How do you know when you are doing the right thing as a parent?
Unfortunately there is no answer to that question.
The "right thing" is a subject concept in general based on any given individuals opinion of what is right and wrong but then add the variable of how every child is different in their personalities and preferences, what works for one may not work for another. There is no handbook or given rules and guidelines for parents so most of the time we literally have nothing to go on. I was actually very surprised after I had Max and the hospital just lets you take them home after 24 hours with just a page or so of instructions. Then his Pediatrician is so laid back when I would ask him questions he was more like a therapist who would give you pros and cons of both ends of the spectrum options and never give a straight answer as to which works better. Then seeing I was exasperated and confused, I would get the "you are doing just fine Mom" speech. But it makes sense why he does that. Max was healthy and happy so at this point all he is doing is reassuring me I am doing a good job. And we as parents need that constant reassurance. We literally have no idea what we are doing a lot of time and are constantly scrutinizing and questioning what we should be doing and if we are doing the right thing. As long as your child is not being abused or neglected in any way what does it matter if you do time out or spankings, breast feed or formula feed, send them to daycare or don't send them to daycare, etc? We worry too much about what other people are doing and what works for them. Now, I'm not saying if you need advise on anything you shouldn't ask or take your friend's advice b/c hey I remember how hard it was to potty train and we took lots of advice and tried lots of things but don't judge another parent because your method didn't work for them or they decided something else would be better suited. Don't judge me. Yes, I let my child have a pacifier until a little bit after 2 years old, we tried to give it up sooner and it made everyone miserable so we decided to wait until he was old enough to reason with and had no issues giving it up then. It worked for us. And likewise, because I had no issues with Max staying in his bed or room at night (from the age of 6 weeks on) when I hear of someone saying their child sleeps with them I go "whoa" inside but that child is not my child and may have different sleep habits and needs from my child so who am I to judge?
When another person tells me what a great job I am doing with Max or comments on how smart he is or well adjusted I really feel like I have done my job as a parent. So am I doing the right thing for my child? I think so. But my rights and wrongs may differ from yours. So if I am doing something you don't agree with, it would be best to keep your mouth shut and concentrate on something good I am doing. It will make both of us feel better in the long run.
"This job is definitely the hardest job I have ever had but also the most rewarding."
Max
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Manti Te'o's real girlfriend Ronaiah Tuiasosopo
If you are anything like me you quickly tire of an over played, over dramatic news story that really has no meaning except to feed our selfish need of celebrity drama and weirdos (i.e. Honey Boo Boo). Well the Manti Te'o fake girlfriend story is no exception. We could easily debate over how someone could or shouldn't be duped by someone over an Internet romance that he did or shouldn't have called a relationship or that Ronaiah Tuiasosopo's real cousin did or didn't participate in helping with being the voice of the prank but I just don't care anymore. At this point the kid has suffered enough public humiliation that will last throughout his lifetime. However, I feel that the perpetrator behind the whole hoax should get a closer look. Why would one Ronaiah Tuisosopo make up this whole elaborate scheme?
Most of the media reports state that this was just a mean prank that went too far and that Ronaiah Tuiasosopo just was a troubled individual who had perpetrated such pranks before. But, I think there is probably more to this "troubled individual" than what has been reported by the media. Even if it was just a prank, why was it kept going so long? Wouldn't it be more conceivable that someone who is divulging such personal details of their life (by both parties) that maybe Tuiasosopo felt romantic feelings for Te'o? If it was a prank, there is no way he wouldn't have grown tired of being another person for so long unless what he was saying about his feelings and some details of his life were true and there was some sort of emotional connection that was believed to be between them. And if that was the case and Tuiasosopo had romantic feelings for Te'o, there have been no reports of him being openly gay that I have seen so he wouldn't have wanted his true identity to be known, especially in an Internet love affair with a heterosexual man. Because in his eyes, if Te'o had found out he was really not who he said he was in Lennay Kekua, there is no way he would want to talk to him or be with him not only because he was male but for having perpetrated this whole elaborate hoax. And furthermore, not only are feelings being involved, an obvious obsession with Manti Te'o developed through their "relationship". Obsession is defined as "compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion". Tuiasosopo's obsession with Te'o and their "relationship"
would have been what led him to keep the hoax going for so long. Then, in a tragic twist, at some point Tuiasosopo must have felt there was no way out of the predicament he was in and decided to "end" Lennay Kekua's life. Had the truth been too much to bear at that point and he became overwhelmed with guilt or had he found another obsession and decided it was time to move on? Either way, the details of this story still don't make any sense to me to be just a prank that went too far.
