." 9:56pm Mom: "Lol, I'm laughing so hard...I know I thought Santa shit was bad to do one night, this is a whole fucking month." One of my bright less than 5 minute ideas for Mark last night was to make him a tire swing hanging from my candle chandelier but what I hadn't banked on is how difficult it is to actually hang a tire swing from just a string and get it leveled enough to where he can swing and it doesn't tip over. That's apparently why normal tire swings have an apparatus with hooks that anchor into 3 or 4 sides of the swing. So after approximately 9 minutes of struggling, 10:05pm, Me: "Didn't know this involved knowing logistics to set him up in a tire swing or make fucking paper airplanes" (which I have learned I have no clue how to do so apparently I am going to have to get one of my guy friends to help out there one night). But after all the knocking over candles and all the things on the table below which sounded like Mark was banging shit together and actually making toys for Santa in our own living room, I finally got his tire swing situated and it turned out very cute.
And then of course there are the days where I just am so exhausted or my mind is on other things that I forget. That normally involves a rushed and panicked moving shit around in the morning while Max is still sleeping or while he is not paying attention in another room. Mark even hid behind my back for a while one morning while I was trying to maneuver Max looking for him and not seeing I hadn't done my part from the night before so all I could come up with without him seeing me was that he had addressed our Christmas cards that needed to go to the mailbox.
I think I played it off pretty well and even my mom said to me, wow, I didn't know Mark actually did nice deeds. Yeah Mom, hes naughty and nice. Even earlier this week I had it all planned that Mark was going to get stickered and literally just forgot to do it before I went to bed. Luckily I woke up before Max did that morning and I was able to sneak out and make it happen.
So, as you can see Mark and I have a love/hate relationship but I have to learn to accept the fact that he's here to stay as well as he has to learn to accept the fact that I am a lazy Elf of the Shelf mom. I'm sure once the 24th rolls around and he has to go back to the North Pole until next holiday season we will have a few too many drinks together as we both will deserve it at that point. Hell, I might even miss the little guy.
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