And I thought my 20s were cool...

My 20s were the time of my life, drinking, partying, staying up late, being carefree.  There is no one to tell you what to do anymore and its nice to be able to let your hair down, make adult decisions after having someone tell you what to do all your life.  Or so I thought...

Now I am only about three months into my 30s but already I feel like its a totally different era for me.  Now, I can't deny the fact that I'm sure my life changing event that happened earlier this year has factored into the way I feel but I feel more at ease with myself than I have ever felt.  Now don't get me wrong, I can still let my hair down and party with the best of them but its less of a priority of who I am now and fewer and farther in between.  I'm sure a lot of that has to do with not really having all the free time that I used to have and being physically exhausted when I do as well.  But I also plan my weekends now based on what activities Max and I are going to do making what (if any) alone time I get an after thought.  He and I are a team and if you get one, you get the other (especially since I'm starting to wonder if there is still an umbilical cord attached somewhere).  And although he is a total hand full at times (example: pulling his pants down and going pee in front of 50 people or so at a river function this weekend.  Sorry people, hes newly potty trained), he is more and more fun and funny every day and is a large source of love and entertainment for me.  Lets be honest, my life would be boring and dull without him. 

Another thing I have noticed about being 30 and other people who are 30 is that they really don't give a shit about what everyone thinks about them anymore.  What you see is what you get.  Now, don't get me wrong, I felt this way before (mainly in my mid and late 20s) but it seems to be more universal and intensified.  Just saying people...don't ask me my opinion if you don't want an honest one because I'm not going to sugar coat it anymore.  And I think in general people in their 30s are better at communicating to you how they feel and valuing your honest feelings over not giving their true feelings because it may not be what you want to hear.  I can think of a few occasions where I have asked a friend recently "Am I being stupid over this (issue)?" Friend: "Yes."  Me: "Okay.  I will stop.", and then I move on without even dwelling or thinking twice about it.     

I feel like you spend so much of your 20s still trying to figure out who you are and what you are doing here and what you like and what you don't.  All of your life experiences mold you into who you are but I think you have a better sense of who that person is by the time you turn 30 and fewer mis-steps.  I did a lot of stupid shit in my teens and twenties that have given me that life experience into knowing what I do and don't want to do in the future.  I definitely believe you can learn more from your mis-steps, than your successful endeavors.   It feels like the more you get to really know and understand yourself, the easier and more fun life gets.  Although I know a lot of people who say things like "I wish I could be young and carefree again and not have to worry about some of my adult problems", seeing my toddler, life can still be challenging and frustrating when you are an adolescent.  Then of course teenage years are just pure hell, trying to assert your independence, being defiant, getting in trouble, being socially awkward, and always worrying about what your peers think.  And your 20s although much better than your teens, you are still trying to find yourself and with a fairly new sense of independence, it can be very challenging and mistakes come easy.  I actually find it ironic now, I cried and/or had a panic attack every year on my birthday in my 20s knowing I was getting older and closer to that 30 mark and this year on my 30th, I threw a party, I didn't shed a tear, didn't panic about anything including getting the party ready, just was nice, tranquil, and relaxing. 

So for whoever came up with the adage "life beings at ___(insert age, hear it with all sorts of different ones)", I really feel like my life, having a clearing understanding of myself, re-begins at 30.

Nothing but love for the gays

I'm not going to talk about the Chick-Fil-A debacle (maybe just one little comment that ties in later) here because frankly myself and many Americans are just tired of hearing it no matter what side you are on.  However, it does bring up some very important topics that I have been meaning to talk about for some time and have even had the title to this blog post saved for about 3 weeks trying to think of exactly how I want to put this together. 


I'm lucky enough to have some amazing people close to me who are gay who have made an impact on my life.  Whether it be emotional or monetary help when needed at various tough times in my life, tying a pretty ribbon around bouquets at our wedding (even though we are divorced, still a memorable moment), or "book club" meetings where I have laughed until my sides hurt, these people I feel are an integral part of who and where I am today.  So much so in fact, I feel sorry for the people who don't have people like them in their lives.  I am also lucky enough to have seen one of those people grow up from adolescence to better understand their struggles in being who they are.  I still remember the discussion my brother and I had on his bed when he told me although I don't remember exactly what age I was (high school-ish).  I remember being surprised although looking back that was pretty naive of me.  I mean, he was your typical boy growing up (and I was your typical tom boy) but there were some things that I could have picked up on.  I also remember immediately knowing despite my ignorance and youth that it didn't matter to me; He was still who he was and I still loved him just as well.  I actually felt closer to him for him having the confidence to talk to me about it since he was not "out". 