I actually had started writing this blog post January 24th like a frequently do, sometimes I won't finish and delete the posts, sometimes I will save and go back at a later date due to too much going on or when I find that words aren't coming to me as easy as they normally do in my blog posts but I see now where it has been leaked from Tuiasosopo's interview with Dr. Phil that he admits he fell in love with Te'o.
Most of the media reports state that this was just a mean prank that went too far and that Ronaiah Tuiasosopo just was a troubled individual who had perpetrated such pranks before. But, I think there is probably more to this "troubled individual" than what has been reported by the media. Even if it was just a prank, why was it kept going so long? Wouldn't it be more conceivable that someone who is divulging such personal details of their life (by both parties) that maybe Tuiasosopo felt romantic feelings for Te'o? If it was a prank, there is no way he wouldn't have grown tired of being another person for so long unless what he was saying about his feelings and some details of his life were true and there was some sort of emotional connection that was believed to be between them. And if that was the case and Tuiasosopo had romantic feelings for Te'o, there have been no reports of him being openly gay that I have seen so he wouldn't have wanted his true identity to be known, especially in an Internet love affair with a heterosexual man. Because in his eyes, if Te'o had found out he was really not who he said he was in Lennay Kekua, there is no way he would want to talk to him or be with him not only because he was male but for having perpetrated this whole elaborate hoax. And furthermore, not only are feelings being involved, an obvious obsession with Manti Te'o developed through their "relationship". Obsession is defined as "compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion". Tuiasosopo's obsession with Te'o and their "relationship"
would have been what led him to keep the hoax going for so long. Then, in a tragic twist, at some point Tuiasosopo must have felt there was no way out of the predicament he was in and decided to "end" Lennay Kekua's life. Had the truth been too much to bear at that point and he became overwhelmed with guilt or had he found another obsession and decided it was time to move on? Either way, the details of this story still don't make any sense to me to be just a prank that went too far.
I actually had started writing this blog post January 24th like a frequently do, sometimes I won't finish and delete the posts, sometimes I will save and go back at a later date due to too much going on or when I find that words aren't coming to me as easy as they normally do in my blog posts but I see now where it has been leaked from Tuiasosopo's interview with Dr. Phil that he admits he fell in love with Te'o.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Terrible 3s
It seems like when one thing goes wrong in our mornings everything goes wrong. Thus was the case this morning. I woke up at an earlier time than normal which was great so I wouldn't feel as rushed as I normally do (or so I thought). Neither Max or myself are morning people when we have to wake up. If we wake up on our own though, we are both a breath of fresh air. When I have to wake up Max in the morning I'm pretty sure he has no recollection of how he got into the living room as he is banging into walls on the way down the hallway like a drunk little old man. Likewise, I find myself sometimes washing my hair twice forgetting if I had done it already. But, there is something about the morning times where Max decides he's not going to cooperate with anything I tell him. Most of the time he doesn't throw all out fits but he will do anything in his power to escape being dressed in the mornings. He will wait until a single second where I don't have my hand around his waist and wiggle away to another couch or the reading nook, he will stiffen his arms so I can't get his shirt on or off, make his body go limp, etc. The whole time he's smiling and I am thinking in my head, "this kid is laughing at me inside". Threats, time outs, spankings make no difference and just cause further break downs. The only things that are my saving grace some mornings are when I can distract him with talking or something on TV or starting to count to 3 in a stern voice.
Anyways, I have come to the conclusion that it should not have been the terrible 2s, it really should be the terrible 3s and many of my friends of 3 year olds (or older) share that sentiment. By 3 they are really starting to develop their own opinions and attitudes (which Max seems to have a lot of), enjoying some independence and decision making ("What do you want for dinner tonight?" "I want to wear that shirt today." Or Max's favorite, "I don't need you to go to the bathroom with me.") but at the same time are more dependent on you than they like to think they are ("Will you wipe by butt?" "Will you help me put my shoes on?") Then of course there are times when all out fits are thrown over ridiculous things like "I don't want Stevie (the cat) in my room", "I don't want a red Popsicle", "My nose is running" or one of Max's favorites "I don't like commercials".
