Every now and again I get this grand idea in my head mostly prompted by friends and acquaintances badgering when I plan on getting back out there and dating, "I think I'm ready to start dating again". In my head I'm thinking it would be fun to go on dates and meet new people, maybe reconnect with some old ones, whatever. Being a divorced single mom I realize I may come with a little baggage now so essentially it is harder to find someone who is willing to deal with that but who am I to deny myself the company of someone that does not include my friends, family, or son. Unfortunately though, those thoughts are only short lived and dissipate as fast as they come when I start thinking about all the things that come along with dating. Not to say that I don't love men but relationships are not easy and do I really have the energy for that? Sadly I think not.
There are a lot of guessing games that go along with the beginning of relationships and dating. Everything is new and fun but you really (most of the time) don't know each other that well and is scary at the same time. Everyone is on their best behavior trying to make a good impression. Since its hard to say things or hear things from someone that you may not necessarily want to hear and sometimes those things can be hurtful we tend to keep them inside and are left most of the time not knowing what some one's true feelings are. You start second guessing everything you feel like you know about relationships, sex, and the other sex in general and over analyze every spoken word (or in the modern technological world, unspoken). Everyone has a wall up due to past experiences and fears but lets be honest, men's walls are stronger and hold more in. And of course women analyze more even the smallest things wondering if there is more meaning to what guys are saying (or not saying). Call me crazy but that doesn't seem to be a good combination.
And then there is the "game". What is the game? Are we playing croquet or full contact football or what? I'm not sure I understand the purpose of the game nor do I think I was ever any good at it. Does anyone ever win at this game? More importantly what happens to the loser? Playing "games" with people's heads doesn't exactly sound like a good way to get to know what someone is all about. I think I want to meet the person who started this game so I could punch them in the face.
The only thing I can really say I miss about dating and relationships is having someone on your side you can talk to about the little things that happen in your life.
So to date or not to date? I still shutter at the thought.
Max
Monday, November 4, 2013
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Max Parker - a letter for the future
Max,
I start to write this post 3 months before your 4th birthday becoming starkly aware of what your presence means to me fearing that if I don't take the time to put it into words now I'm not sure if I will know how to.
I don't know where I would be in this world if it wasn't for you. Although you are completely innocent, you are more strong than I could ever be. You may be unaware of your strength and what your presence means but you are there with me all the time even when we aren't together. I have leaned on you in times when I didn't think my life was worth living other than the sheer knowledge of your existence and how much you needed me. I know I am not alone in saying your smile could wipe away a million tears. You have a higher meaning here on earth and although I am unaware of what that means now I believe its true. Our family would not be whole without you, you are the glue that keeps us together knowing we have no choice but to be your role models and saviors on earth. Although I never want you to feel the hardships I have been through, I want you to know that every pain I have felt has made me and you who we are today. I know I wouldn't be the person and mother I am without it. The love I feel for you can never be duplicated. You are and always will be one of a kind.
I cannot believe it has been almost a year since meningitis. All the days, hours, and minutes we spent in the hospital only brought me closer to you in a time when we both needed it. It gave me more patience and strength than I ever knew I had and made me truly understand what you needed from me as a parent. I cherish our in depth discussions about love, life, nature, and learning during our travel time in the mornings, evenings, and occasional road trips. I believe this will always be our special bonding time. I feel your knowledge, expressions, and feelings are not that of a typical 4 year old and you amaze me every day. Our unspoken words can also sometimes mean more than anything normal feelings can express. I can only hope one day someone will understand your needs and wants as much as I do. You are and always will be the love of my life as I didn't know the true meaning of that until you. I fall more and more in love with you every day. You have taught me more about love and life in your 4 years of existence than my entire 31 years. I hope we never cease to learn from each other and grow together.
I truly understand more and more every day what it is means to be a mother, your mother.
I start to write this post 3 months before your 4th birthday becoming starkly aware of what your presence means to me fearing that if I don't take the time to put it into words now I'm not sure if I will know how to.
I don't know where I would be in this world if it wasn't for you. Although you are completely innocent, you are more strong than I could ever be. You may be unaware of your strength and what your presence means but you are there with me all the time even when we aren't together. I have leaned on you in times when I didn't think my life was worth living other than the sheer knowledge of your existence and how much you needed me. I know I am not alone in saying your smile could wipe away a million tears. You have a higher meaning here on earth and although I am unaware of what that means now I believe its true. Our family would not be whole without you, you are the glue that keeps us together knowing we have no choice but to be your role models and saviors on earth. Although I never want you to feel the hardships I have been through, I want you to know that every pain I have felt has made me and you who we are today. I know I wouldn't be the person and mother I am without it. The love I feel for you can never be duplicated. You are and always will be one of a kind.