Living with my gay brother and reflecting back at how he was during his entire upbringing made me realize he didn't just wake up the morning he told me he was gay and decide he was going to be gay, he was all along and knew much much earlier before he decided to tell me.  And so did my mom.  And he is lucky enough to have a support system who loves him for who he is whereas some of the other gay people I know do not.  Whether it be a father who thinks he is less of a man because his son is gay or a mother who thinks its a sin in the eyes of the Christian church, your parenting skills do not reflect whether or not your son or daughter is gay.  Obviously, they are going to have an easier time coming out to a parent who is more accepting but I can't imagine what a parent is thinking loving their own child, own flesh and blood, any less because of their sexual preference (actually don't even like the word "preference" here).  And also to quote Melissa from her Facebook today who is a devout Christian "I am super (frequently used Melissa word) sad that my fellow Jesus lovers think its ok to stand up for so much hate.  Jesus loved EVERYONE...don't forget that."  Now I am very religiously ignorant so I may be wrong but I thought we also were not supposed to judge anyone, that was to be left up to God.  So for the Christians in support of Chick-Fil-A in the debate, aren't you sinning by grouping all of these people together in judgement for their "sin"?  Although I think its used as a cover in some people's cases, I understand freedom of speech and recognize that as a valid argument and it being an extreme importance in our culture but what happened to our consciousness of other's people's feelings too?  Can you imagine growing up in constant fear of judgement for being who you are?


Furthermore, how would you like someone dictating what rights we have based on any difference from what is considered normal?  Nope, you can't get a drivers license because you have black hair or you cannot vote if you are under 130lbs.  Which brings me into the ultimate topic of gay marriage.  Marriage is defined as "(also called matrimony or wedlock) a social union or legal contract between people called spouses that creates kinship. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but is usually an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. Such a union is often formalized via a wedding ceremony."  Of course then it goes onto to specify cultural beliefs.  I personally see straight marriage as a cultural belief along with arranged marriages.  We are also taking away the humans rights in arranged marriage yet this is okay in America?  I'm not sure how this makes any sense.  I know a gay couple who got married in and live in another state who have been together (and married) for eight years or so and are still going strong (and the best looking gay couple I have ever seen).  And here I am a straight divorced person.  Those pretty boys put me to shame!  It just makes no sense to me how we want to all be equals...but only if you aren't gay.  They still put their pants on one leg at a time, they work normal jobs, pay taxes, live in houses, drive cars, etc, etc. 


I feel sad that we have reverted back to the 60's (in some cases before then) as far as equal human rights go.  I just hope in the near future we realize how gay people are just like everyone else in this country and deserve to be treated so.  No one deserves to get their feelings hurt or be ashamed of who they are.

Pork BBQ Baked Potato Casserole

Had to share this recipe partly because I feel like I invented it (was looking for a similar recipe is a guide but was able to find what I wanted so just adapted and made my own) and also because it was amazing!  I made it in honor of the Olympics because you cannot get more American than BBQ and Baked Potatoes (and bacon).

Pork BBQ Baked Potato Casserole
4 cups already cooked and shredded BBQ
1 bottle BBQ sauce
Hot sauce (optional or however much you like)
3 large potatoes sliced
1 1/2 cups sour cream
2 cups shredded cheese
Bacon bits or Bacon cut up uncooked
Potato chips, about a cup crushed
Green Onion, sliced

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.  I really just layered everything starting with BBQ at the bottom going down to the shredded cheese.  I started with the BBQ instead of the potatoes because I hate how when you do Au gratin Potatoes they always stick no matter how you grease the dish so that's why I decided to do them closer to the top.  If you use raw bacon, bake it with the dish and the yummy greasiness gets incorporated into the casserole.  Bake covered around 30 minutes.  Add potato chips and if using bacon bits for an additional 10 minutes uncovered.  Top with Green onions.

Yes, I would have my girlfriend's baby

This is totally random subject that I just felt like I wanted to touch on because of the number of people I know who have struggled with this. 

I have been fortunate enough to be able to experience the beginning of the human circle of life in my pregnancy and birth of Max.  I was also fortunate enough to have an easy breezy pregnancy and birth.  And although through the process of getting to know myself and my feelings after the divorce has changed my mind for the future, (If I find someone who I fall in love with and wants to have kids great.  If not, great.  I am happy with my healthy and happy little boy.) I can't help but think about the people who have or are struggling with being as fortunate.  It breaks my heart to see a wonderful, loving, happy couple who struggle to get the one thing they want to make them feel complete or give them a purpose.  And the stress and worry it can put on your body only makes it more difficult physiologically and the stress and worry it can put on a the happy couple in general can be detrimental to their marriage or life together. 