Then the blatant not listening of a 3 year old is equally as frustrating. "I know you are hear what I am telling you" as I am standing right in front of him. And the repeating telling him the same thing over and over again like the other day I told him 3 times to get his finger off of his friend's face just being wild and messing around and he still did it after I asked him the second time if he heard me and said yes. So after the third time I got right behind him on his level and turned him around by his arm and I saw the same fear of Mom look my mother instilled in us in his eyes and knew I didn't have to say anything more. He immediately stopped and didn't continue.
I also always joke with my mom how much we thought all hell broke loose when he started getting mobile compared to now. Now, he knows what he is doing is wrong like coloring on the floor, taking the baby proofing out of the outlets to stick something in it, (don't worry, we had a remember the hospital talk since he was so traumatized by being stuck there during meningitis) biting glow sticks, and shooting the TV with a Nerf gun to name a few. He is definitely more mentally and physically tiring now than he ever has been.
All I know is regardless of anything that kid does 5 good minutes makes up for any amount of bad behavior. 3 year olds are challenging on a good day but worth every sweet little kiss and hug.
Anyways, I have come to the conclusion that it should not have been the terrible 2s, it really should be the terrible 3s and many of my friends of 3 year olds (or older) share that sentiment. By 3 they are really starting to develop their own opinions and attitudes (which Max seems to have a lot of), enjoying some independence and decision making ("What do you want for dinner tonight?" "I want to wear that shirt today." Or Max's favorite, "I don't need you to go to the bathroom with me.") but at the same time are more dependent on you than they like to think they are ("Will you wipe by butt?" "Will you help me put my shoes on?") Then of course there are times when all out fits are thrown over ridiculous things like "I don't want Stevie (the cat) in my room", "I don't want a red Popsicle", "My nose is running" or one of Max's favorites "I don't like commercials".
Then the blatant not listening of a 3 year old is equally as frustrating. "I know you are hear what I am telling you" as I am standing right in front of him. And the repeating telling him the same thing over and over again like the other day I told him 3 times to get his finger off of his friend's face just being wild and messing around and he still did it after I asked him the second time if he heard me and said yes. So after the third time I got right behind him on his level and turned him around by his arm and I saw the same fear of Mom look my mother instilled in us in his eyes and knew I didn't have to say anything more. He immediately stopped and didn't continue.
I also always joke with my mom how much we thought all hell broke loose when he started getting mobile compared to now. Now, he knows what he is doing is wrong like coloring on the floor, taking the baby proofing out of the outlets to stick something in it, (don't worry, we had a remember the hospital talk since he was so traumatized by being stuck there during meningitis) biting glow sticks, and shooting the TV with a Nerf gun to name a few. He is definitely more mentally and physically tiring now than he ever has been.
All I know is regardless of anything that kid does 5 good minutes makes up for any amount of bad behavior. 3 year olds are challenging on a good day but worth every sweet little kiss and hug.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thoughts, not resolutions, for the New Year
In my year end closing as I sit here drinking champagne by myself in my living room after a perfect date with my sweet little boy and closest friends then a quick visit with my favorite girls (Mom and Lindz) and a low key celebration, instead of posting meaningless resolutions for the new year I have decided to post important life lessons I have learned this year. This year has been one of dramatic changes, more ups and downs than any one year in my entire 30 year life. But it has also given me a better understanding of myself and my needs as well as my child's needs. There is still work and learning to be done and although I'm pretty sure there will always be, 2012 has given my life new clarity I thought I would share.
Its okay to feel lonely when you are alone.
You have to let go of your perception of how you thought your life would be in order to live the life that's meant for you.
It takes a village to raise a child. Okay, maybe not a village but at least a good group of family and friends.
Your family and friends are your Achilles heel. They keep you standing when you don't think its possible anymore.
Your mind is your best friend and worst enemy but only if you let it be.
Cooking and cleaning releases endorphins and stress (maybe cooking more than cleaning in my case but both feel pretty darn good).
When you need reassurance that how you are feeling is just given the situation, do a little role playing (if not with a friend, just in your head). When you hear it in come out of someone else's mouth you will probably find what you are feeling doesn't sound so off base.
There is nothing wrong with needing help in whatever way from your loved ones. Everyone does it in some way, shape, or form in their lifetime.