I cannot believe it has been almost a year since meningitis. All the days, hours, and minutes we spent in the hospital only brought me closer to you in a time when we both needed it. It gave me more patience and strength than I ever knew I had and made me truly understand what you needed from me as a parent. I cherish our in depth discussions about love, life, nature, and learning during our travel time in the mornings, evenings, and occasional road trips. I believe this will always be our special bonding time. I feel your knowledge, expressions, and feelings are not that of a typical 4 year old and you amaze me every day. Our unspoken words can also sometimes mean more than anything normal feelings can express. I can only hope one day someone will understand your needs and wants as much as I do. You are and always will be the love of my life as I didn't know the true meaning of that until you. I fall more and more in love with you every day. You have taught me more about love and life in your 4 years of existence than my entire 31 years. I hope we never cease to learn from each other and grow together.
I truly understand more and more every day what it is means to be a mother, your mother.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Resentment and Hard Feelings
I write this today not as a tell all of the issues I have lost sleep over and for others to feel pity but in hopes that writing my feelings down gives me some sort of peace and encouragement. You can only live in a state of denial for so long until reality overtakes it and feelings come crashing down with it. This week's roller coaster of up and down feelings has me landed and feeling overwhelmed with resentment and hard feelings.
The peak of my roller coaster came this weekend. My life always feels more tranquil and easy during the weekends as all my cares stay locked up in my office (or so it seems). Not saying that is where all my problems come from, in fact, that is probably close to the bottom of the list but it just seems like when I walk out of that door on a Friday afternoon all my issues are forgotten and all I can think about is what kind of fun Max and I can get into. Then when I return on Monday they are waiting for me staring in my face. I don't know if it was the super moon of the weekend that had me feeling just an overwhelming sense of happiness and appreciating every little aspect and detail of the weekend but I felt so calm. It was a fun but relaxing Saturday afternoon and evening with friends where we sat outside with the kids watching Finding Nemo on their projection screen as the sun went down drinking a tequila sunrise. Then we woke up the Sunday morning and went for an late morning/early afternoon swim with more friends then I deep cleaned the house (I have stated before cleaning does release endorphins). But it was the drive into my sisters house for family dinner driving over the mountain that seemed the most tranquil. At the top of the mountain I felt on top of the world surrounded by the lush greenery of the mountains around me and far in the distance and the sun was just beginning to set and orange glow was hitting the mountainside brightening the colors of the landscape. I remember thinking to myself as I looked out the window at the beautiful scenery that was what life was supposed to be and how happy and lucky I was and how easy, carefree, and fun my life was that nothing could bring me down from my mountaintop. And as if I wasn't appreciative enough of all the details of my life at that moment, following a great and fun dinner with my family when we got home Max caught his first firefly (even though it was past bath time). I don't know if I had just ignored them until now or if they hadn't been around much this year but he didn't even know what they were so seeing him making the discovery, the image was stuck in my head the rest of the evening.
But when the dust all settled from the craziness of Monday into Monday evening and Tuesday morning I became restless almost instantly in the middle of the night. Panic had all the sudden overtaken my tranquility from the weekend and I felt alone, no longer at the top of the mountain, instead a cave of darkness and uncertainty. The realization that not only am I in this parenting thing by myself, feeding, clothing, waking up in the morning, putting a Band-Aid on a skinned knee, taking to the Dr., etc. it was beginning to look like it was all going to fall on me monetarily as well. I lied in bed thinking about how I was going to provide for my child and still have a roof over his head and a place to go while I was at work trying to provide and how I would be able to continue to put food on the table and clothing on his back, it all became overwhelming. The divorce has been official for a little over a year now but my resentment shifted a long while ago to the hard feelings my child was feeling instead of the ones I felt. He is the innocent and never deserves any of it. And unfortunately he can sense when things are not right with me as he soon let me know throwing a massive indecisive fit about a bike ride yesterday evening. He felt panic after he got his helmet and pads on and once his eyes fixed on the pedals knowing that responsibility would be all his own. My mother made me realize last night he is so afraid to disappoint it was too much for him at the time. And yesterday became the lowest point of the roller coaster earlier in the day when my panic began to seep into my work life making issues that should have been minute feel like climbing that mountain crawling and scratching. Nothing seemed to be going my way and I was determined to throw my own pity party much like Max did as to not subject anyone else to my mess. I was able to work hard enough against myself to talk to a co-worker about what was going on and soon afterwards realized that was all the confidence I needed to begin to overcome my anxiety and worry. I was then able to open up to some of my family and friends and let them know how I was feeling slowly (very) melting away the overwhelming sense of panic I was having.
Although I feel much less panic today, I know I still have a long way to go in adjusting to the reality of a single parent and overcoming the resentment and hard feelings I still have. I just hope I can get back to the top of that mountain again soon and feel as much peace as I felt this weekend.
