"Patience Mommy-san"

I have something weighing heavily on my mind as I begin this day today.  Everybody has bad days parent or not but when you are a parent with little breaks or time to yourself those bad days can sometimes carry over into your patience with your child.  It can be a chain reaction when things start going wrong causing you to feel like you are trying to walk up a never ending hill to get back on top.  A child (and especially a 3 year old) can require a lot your time and energy and when you are not prepared or have other things going on at the same time it can prove very challenging. 

For example, my house is a mess and has been for well over a week mainly because I am fighting one of those uphill battles when trying to clean with a 3 year old running around going "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, MOMMY, can you do (this) with me?  Can we play this game?  Can you go outside with me?"  And of course I never feel like I spend enough time with him because it seems like by the time I get home during the week and make his dinner and cook my dinner (which I have to do since eating out is very challenging) its pretty much time for bath and bed and then by the time he goes to bed I'm either exhausted or wanting to spend what little time I have before going to bed relaxing.  And during the weekends he rarely naps anymore (or even settles down for a little bit) so it is "go, go, go" from about 7am-8pm.  That is WAY more exhausting than any work day I have. 

Anyways, I digress, the point of this was to tell you how my patience ran thin yesterday and how terrible I feel for it today.  As any of you who live in our area know schools closed early yesterday due to inclement weather.  However, work was open for business as usual.  So when I picked Max up at school it was his normal nap time at school and I told him I would pull his mattress down from his top bunk and move it in his playroom for him to watch and movie and take a nap.  Well he laid down and watched about an hour long movie and it looked like he may go to sleep when I checked on him but apparently that relaxing and movie was enough to take the edge off and he was raring to go after that.  So about the time I get on the phone with work to help with an issue at another branch trying to go step by step from memory on our computer system he comes running into the room jumping on me, "Mommy, mommy, MOMMY, LISTEN TO ME.  Lets play Play Dough.  Can you open it?"  Then I'm worrying about the girls at my branch that have to drive longer distances in this middle of the storms that were coming so corresponding with them and letting them know what was going on since they don't have a TV and corresponding with management and HR about getting them home safely.  Then when the storms hit getting Max into a safe place away windows with the heavy winds and lightening and being under a tornado warning.  And then after the storms Max wanted to watch something that was recorded on the DVR and that's when I realized the TV wasn't working so I'm on the phone with Direct TV, then trying to cook dinner, and Max is going "mommy, mommy."  During all this I would say "Max, I cant help you right now", "You are going to have to wait", or "Baby, can you go do something else right now?".  And of course when I could I would explain to him what I was doing and why I couldn't play or help him right now but I could see the disappointment in his face and I could tell he was equally losing his patience with me.  Well after everything last night, the poor kid barely made it past 7:30 before falling asleep on the couch after his bath but I just went to bed with a terrible feeling in my gut about the way I handled things that day.  I had lost my patience like a child when things didn't go my way.

Subsequently, when Max goes to his play date after school today I will be going full force cleaning the house before picking him up so that I have no other distractions this weekend and can do anything and everything he wants to do.  This guilt is the worst and he is the most important thing in my life regardless of anything else that is going on and I know these times won't last forever and I will one day long for them so I need to cherish his need for my constant attention now.