It can be difficult for someone who is such a giver to be a taker but its necessary from time to time and more so in a time of need.
A mother's wrath is 100 times worse than any normal woman scorned.
Your mental health should be at the top of your list of priorities. Never sacrifice that for another person.
Children are way smarter (and sometimes more of a smart ass) than we ever give them credit for. They feel, see, and hear more than any adult.
You don't have to finish everything you want to or think you should in one day. There is always tomorrow.
Never put anything you think you have to do above doing things with your child. Its funny the things they remember as being a fun or good time.
Lastly, I will share one that I learned today. Grandmothers aren't meant for discipline or structure, they are meant for giving a love and legacy that no one else can give. There is nothing that is going to change that so I just have to get over it. I'm sure I will never fully understand what this means until I have a grandchild of my own but I do know what that love and legacy meant to me from my grandmothers.
I'm happy to be celebrating the end of one year and the beginning of another. 2013 has a lot of good in store for Max and myself and fortunately I have already seen a small glimpse into some of the changes to come. Cheers to more learning and life lessons!
Its okay to feel lonely when you are alone.
You have to let go of your perception of how you thought your life would be in order to live the life that's meant for you.
It takes a village to raise a child. Okay, maybe not a village but at least a good group of family and friends.
Your family and friends are your Achilles heel. They keep you standing when you don't think its possible anymore.
Your mind is your best friend and worst enemy but only if you let it be.
Cooking and cleaning releases endorphins and stress (maybe cooking more than cleaning in my case but both feel pretty darn good).
When you need reassurance that how you are feeling is just given the situation, do a little role playing (if not with a friend, just in your head). When you hear it in come out of someone else's mouth you will probably find what you are feeling doesn't sound so off base.
There is nothing wrong with needing help in whatever way from your loved ones. Everyone does it in some way, shape, or form in their lifetime.
It can be difficult for someone who is such a giver to be a taker but its necessary from time to time and more so in a time of need.
A mother's wrath is 100 times worse than any normal woman scorned.
Your mental health should be at the top of your list of priorities. Never sacrifice that for another person.
Children are way smarter (and sometimes more of a smart ass) than we ever give them credit for. They feel, see, and hear more than any adult.
You don't have to finish everything you want to or think you should in one day. There is always tomorrow.
Never put anything you think you have to do above doing things with your child. Its funny the things they remember as being a fun or good time.
Lastly, I will share one that I learned today. Grandmothers aren't meant for discipline or structure, they are meant for giving a love and legacy that no one else can give. There is nothing that is going to change that so I just have to get over it. I'm sure I will never fully understand what this means until I have a grandchild of my own but I do know what that love and legacy meant to me from my grandmothers.
I'm happy to be celebrating the end of one year and the beginning of another. 2013 has a lot of good in store for Max and myself and fortunately I have already seen a small glimpse into some of the changes to come. Cheers to more learning and life lessons!
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Elf on the Shelf Troubles
"What have I gotten myself into?" was what I kept repeating to myself last night. I know it looks like I am just another Elf on the Shelf mom on the surface but what everyone doesn't know is that Mark and I have reached a crossroads in our relationship. I'm stuck with him and him with me now. Once the Elf on the Shelf tradition has started there is no turning back. So after a couple of cocktails with my favorite girl last night I proceeded to spew choice words toward Mark and his continued shenanigans in the house...every fucking night! Can a Mom get a break for a night? Apparently not.
I am definitely a lazy Elf on the Shelf mom in he sense that if it takes longer than 5 minutes to complete, I'm not going to do it, with the exception of the Christmas countdown chain craft we did (and I use we loosely because Mark is lazier than I am) that took about 15 minutes while I was watching my show on TV.