The peak of my roller coaster came this weekend. My life always feels more tranquil and easy during the weekends as all my cares stay locked up in my office (or so it seems). Not saying that is where all my problems come from, in fact, that is probably close to the bottom of the list but it just seems like when I walk out of that door on a Friday afternoon all my issues are forgotten and all I can think about is what kind of fun Max and I can get into. Then when I return on Monday they are waiting for me staring in my face. I don't know if it was the super moon of the weekend that had me feeling just an overwhelming sense of happiness and appreciating every little aspect and detail of the weekend but I felt so calm. It was a fun but relaxing Saturday afternoon and evening with friends where we sat outside with the kids watching Finding Nemo on their projection screen as the sun went down drinking a tequila sunrise. Then we woke up the Sunday morning and went for an late morning/early afternoon swim with more friends then I deep cleaned the house (I have stated before cleaning does release endorphins). But it was the drive into my sisters house for family dinner driving over the mountain that seemed the most tranquil. At the top of the mountain I felt on top of the world surrounded by the lush greenery of the mountains around me and far in the distance and the sun was just beginning to set and orange glow was hitting the mountainside brightening the colors of the landscape. I remember thinking to myself as I looked out the window at the beautiful scenery that was what life was supposed to be and how happy and lucky I was and how easy, carefree, and fun my life was that nothing could bring me down from my mountaintop. And as if I wasn't appreciative enough of all the details of my life at that moment, following a great and fun dinner with my family when we got home Max caught his first firefly (even though it was past bath time). I don't know if I had just ignored them until now or if they hadn't been around much this year but he didn't even know what they were so seeing him making the discovery, the image was stuck in my head the rest of the evening.
But when the dust all settled from the craziness of Monday into Monday evening and Tuesday morning I became restless almost instantly in the middle of the night. Panic had all the sudden overtaken my tranquility from the weekend and I felt alone, no longer at the top of the mountain, instead a cave of darkness and uncertainty. The realization that not only am I in this parenting thing by myself, feeding, clothing, waking up in the morning, putting a Band-Aid on a skinned knee, taking to the Dr., etc. it was beginning to look like it was all going to fall on me monetarily as well. I lied in bed thinking about how I was going to provide for my child and still have a roof over his head and a place to go while I was at work trying to provide and how I would be able to continue to put food on the table and clothing on his back, it all became overwhelming. The divorce has been official for a little over a year now but my resentment shifted a long while ago to the hard feelings my child was feeling instead of the ones I felt. He is the innocent and never deserves any of it. And unfortunately he can sense when things are not right with me as he soon let me know throwing a massive indecisive fit about a bike ride yesterday evening. He felt panic after he got his helmet and pads on and once his eyes fixed on the pedals knowing that responsibility would be all his own. My mother made me realize last night he is so afraid to disappoint it was too much for him at the time. And yesterday became the lowest point of the roller coaster earlier in the day when my panic began to seep into my work life making issues that should have been minute feel like climbing that mountain crawling and scratching. Nothing seemed to be going my way and I was determined to throw my own pity party much like Max did as to not subject anyone else to my mess. I was able to work hard enough against myself to talk to a co-worker about what was going on and soon afterwards realized that was all the confidence I needed to begin to overcome my anxiety and worry. I was then able to open up to some of my family and friends and let them know how I was feeling slowly (very) melting away the overwhelming sense of panic I was having.
Although I feel much less panic today, I know I still have a long way to go in adjusting to the reality of a single parent and overcoming the resentment and hard feelings I still have. I just hope I can get back to the top of that mountain again soon and feel as much peace as I felt this weekend.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
The Procrastinating Overachieving Pintrester
My name is Sarah and I have a problem. I am an obsessive overachiever in certain aspects of my life. I say "certain" because I definitely don't overachieve in the cleaning department (Anyone who has ever been in or around my car can attest to that. Shout out to my hopefully future brother in law for my clean car last week). But, mostly because of the invention of Pintrest, I can never have too many projects to do.
Now I am normally not a procrastinator but it seems like lately that is all I have done when it comes to my Pintrest activities. I wait until the last minute to even go get the supplies then I scramble around to multiple stores cussing the whole time because Hobby Lobby doesn't have anything and everything I could possibly need (shocking I know) or because I didn't know that Michael's which is way closer to my work and home than Hobby Lobby doesn't carry fabric. My poor friend Anna has been waiting for something I am making for her wedding for I think a couple months now but not only because I know she doesn't need it until June 6th and I have Mother's Day, End of school year, etc before then but also because I had a Pintrest fail with the first one I did (sadly I do not have any pictures before or after I hulked out on it due to frustration). But have no fear Anna, I have already made it my personal mission to get it done while all my friends are at the Pirate Festival without me coming up. Its really partly all my friends faults anyways when they have fun events all the time and get me drunk. Really the only thing I can do well in the crafting world when I am drinking is paint and as I told my mom this morning "you get a couple drinks in me and I think I am Bob Ross". But I digress because the whole point of this rambling paragraph was to get the point across that you would think a single mom with so little free time as it is would just say screw it and just buy something like normal people but no, not this girl, all because of fucking Pintrest and their cute little things I pin all the time that they make you think "oh, I can do that". What they don't tell you is that 1. not everyone can do what and how they do in the picture and 2. They can take up a lot of time.