Unfortunate that it is so costly but anything in modern medicine and especially "elective" is costly but fortunate that there are lots of options available for couples who have a hard time conceiving.  IVF, IUI, and numerous fertility drugs to name a few.  But of course there are no promises and they can yield equally as frustrating results...or even worse you could turn out like Octomom (not really since her Dr. got her license revoked).  There is one option that would be last resort for a lot of people since 1.  I can imagine it would be hard to approach the subject with a friend and 2.  It can be difficult for some women to admit defeat like they feel less of a woman or a mother if they are unable to go through the whole process but that is surrogacy.  So girlfriend, will I have your baby you ask?  Without hesitation yes.

Many people who know me well know I am that person who is constantly pondering the question in my head "What can I do for you?  How can I help you?  How can I make your life easier?" whether it be cooking you a good home cooked meal, making you a drink, helping plan/set up/clean up for a party, helping advocate a cause you believe in, etc.  And I really don't do these things conscientiously a lot of the time, I'm just a people-pleaser and get great joy out of other people's joy.  So for someone who had an easy pregnancy and feels like they mentally could handle it why would I not want to give someone the joy and sense of meaning having a child can bring who may not otherwise get the chance?  Obviously there would have to be some agreeable stipulations like would have to be someone I was close to and are a loving and happy couple who have struggled, would have to be a good point in my life, prenatal and postnatal health care 100% paid for (normally is in that situation), and still be able to have contact with the child after birth.  And I'm not talking about "visitation" or anything, I mean my body would just be used as a vessel really, not my sperm or egg and not my child. 

I realize this concept may seem completely out there to some people, especially who have had tough pregnancies and births and those who would feel like they were essentially "giving a baby away" that they have carried for 9 months but those things do not reflect my opinion on this matter.  So yes, in conclusion, I would have my girlfriend's baby. 

Super Mom Sunday

Just another Super Sunday in the life of a Super Mom.  All I can say is I'm exhausted and going to bed as soon as this post gets done.  Today is my Mom's (Mimi) birthday so Max was incredibly excited to do birthday things like make a cake (and of course gluten free cupcakes for me), blow up balloons, finger paint a birthday card, etc.  I figure its the least that we can do for a woman who birthed me and gives Max and I so much of her time and attention.  So that's how we spend most of our morning after waking up at 9:15 which is very late for us.

Only food coloring we had left in the house (didn't feel like going to the store)

And since Sunday is the normal cleaning/laundry day (the house looked embarrassing beforehand) that's how I spent most of the afternoon.  And made a nice little spread of heavy hors d'oeuvres that consisted of Bang Bang Shrimp, Lettuce wraps with a gluten free peanut sauce from another recipe, and steak kabobs on the grill, all before 6:00.

And now I can finally reveal all the little projects I have been working on the past week or so.  Mimi got for her birthday a framed monogrammed with buttons fabric canvas, matching wreath, and painted vase with vinyl monogram and tied with coordinating fabric and ribbon.

I also covered 2 cookie sheets with fabric for me to hang on the wall for magnet boards.  One of them which is hanging inside my pantry door will be used as a hanging spice rack using magnetized old baby food containers with lids spray painted with chalk board paint so I can write on them what each one contains.  The other hanging in my bathroom will be to magnetize my make up and stick to it but although I haven't gotten to the gluing magnets to objects yet.  Here are the covered cookie sheets.

Will definitely try to remember to update pictures when I'm done with the boards as I am very excited about extra organization.  Today has definitely been a full day.  Was so excited when Mimi and Cici did arrive at my house so I could at least shower today.  I have come to the conclusion, I realize now why I sleep so good at night and that is because I go as hard as my almost 3 year old all day long then night time I crash and don't move until the day starts the next day.  There is no rest in the life of a super mom.  

Will you still be my friend? Friendships that last through thick and thin

People and relationships are constantly growing and evolving and things seem to go in waves at different times (ages) in our lives.  People who were your friends in Elementary school may not have made it through Middle and High school because of personality changes and differences and the same being for High school to College and College into adulthood.  At all of these life transitions there seems to be a turning point in your relationships that either keep them going (maybe even stronger) or break them or fizzle them off.  Mostly these changes occur because the other person or persons may not understand your transition or your new priority.  For instance, when you get married or even just a serious couple your friendships towards other married couples (people with lives like yourself) become prevalent and unfortunately I have even been hurt by and seen somewhat of the same trend in my recent divorced life.  Same goes for people with children.  Your friends who don't have children may not understand that your child naps at a certain time every time therefore you are somewhat confined to the house during that period or they must eat at a certain time to combat crankiness so an 8:00 dinner time isn't exactly conducive.  Or that you can't just drop everything and go have happy hour after work.  For a lot of people the lack of personal experience can be detrimental to a friendship.  With that being said, can friends going through different life changes still be friends? 