When Max goes to bed at night that is typically my only time to relax, unwind, and be lazy for the day and Mark really messes up my groove so I apparently hold a lot of resentment towards him. This all came out last night in text message with my Mom when I was ready to go to bed and realized I still had to make this Elf on the Shelf thing happen. 9:54pm, Me: "God damn Mark, I'm sick of this fucking elf." 9:56pm Mom: "Lol, I'm laughing so hard...I know I thought Santa shit was bad to do one night, this is a whole fucking month." One of my bright less than 5 minute ideas for Mark last night was to make him a tire swing hanging from my candle chandelier but what I hadn't banked on is how difficult it is to actually hang a tire swing from just a string and get it leveled enough to where he can swing and it doesn't tip over. That's apparently why normal tire swings have an apparatus with hooks that anchor into 3 or 4 sides of the swing. So after approximately 9 minutes of struggling, 10:05pm, Me: "Didn't know this involved knowing logistics to set him up in a tire swing or make fucking paper airplanes" (which I have learned I have no clue how to do so apparently I am going to have to get one of my guy friends to help out there one night). But after all the knocking over candles and all the things on the table below which sounded like Mark was banging shit together and actually making toys for Santa in our own living room, I finally got his tire swing situated and it turned out very cute.
And then of course there are the days where I just am so exhausted or my mind is on other things that I forget. That normally involves a rushed and panicked moving shit around in the morning while Max is still sleeping or while he is not paying attention in another room. Mark even hid behind my back for a while one morning while I was trying to maneuver Max looking for him and not seeing I hadn't done my part from the night before so all I could come up with without him seeing me was that he had addressed our Christmas cards that needed to go to the mailbox.
I think I played it off pretty well and even my mom said to me, wow, I didn't know Mark actually did nice deeds. Yeah Mom, hes naughty and nice. Even earlier this week I had it all planned that Mark was going to get stickered and literally just forgot to do it before I went to bed. Luckily I woke up before Max did that morning and I was able to sneak out and make it happen.
So, as you can see Mark and I have a love/hate relationship but I have to learn to accept the fact that he's here to stay as well as he has to learn to accept the fact that I am a lazy Elf of the Shelf mom. I'm sure once the 24th rolls around and he has to go back to the North Pole until next holiday season we will have a few too many drinks together as we both will deserve it at that point. Hell, I might even miss the little guy.
I am definitely a lazy Elf on the Shelf mom in he sense that if it takes longer than 5 minutes to complete, I'm not going to do it, with the exception of the Christmas countdown chain craft we did (and I use we loosely because Mark is lazier than I am) that took about 15 minutes while I was watching my show on TV.
And then of course there are the days where I just am so exhausted or my mind is on other things that I forget. That normally involves a rushed and panicked moving shit around in the morning while Max is still sleeping or while he is not paying attention in another room. Mark even hid behind my back for a while one morning while I was trying to maneuver Max looking for him and not seeing I hadn't done my part from the night before so all I could come up with without him seeing me was that he had addressed our Christmas cards that needed to go to the mailbox.
So, as you can see Mark and I have a love/hate relationship but I have to learn to accept the fact that he's here to stay as well as he has to learn to accept the fact that I am a lazy Elf of the Shelf mom. I'm sure once the 24th rolls around and he has to go back to the North Pole until next holiday season we will have a few too many drinks together as we both will deserve it at that point. Hell, I might even miss the little guy.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Momma's boy
Given the amount of time we spend together on a normal basis and especially lately with being sick, Max has become my little hip attachment. Much like other Moms I know, I can't even get 2 minutes of privacy to go to the bathroom anymore without hearing frantic foot steps running down the hallway yelling "Momma, where are you?" But, being an only child to a single parent, there is a LOT involved in keeping him entertained and happy at 3 years old. I sometimes wonder if it would be easier if I had another one to keep him company. Then I wonder if all of my hair would be grey if that was the case. I joke all the time about how much easier it was when he was younger to keep him out of trouble and away from things he shouldn't do or touch and that these new mothers who have a newly mobile baby have no idea what lies ahead in toddlerhood much as I didn't at that time. I was talking to my mom through text message last night and she commented on how much fun we have together and how she can't take all the blame for spoiling him rotten after a night of solely being about him, building a fire for a "campfire", swinging, jumping on the trampoline, going to get ice cream since he has been talking about it for days even with the cold weather, and coloring. I told her as much fun as we have together we fight just as much. His brain has expanded so much in about a year's time but along with that his ability to reason and call me on my bull shit. I dread the day he starts reading and realizes the sign I tell him that says "no whining allowed" actually says "flammable, do not set on fire". There isn't a day that goes by anymore and I don't openly say "Oh man, I am in trouble". And I was the good quiet child growing up so no one can really say I am paying for my raising. I have compiled a few good Maxisms as of late I wanted to share.