Anyways, it seems this week in particular I have gotten in a little over my head. Not only am I working on 3 different Mother's day crafts from last week since we were at the beach right before then (sorry to my Mom, Step Mom, and Grandma and yes I know I don't have to do anything but they are just so darn cute) but I also had teacher's gifts to bring in this morning (that of course got worked on last night since I knew it had to be done today), then I signed up for rice crispy treats that I have to make tonight for Max's end of school party tomorrow, then I have to make Jello shots for Anna's bachelorette party Saturday which I will make Friday night. And now it seems like my overachieving has extended into my work (also might be in part due to compulsive behavior). I got an email last week with a very long list of things to be "fixed" (for lack of a better word) and due to the fact that I was going to the beach that next day and wouldn't be at work the rest of the week and also due to the fact that I hate having things pending and especially things pending in my email inbox (my obsessive compulsion) I was running around pulling files typing as fast as my fingers could go to get it done. At one point I even cockily looked at my co worker and said "I bet I can get this done today" to which he replied "I bet you can't" and then it was on. I finished in record time at 5:59pm (we close at 6:00) and then when I went to reply back that I had finished I see where I didn't finish reading the email that it isn't due until July 31st. I then reply back, "Well, seems as if I am a ridiculous overachiever as I didn't notice the due date and assumed it had to be done ASAP". But who am I kidding, I strive to be the quickest to get stuff like that done. That way I can delete it out of my inbox and my obsession is suppressed.
Maybe all I really need is a Pintrest board called "Inbox" that I can put all my projects in that are pending so I can just obsess about them until they get done? Nah...
Now I am normally not a procrastinator but it seems like lately that is all I have done when it comes to my Pintrest activities. I wait until the last minute to even go get the supplies then I scramble around to multiple stores cussing the whole time because Hobby Lobby doesn't have anything and everything I could possibly need (shocking I know) or because I didn't know that Michael's which is way closer to my work and home than Hobby Lobby doesn't carry fabric. My poor friend Anna has been waiting for something I am making for her wedding for I think a couple months now but not only because I know she doesn't need it until June 6th and I have Mother's Day, End of school year, etc before then but also because I had a Pintrest fail with the first one I did (sadly I do not have any pictures before or after I hulked out on it due to frustration). But have no fear Anna, I have already made it my personal mission to get it done while all my friends are at the Pirate Festival without me coming up. Its really partly all my friends faults anyways when they have fun events all the time and get me drunk. Really the only thing I can do well in the crafting world when I am drinking is paint and as I told my mom this morning "you get a couple drinks in me and I think I am Bob Ross". But I digress because the whole point of this rambling paragraph was to get the point across that you would think a single mom with so little free time as it is would just say screw it and just buy something like normal people but no, not this girl, all because of fucking Pintrest and their cute little things I pin all the time that they make you think "oh, I can do that". What they don't tell you is that 1. not everyone can do what and how they do in the picture and 2. They can take up a lot of time.
Anyways, it seems this week in particular I have gotten in a little over my head. Not only am I working on 3 different Mother's day crafts from last week since we were at the beach right before then (sorry to my Mom, Step Mom, and Grandma and yes I know I don't have to do anything but they are just so darn cute) but I also had teacher's gifts to bring in this morning (that of course got worked on last night since I knew it had to be done today), then I signed up for rice crispy treats that I have to make tonight for Max's end of school party tomorrow, then I have to make Jello shots for Anna's bachelorette party Saturday which I will make Friday night. And now it seems like my overachieving has extended into my work (also might be in part due to compulsive behavior). I got an email last week with a very long list of things to be "fixed" (for lack of a better word) and due to the fact that I was going to the beach that next day and wouldn't be at work the rest of the week and also due to the fact that I hate having things pending and especially things pending in my email inbox (my obsessive compulsion) I was running around pulling files typing as fast as my fingers could go to get it done. At one point I even cockily looked at my co worker and said "I bet I can get this done today" to which he replied "I bet you can't" and then it was on. I finished in record time at 5:59pm (we close at 6:00) and then when I went to reply back that I had finished I see where I didn't finish reading the email that it isn't due until July 31st. I then reply back, "Well, seems as if I am a ridiculous overachiever as I didn't notice the due date and assumed it had to be done ASAP". But who am I kidding, I strive to be the quickest to get stuff like that done. That way I can delete it out of my inbox and my obsession is suppressed.