I really think the answer to the question lies somewhere between the strength of the friendship and understanding of that person.  There are a few friends in my life that I may not see all the time or go long periods without seeing or talking to and it doesn't really make us any less of friends when we get together, giggling like school girls like no time has passed.  Those are the type of bonds that can last through just about anything not just having children, other major life changes whether it be temporarily put on hold due to a controlling boyfriend, having a new child, having a new live in boyfriend, etc.  Deep down you know that person is always going to come back to you, they just disappear and reappear like herpes.  Those are the type of friends who realize your absences had nothing to do with how you felt about them, its adjusting to having a new child, having your boyfriend move in, or learning how to get rid of that awful controlling boyfriend.  That's where being understanding comes in.  It can be hard on a friendship, especially a very close one, knowing its not just about them anymore, they have a life with you and a life with their significant other and family.  But these lives can coexist.  I take the movie "Ted" for instance. (Stupidly hilarious.  A talking teddy bear who throws out the F bomb, has parties, and hires prostitutes.  How is that not funny?)  This teddy bear has been his best friend his entire life and now he has to learn to balance his time between his girlfriend and his best friend?  And imagine how the friend and girlfriend feel?  Jealous, left out, afraid of being left behind.  But eventually both the girlfriend and the friend (Ted) learn they have to be understanding enough and considerate enough of each other because that's what makes him happy and blah, blah, blah, happily ever after.  Now, to all you non kid having friends out there, I'm not saying you have to take into consideration every time you plan something when your kid having friend's child eat, sleeps, and shits and know their schedule by heart but if you truly want to make that friendship work you need to make some sort of effort of consideration to those things like maybe ask what would work better or try to plan something ahead of time where child care can be arranged rather than last minute. I'm not even saying you have to love your friends kids.  Hell one of my best friends doesn't want kids, doesn't know what to do with them.  But you do have to be tolerant and including. 

So the answer is yes, but that definitely depends on the right person and right friendship.   

Back away from my man "Summer of Sex"!

Warning:  If I had to rate this conversation it would be NC17. (I'm getting tired of putting warnings out there but feel like I have to.)

I have heard recently that 2012 is the "summer of sex" because of books like 50 Shades of Grey (which is being made into a movie) and the movie Magic Mike and now the impending re-release of the Sleeping Beauty trilogy from the 1980s which to me sounds utterly fabulous.  Based on the fairy tale Sleeping Beauty in a medieval fantasy world telling the story of the sexual adventures of the main character Beauty from the same writer who brought us Interview with a Vampire (Ann Rice).  I'm actually sad I have never heard of it until now as it somewhat brings older times which I am very into in my movies and reading and more modern times (well modern as the 80s) together.  Anyways, this one is definitely going on my reading list.  But, this also brings up an important question, with all the erotic entertainment as of late are American women becoming too in touch with their sexuality?  Does this threaten our relationships?   

I'm going to give you my opinion on this subject since this is my blog and of course there are always going to be differing opinions as there are with every aspect of life.  I for one find the fact that more American woman are turning to this sort of literature liberating.  Why shouldn't we be?  Our boyfriends/husbands look at pornography of their choosing while us and the kids are in bed or in our beds reading our erotic novels or whatever else we choose to read.  Now that's not to say I agree with excessive porn watching while neglecting your wife/girlfriend but that is for another blog and day.  In fact, I know it has given some women a sense of adventure and experimentation with their significant others they may have not had before if they had not read it.  And I have rarely ever heard a man complain about their significant other being a little extra randy after reading books or watching movies.  This is a lot of why I really am a firm believer not so much of what the writers words are (since it is no literary piece of work) but what they stand for.  I feel that women need to understand how to express themselves through their bodies more.  If we don't know the things that excite us, how are we supposed to communicate that our significant others?  I wouldn't think if our bodies were just vessels made to breed children we would get so much pleasure from such an act (orgasm).  I also feel too often women are ashamed of their bodies mostly because of what we believe are imperfections.  How many women do you know really look like the girls on TV, movies, and magazines?  Come on girls, we have to give ourselves realistic expectations.  I'm not saying you shouldn't better yourself if you want to but be real too.  Even a lot of the media outlets now a days are portraying un-photo shopped and un-made up images of celebs which proves photo shop and make up artists really can work wonders.  I have to say I envy the Europeans' sexual liberty in their publications, movies, and television.  Not only are they more open to their sexuality and more in touch with their sexual feelings with their significant others but a lot of their publications do portray "real" people.  But, even if we decide these are things we don't want to act out with our significant other (which is to each their own as far as the things they would and wouldn't do), it can still give us women a fantasy (Definition: imagine the occurrence of) which can carry over into our bedroom.  Just because you fantasize about something doesn't mean you necessarily want that something to actually happen; That is why it is called a fantasy. 

So in conclusion, if this type of literature and cinema gives us a liberating understanding of our sexuality that can carry over into our relationships with our significant others, why not embrace it?