You may not agree with my approach to his smart mouth but it works for us. Reasoning after the fact has become our go to tactic on how we deal with problems since reasoning during can be difficult and frustrating for a toddler. Unless I think it requires a quick hand to the backside. Regardless I always reason why he can't do something and why it is wrong.
Max has become a master story teller. And I'm talking about the kind of story that you tell around a campfire (which we frequently do). I am a classic listener and part of being a good listener is to engage and ask questions which I do in seminars or classes. Much to my dismay, no one has explained advanced communication skills to Max yet. I got in trouble the other day for asking him a question about what the the little pig's house was made of when he was telling the big bad wolf story. He said "You need to listen to me. You are not listening". I can truly say he has heard that a few hundred times so what did I expect?
Although this doesn't happen often, the second type of story telling he has engaged in recently is the lying/omitting important information. He got a spider stamp for Halloween that he was so excited about and asked me if he could open it and stamp something while I was cooking dinner one night. I said "Sure babe (my pet name for him), but you can only stamp on this piece of paper, nothing else, do you hear me?" He said, "Yes Mommy". I said, "Where do you stamp?" and he said, "The piece of paper." Get it, got it, good. About 5 minutes goes by and I go back in his playroom and check on him and there are green spiders all over his face. This is the point where I should have taken video and pictures for blackmail but I was laughing to hard inside to think clearly, just was able to plot my next move. I said, "Max, did you stamp anywhere other than that piece of paper?" He said, "No". I said, "You are sure you didn't stamp anywhere else?" He said "I didn't". I waited a minute and said "I'm going to ask you one more time, did you stamp anywhere else?" He said "No Mommy!" with an attitude. I said "Okay, come here for a minute. I want you to see something in the mirror" and pulled up his stool in front of the bathroom mirror to which he came slowly while asking "What is it?" He stepped up on it and immediately his face dropped like oh shit, I'm caught! He said, "I have green spiders on my face! Get it off!" (with panic) to which I busted out laughing and then helped him wash them off both of us laughing. We had a little discussion about lying later in the evening but he by no means got in trouble, I was laughing too hard.
Some of his stories get a little lengthy and far fetched and I sometimes have a tendency to let my mind wander and not listen as much especially when I have other things on my mind. Well, yesterday we were on our way home and he's telling me this whole analysis of what happened to his shoes (a few spots and scuffs on them) and my mind starts to drift elsewhere. We get home and I'm getting him out of the car and he's still talking about it and I said "Hmm...that's a big scuff mark on top there, do you drag your feet when you walk?" and he said "Mommy, that is NOT the problem. The problem is that I have spots and dirt around my shoes and on the bottom." (with a teenage attitude). My jaw just dropped. I have to say there are quite a few moments where he just catches me off guard and I am at a loss for words.
Max has become a really good staller mainly when I am getting him dressed in the morning and he "just wants to stay home". He would do anything to not get caught by me and slither out of my arms (sometimes going limp) including saying he "needs to go potty, needs something to drink, wants to eat his breakfast, needs to check the mail, needs to get a rock for his rock collection (in my car I might add)" all while whining and throwing a fit. One morning I was getting him dressed much to his dismay and he looks up at me half being mean and half being funny (smile on his face) and says "I just don't want to look at your face anymore." while laughing. My normal first reaction when he says something completely off the wall is "Did you really just say that?" Then my second natural reaction learning it was what he said was holy shit, that was actually funny followed by laughter along with him. Then of course my third reaction was a long discussion on the way to school about how things like that can hurt people's feelings. Still no freakin clue where he got that one.
A few nights ago I was letting him watch "just one more Scooby Doo" which always turns into an argument about how I should let him watch "just one more" after that to which he never wins. Well, after his show ended and he knew it was bed time, being the master staller that he is, he decided to engage me as to why he shouldn't have to go to bed. After a few moot points that I shrug off, he looks at me with those pretty blue eyes and says, "But Mommy, it just takes a really long long time to wake up when I go to sleep". Of course, at a loss for words again I go blank thinking man, this is so true, he will be asleep 9 hours or so which is a long long time for a little kid. I started feeling sympathy until I realized that was exactly what he was trying to do and I was being outsmarted by a 3 year old and finally responded, "Yes son, that is the point. Let's go".