Maybe all I really need is a Pintrest board called "Inbox" that I can put all my projects in that are pending so I can just obsess about them until they get done? Nah...
(My Bob Ross moment. Finger print tree for Max's teachers.)
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Dumb F***ing E-Card
The purpose of this blog post is to go on a little bit of a rant about a "saying" or E-Card that I have seen on Pintrest and Facebook for the past year or so. I'm sorry if I offend anyone who has posted it or pinned it because I truly understand the point you are trying to get across but I find it to be stupid and offensive.
As a recent divorcee I immediately took offense and my first reaction out loud when I saw this was "no fucking shit". That had never even crossed my mind when I was so in love and talking about marriage and spending the rest of our lives together. That also never even crossed my mind when we spent approximately $25,000 of ours and our family's hard earned money on an unnecessary celebration professing our love (and I only say unnecessary now thinking about all the other things we could have used that money on). We never once talked about how we were going to be when we got old together. Nope, we just went into it saying "Well, there is always messy and expensive divorce if it doesn't work out. Here goes nothing buddy." In fact, this is what I was really thinking before, when, and after I got married...
To me that is like saying, "See that girl over there, she's divorced, so she apparently didn't want her first marriage to be her only one so it didn't work out for her. Poor girl" No, that is insulting and stupid. You never know what someone's circumstances are or even what your own can bring or how things can change in a moments notice. You may be that poor divorced girl one day who didn't want your first marriage to be your only.
However, I think love is grand and you should definitely seize the moment with your loved one who you think you want to spend matrimonial bliss and the rest of your life with. It may work out, it may not but we live in America where we have that freedom of choice. Now, I wish everyone had that freedom but I already expressed my feelings about that. I guess my only real point of this is I'm pretty sure everyone goes into their first marriage thinking it is going to be their only one you dumb fucking E-Card.
Friday, April 12, 2013
"Patience Mommy-san"
I have something weighing heavily on my mind as I begin this day today. Everybody has bad days parent or not but when you are a parent with little breaks or time to yourself those bad days can sometimes carry over into your patience with your child. It can be a chain reaction when things start going wrong causing you to feel like you are trying to walk up a never ending hill to get back on top. A child (and especially a 3 year old) can require a lot your time and energy and when you are not prepared or have other things going on at the same time it can prove very challenging.
For example, my house is a mess and has been for well over a week mainly because I am fighting one of those uphill battles when trying to clean with a 3 year old running around going "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, MOMMY, can you do (this) with me? Can we play this game? Can you go outside with me?" And of course I never feel like I spend enough time with him because it seems like by the time I get home during the week and make his dinner and cook my dinner (which I have to do since eating out is very challenging) its pretty much time for bath and bed and then by the time he goes to bed I'm either exhausted or wanting to spend what little time I have before going to bed relaxing. And during the weekends he rarely naps anymore (or even settles down for a little bit) so it is "go, go, go" from about 7am-8pm. That is WAY more exhausting than any work day I have.
Anyways, I digress, the point of this was to tell you how my patience ran thin yesterday and how terrible I feel for it today. As any of you who live in our area know schools closed early yesterday due to inclement weather. However, work was open for business as usual. So when I picked Max up at school it was his normal nap time at school and I told him I would pull his mattress down from his top bunk and move it in his playroom for him to watch and movie and take a nap. Well he laid down and watched about an hour long movie and it looked like he may go to sleep when I checked on him but apparently that relaxing and movie was enough to take the edge off and he was raring to go after that. So about the time I get on the phone with work to help with an issue at another branch trying to go step by step from memory on our computer system he comes running into the room jumping on me, "Mommy, mommy, MOMMY, LISTEN TO ME. Lets play Play Dough. Can you open it?" Then I'm worrying about the girls at my branch that have to drive longer distances in this middle of the storms that were coming so corresponding with them and letting them know what was going on since they don't have a TV and corresponding with management and HR about getting them home safely. Then when the storms hit getting Max into a safe place away windows with the heavy winds and lightening and being under a tornado warning. And then after the storms Max wanted to watch something that was recorded on the DVR and that's when I realized the TV wasn't working so I'm on the phone with Direct TV, then trying to cook dinner, and Max is going "mommy, mommy." During all this I would say "Max, I cant help you right now", "You are going to have to wait", or "Baby, can you go do something else right now?". And of course when I could I would explain to him what I was doing and why I couldn't play or help him right now but I could see the disappointment in his face and I could tell he was equally losing his patience with me. Well after everything last night, the poor kid barely made it past 7:30 before falling asleep on the couch after his bath but I just went to bed with a terrible feeling in my gut about the way I handled things that day. I had lost my patience like a child when things didn't go my way.
Subsequently, when Max goes to his play date after school today I will be going full force cleaning the house before picking him up so that I have no other distractions this weekend and can do anything and everything he wants to do. This guilt is the worst and he is the most important thing in my life regardless of anything else that is going on and I know these times won't last forever and I will one day long for them so I need to cherish his need for my constant attention now.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Rights and wrongs of parenting
How do you know when you are doing the right thing as a parent?
Unfortunately there is no answer to that question.
The "right thing" is a subject concept in general based on any given individuals opinion of what is right and wrong but then add the variable of how every child is different in their personalities and preferences, what works for one may not work for another. There is no handbook or given rules and guidelines for parents so most of the time we literally have nothing to go on. I was actually very surprised after I had Max and the hospital just lets you take them home after 24 hours with just a page or so of instructions. Then his Pediatrician is so laid back when I would ask him questions he was more like a therapist who would give you pros and cons of both ends of the spectrum options and never give a straight answer as to which works better. Then seeing I was exasperated and confused, I would get the "you are doing just fine Mom" speech. But it makes sense why he does that. Max was healthy and happy so at this point all he is doing is reassuring me I am doing a good job. And we as parents need that constant reassurance. We literally have no idea what we are doing a lot of time and are constantly scrutinizing and questioning what we should be doing and if we are doing the right thing. As long as your child is not being abused or neglected in any way what does it matter if you do time out or spankings, breast feed or formula feed, send them to daycare or don't send them to daycare, etc? We worry too much about what other people are doing and what works for them. Now, I'm not saying if you need advise on anything you shouldn't ask or take your friend's advice b/c hey I remember how hard it was to potty train and we took lots of advice and tried lots of things but don't judge another parent because your method didn't work for them or they decided something else would be better suited. Don't judge me. Yes, I let my child have a pacifier until a little bit after 2 years old, we tried to give it up sooner and it made everyone miserable so we decided to wait until he was old enough to reason with and had no issues giving it up then. It worked for us. And likewise, because I had no issues with Max staying in his bed or room at night (from the age of 6 weeks on) when I hear of someone saying their child sleeps with them I go "whoa" inside but that child is not my child and may have different sleep habits and needs from my child so who am I to judge?
When another person tells me what a great job I am doing with Max or comments on how smart he is or well adjusted I really feel like I have done my job as a parent. So am I doing the right thing for my child? I think so. But my rights and wrongs may differ from yours. So if I am doing something you don't agree with, it would be best to keep your mouth shut and concentrate on something good I am doing. It will make both of us feel better in the long run.
"This job is definitely the hardest job I have ever had but also the most rewarding."
Unfortunately there is no answer to that question.
The "right thing" is a subject concept in general based on any given individuals opinion of what is right and wrong but then add the variable of how every child is different in their personalities and preferences, what works for one may not work for another. There is no handbook or given rules and guidelines for parents so most of the time we literally have nothing to go on. I was actually very surprised after I had Max and the hospital just lets you take them home after 24 hours with just a page or so of instructions. Then his Pediatrician is so laid back when I would ask him questions he was more like a therapist who would give you pros and cons of both ends of the spectrum options and never give a straight answer as to which works better. Then seeing I was exasperated and confused, I would get the "you are doing just fine Mom" speech. But it makes sense why he does that. Max was healthy and happy so at this point all he is doing is reassuring me I am doing a good job. And we as parents need that constant reassurance. We literally have no idea what we are doing a lot of time and are constantly scrutinizing and questioning what we should be doing and if we are doing the right thing. As long as your child is not being abused or neglected in any way what does it matter if you do time out or spankings, breast feed or formula feed, send them to daycare or don't send them to daycare, etc? We worry too much about what other people are doing and what works for them. Now, I'm not saying if you need advise on anything you shouldn't ask or take your friend's advice b/c hey I remember how hard it was to potty train and we took lots of advice and tried lots of things but don't judge another parent because your method didn't work for them or they decided something else would be better suited. Don't judge me. Yes, I let my child have a pacifier until a little bit after 2 years old, we tried to give it up sooner and it made everyone miserable so we decided to wait until he was old enough to reason with and had no issues giving it up then. It worked for us. And likewise, because I had no issues with Max staying in his bed or room at night (from the age of 6 weeks on) when I hear of someone saying their child sleeps with them I go "whoa" inside but that child is not my child and may have different sleep habits and needs from my child so who am I to judge?
When another person tells me what a great job I am doing with Max or comments on how smart he is or well adjusted I really feel like I have done my job as a parent. So am I doing the right thing for my child? I think so. But my rights and wrongs may differ from yours. So if I am doing something you don't agree with, it would be best to keep your mouth shut and concentrate on something good I am doing. It will make both of us feel better in the long run.