It is amazing to see this little thing that was nothing but spit up, poop, and crying turn into a reasoning, smart ass human in his short three years. All I can say is I have my work cut out for me with this one. And although we get frustrated with each other at times, its the bond that we make in these years that makes for an everlasting love for years to come. He may be a Momma's boy but that's not a bad thing, just ask your Mom.
You may not agree with my approach to his smart mouth but it works for us. Reasoning after the fact has become our go to tactic on how we deal with problems since reasoning during can be difficult and frustrating for a toddler. Unless I think it requires a quick hand to the backside. Regardless I always reason why he can't do something and why it is wrong.
Max has become a master story teller. And I'm talking about the kind of story that you tell around a campfire (which we frequently do). I am a classic listener and part of being a good listener is to engage and ask questions which I do in seminars or classes. Much to my dismay, no one has explained advanced communication skills to Max yet. I got in trouble the other day for asking him a question about what the the little pig's house was made of when he was telling the big bad wolf story. He said "You need to listen to me. You are not listening". I can truly say he has heard that a few hundred times so what did I expect?
Although this doesn't happen often, the second type of story telling he has engaged in recently is the lying/omitting important information. He got a spider stamp for Halloween that he was so excited about and asked me if he could open it and stamp something while I was cooking dinner one night. I said "Sure babe (my pet name for him), but you can only stamp on this piece of paper, nothing else, do you hear me?" He said, "Yes Mommy". I said, "Where do you stamp?" and he said, "The piece of paper." Get it, got it, good. About 5 minutes goes by and I go back in his playroom and check on him and there are green spiders all over his face. This is the point where I should have taken video and pictures for blackmail but I was laughing to hard inside to think clearly, just was able to plot my next move. I said, "Max, did you stamp anywhere other than that piece of paper?" He said, "No". I said, "You are sure you didn't stamp anywhere else?" He said "I didn't". I waited a minute and said "I'm going to ask you one more time, did you stamp anywhere else?" He said "No Mommy!" with an attitude. I said "Okay, come here for a minute. I want you to see something in the mirror" and pulled up his stool in front of the bathroom mirror to which he came slowly while asking "What is it?" He stepped up on it and immediately his face dropped like oh shit, I'm caught! He said, "I have green spiders on my face! Get it off!" (with panic) to which I busted out laughing and then helped him wash them off both of us laughing. We had a little discussion about lying later in the evening but he by no means got in trouble, I was laughing too hard.
Some of his stories get a little lengthy and far fetched and I sometimes have a tendency to let my mind wander and not listen as much especially when I have other things on my mind. Well, yesterday we were on our way home and he's telling me this whole analysis of what happened to his shoes (a few spots and scuffs on them) and my mind starts to drift elsewhere. We get home and I'm getting him out of the car and he's still talking about it and I said "Hmm...that's a big scuff mark on top there, do you drag your feet when you walk?" and he said "Mommy, that is NOT the problem. The problem is that I have spots and dirt around my shoes and on the bottom." (with a teenage attitude). My jaw just dropped. I have to say there are quite a few moments where he just catches me off guard and I am at a loss for words.
Max has become a really good staller mainly when I am getting him dressed in the morning and he "just wants to stay home". He would do anything to not get caught by me and slither out of my arms (sometimes going limp) including saying he "needs to go potty, needs something to drink, wants to eat his breakfast, needs to check the mail, needs to get a rock for his rock collection (in my car I might add)" all while whining and throwing a fit. One morning I was getting him dressed much to his dismay and he looks up at me half being mean and half being funny (smile on his face) and says "I just don't want to look at your face anymore." while laughing. My normal first reaction when he says something completely off the wall is "Did you really just say that?" Then my second natural reaction learning it was what he said was holy shit, that was actually funny followed by laughter along with him. Then of course my third reaction was a long discussion on the way to school about how things like that can hurt people's feelings. Still no freakin clue where he got that one.
A few nights ago I was letting him watch "just one more Scooby Doo" which always turns into an argument about how I should let him watch "just one more" after that to which he never wins. Well, after his show ended and he knew it was bed time, being the master staller that he is, he decided to engage me as to why he shouldn't have to go to bed. After a few moot points that I shrug off, he looks at me with those pretty blue eyes and says, "But Mommy, it just takes a really long long time to wake up when I go to sleep". Of course, at a loss for words again I go blank thinking man, this is so true, he will be asleep 9 hours or so which is a long long time for a little kid. I started feeling sympathy until I realized that was exactly what he was trying to do and I was being outsmarted by a 3 year old and finally responded, "Yes son, that is the point. Let's go".