"This job is definitely the hardest job I have ever had but also the most rewarding."
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Manti Te'o's real girlfriend Ronaiah Tuiasosopo
If you are anything like me you quickly tire of an over played, over dramatic news story that really has no meaning except to feed our selfish need of celebrity drama and weirdos (i.e. Honey Boo Boo). Well the Manti Te'o fake girlfriend story is no exception. We could easily debate over how someone could or shouldn't be duped by someone over an Internet romance that he did or shouldn't have called a relationship or that Ronaiah Tuiasosopo's real cousin did or didn't participate in helping with being the voice of the prank but I just don't care anymore. At this point the kid has suffered enough public humiliation that will last throughout his lifetime. However, I feel that the perpetrator behind the whole hoax should get a closer look. Why would one Ronaiah Tuisosopo make up this whole elaborate scheme?
Most of the media reports state that this was just a mean prank that went too far and that Ronaiah Tuiasosopo just was a troubled individual who had perpetrated such pranks before. But, I think there is probably more to this "troubled individual" than what has been reported by the media. Even if it was just a prank, why was it kept going so long? Wouldn't it be more conceivable that someone who is divulging such personal details of their life (by both parties) that maybe Tuiasosopo felt romantic feelings for Te'o? If it was a prank, there is no way he wouldn't have grown tired of being another person for so long unless what he was saying about his feelings and some details of his life were true and there was some sort of emotional connection that was believed to be between them. And if that was the case and Tuiasosopo had romantic feelings for Te'o, there have been no reports of him being openly gay that I have seen so he wouldn't have wanted his true identity to be known, especially in an Internet love affair with a heterosexual man. Because in his eyes, if Te'o had found out he was really not who he said he was in Lennay Kekua, there is no way he would want to talk to him or be with him not only because he was male but for having perpetrated this whole elaborate hoax. And furthermore, not only are feelings being involved, an obvious obsession with Manti Te'o developed through their "relationship". Obsession is defined as "compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion". Tuiasosopo's obsession with Te'o and their "relationship"
would have been what led him to keep the hoax going for so long. Then, in a tragic twist, at some point Tuiasosopo must have felt there was no way out of the predicament he was in and decided to "end" Lennay Kekua's life. Had the truth been too much to bear at that point and he became overwhelmed with guilt or had he found another obsession and decided it was time to move on? Either way, the details of this story still don't make any sense to me to be just a prank that went too far.
I actually had started writing this blog post January 24th like a frequently do, sometimes I won't finish and delete the posts, sometimes I will save and go back at a later date due to too much going on or when I find that words aren't coming to me as easy as they normally do in my blog posts but I see now where it has been leaked from Tuiasosopo's interview with Dr. Phil that he admits he fell in love with Te'o.
Most of the media reports state that this was just a mean prank that went too far and that Ronaiah Tuiasosopo just was a troubled individual who had perpetrated such pranks before. But, I think there is probably more to this "troubled individual" than what has been reported by the media. Even if it was just a prank, why was it kept going so long? Wouldn't it be more conceivable that someone who is divulging such personal details of their life (by both parties) that maybe Tuiasosopo felt romantic feelings for Te'o? If it was a prank, there is no way he wouldn't have grown tired of being another person for so long unless what he was saying about his feelings and some details of his life were true and there was some sort of emotional connection that was believed to be between them. And if that was the case and Tuiasosopo had romantic feelings for Te'o, there have been no reports of him being openly gay that I have seen so he wouldn't have wanted his true identity to be known, especially in an Internet love affair with a heterosexual man. Because in his eyes, if Te'o had found out he was really not who he said he was in Lennay Kekua, there is no way he would want to talk to him or be with him not only because he was male but for having perpetrated this whole elaborate hoax. And furthermore, not only are feelings being involved, an obvious obsession with Manti Te'o developed through their "relationship". Obsession is defined as "compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion". Tuiasosopo's obsession with Te'o and their "relationship"
would have been what led him to keep the hoax going for so long. Then, in a tragic twist, at some point Tuiasosopo must have felt there was no way out of the predicament he was in and decided to "end" Lennay Kekua's life. Had the truth been too much to bear at that point and he became overwhelmed with guilt or had he found another obsession and decided it was time to move on? Either way, the details of this story still don't make any sense to me to be just a prank that went too far.
I actually had started writing this blog post January 24th like a frequently do, sometimes I won't finish and delete the posts, sometimes I will save and go back at a later date due to too much going on or when I find that words aren't coming to me as easy as they normally do in my blog posts but I see now where it has been leaked from Tuiasosopo's interview with Dr. Phil that he admits he fell in love with Te'o.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Terrible 3s
It seems like when one thing goes wrong in our mornings everything goes wrong. Thus was the case this morning. I woke up at an earlier time than normal which was great so I wouldn't feel as rushed as I normally do (or so I thought). Neither Max or myself are morning people when we have to wake up. If we wake up on our own though, we are both a breath of fresh air. When I have to wake up Max in the morning I'm pretty sure he has no recollection of how he got into the living room as he is banging into walls on the way down the hallway like a drunk little old man. Likewise, I find myself sometimes washing my hair twice forgetting if I had done it already. But, there is something about the morning times where Max decides he's not going to cooperate with anything I tell him. Most of the time he doesn't throw all out fits but he will do anything in his power to escape being dressed in the mornings. He will wait until a single second where I don't have my hand around his waist and wiggle away to another couch or the reading nook, he will stiffen his arms so I can't get his shirt on or off, make his body go limp, etc. The whole time he's smiling and I am thinking in my head, "this kid is laughing at me inside". Threats, time outs, spankings make no difference and just cause further break downs. The only things that are my saving grace some mornings are when I can distract him with talking or something on TV or starting to count to 3 in a stern voice.
Anyways, I have come to the conclusion that it should not have been the terrible 2s, it really should be the terrible 3s and many of my friends of 3 year olds (or older) share that sentiment. By 3 they are really starting to develop their own opinions and attitudes (which Max seems to have a lot of), enjoying some independence and decision making ("What do you want for dinner tonight?" "I want to wear that shirt today." Or Max's favorite, "I don't need you to go to the bathroom with me.") but at the same time are more dependent on you than they like to think they are ("Will you wipe by butt?" "Will you help me put my shoes on?") Then of course there are times when all out fits are thrown over ridiculous things like "I don't want Stevie (the cat) in my room", "I don't want a red Popsicle", "My nose is running" or one of Max's favorites "I don't like commercials".
Then the blatant not listening of a 3 year old is equally as frustrating. "I know you are hear what I am telling you" as I am standing right in front of him. And the repeating telling him the same thing over and over again like the other day I told him 3 times to get his finger off of his friend's face just being wild and messing around and he still did it after I asked him the second time if he heard me and said yes. So after the third time I got right behind him on his level and turned him around by his arm and I saw the same fear of Mom look my mother instilled in us in his eyes and knew I didn't have to say anything more. He immediately stopped and didn't continue.
I also always joke with my mom how much we thought all hell broke loose when he started getting mobile compared to now. Now, he knows what he is doing is wrong like coloring on the floor, taking the baby proofing out of the outlets to stick something in it, (don't worry, we had a remember the hospital talk since he was so traumatized by being stuck there during meningitis) biting glow sticks, and shooting the TV with a Nerf gun to name a few. He is definitely more mentally and physically tiring now than he ever has been.
All I know is regardless of anything that kid does 5 good minutes makes up for any amount of bad behavior. 3 year olds are challenging on a good day but worth every sweet little kiss and hug.
Anyways, I have come to the conclusion that it should not have been the terrible 2s, it really should be the terrible 3s and many of my friends of 3 year olds (or older) share that sentiment. By 3 they are really starting to develop their own opinions and attitudes (which Max seems to have a lot of), enjoying some independence and decision making ("What do you want for dinner tonight?" "I want to wear that shirt today." Or Max's favorite, "I don't need you to go to the bathroom with me.") but at the same time are more dependent on you than they like to think they are ("Will you wipe by butt?" "Will you help me put my shoes on?") Then of course there are times when all out fits are thrown over ridiculous things like "I don't want Stevie (the cat) in my room", "I don't want a red Popsicle", "My nose is running" or one of Max's favorites "I don't like commercials".
Then the blatant not listening of a 3 year old is equally as frustrating. "I know you are hear what I am telling you" as I am standing right in front of him. And the repeating telling him the same thing over and over again like the other day I told him 3 times to get his finger off of his friend's face just being wild and messing around and he still did it after I asked him the second time if he heard me and said yes. So after the third time I got right behind him on his level and turned him around by his arm and I saw the same fear of Mom look my mother instilled in us in his eyes and knew I didn't have to say anything more. He immediately stopped and didn't continue.
I also always joke with my mom how much we thought all hell broke loose when he started getting mobile compared to now. Now, he knows what he is doing is wrong like coloring on the floor, taking the baby proofing out of the outlets to stick something in it, (don't worry, we had a remember the hospital talk since he was so traumatized by being stuck there during meningitis) biting glow sticks, and shooting the TV with a Nerf gun to name a few. He is definitely more mentally and physically tiring now than he ever has been.
All I know is regardless of anything that kid does 5 good minutes makes up for any amount of bad behavior. 3 year olds are challenging on a good day but worth every sweet little kiss and hug.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)