It is amazing to see this little thing that was nothing but spit up, poop, and crying turn into a reasoning, smart ass human in his short three years. All I can say is I have my work cut out for me with this one. And although we get frustrated with each other at times, its the bond that we make in these years that makes for an everlasting love for years to come. He may be a Momma's boy but that's not a bad thing, just ask your Mom.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy (meningitis)
I wanted to share my experience with everyone so that if anyone else has to go through this they will go in with more info than I did. I asked on average 5 questions every time the Doctor walked through the door at the ER, hospital, Dr office and although I definitely don't feel as informed as a Doctor now, I do feel informed enough to share this. Just a warning that some of the pictures and descriptions are pretty pitiful.
My previous post into Max's odd ailment was written Wednesday October 24th. He had a great day that day and was even able to go get his fall soccer pictures made with his team that afternoon. All of his tests came back normal and we thought things were looking up. Thursday around 3:00pm I got a call from his school that he was crying and complaining of his head hurting but didn't have a fever. Well because he didn't have a fever I didn't jump right away to go get him, we already had proof there was nothing wrong (that we could see), and we thought he was just going through a tough time emotionally with some of the things he was dealing with at home and that he was just needing extra attention and didn't want to be at school. School commented maybe he would feel better if we just brought him some Tylenol down there (since they can't give it to him) so I start to make the trip to the store when it dawned on me that he was supposed to go home with a friend (Grayson) and his Mom should be picking them up soon and maybe I could just get her to bring some Tylenol. After setting that up and calling school back to let them know and to see if there was any improvement and found out there wasn't I decided to talk to him on the phone. Max is very good at verbalizing his feelings for a 3 year old as that is what most of our car ride conversations consist of. I thought telling him he would be going home with Grayson and that Miss Melissa would be bringing him some Tylenol would get the normal "Yayyyy!" reaction and it didn't, he was absolutely pitiful sounding saying "mommy, I still sick. I need you.", so I decided it would be best for me to come get him. After I picked him up around 4:00pm he started crying inconsolably to the point of hyperventilating where I had to pull over the car saying his head hurt and since I had just given him Tylenol we just rode home with him screaming and crying to give it time to kick in. About 30-45 minutes went by and he was still inconsolable so after consulting with Mom we decided it was time to go to the ER. Immediately after arriving there right at 5:00pm (we were the only ones in the waiting room at the time) and I picked up a clipboard to start filling out, he said his "throat was going to come out of his mouth" (how he verbalizes throwing up) and of course we didn't make it to the nearest trash can and he threw up all over the waiting room. We have deducted this incident was due to the pain he was feeling since he didn't have any other incidents like this until several days later. After getting in a room minutes later thus began the test and wait phase.
During this time Max was having hysterical inconsolable crying fits and banters where he would just repeat over and over again "I just want to go home. I just want to go home. My head hurts." This went on about an hour until he realized that was not going to work and he saw a Taco Bell commercial and we think he decided well if these assholes won't let me go home surely they won't let me starve so he yelled and cried for another hour "I just want a crunchy taco! The crunchiest taco." This gave a little comedic relief to a scary situation for days afterwards. And dummy smart ass mommy said "don't worry babe, they are open late for the 4th meal, we can get one on the way home" (unknowing there wasn't going to be any going home). This poor kid just wanted a crunchy taco. So exhausting what felt like every option, the kid is obviously still in pain but was good a hiding it when the nurses and Doctors came in (I don't think he likes being seen like that) I started thinking about what my friend Joanne said a day or two previous about being worried her son had meningitis because of him complaining about his back and vomiting and because it seemed to be more prevalent this year. Mom had her I-Pad so I had her look it up just as the nurse was coming in and saw him screaming in pain and immediately went and go get the Dr. Without me saying anything she sat behind him pushing on his back and asking if it hurt back there and decided she thought it would be best to exhaust all possibilities and run a final test, a spinal tap. Scary stuff, and I even weighed my option as far as do I really want to do this, do I really think it could be this. He had a lot of the symptoms but this is very evasive. I knew I wouldn't be able to leave not exhausting everything though so we went ahead and did it. They had to put him in a conscience sedation with me talking to him to keep him calm while he went to La la land, (how they go to sleep is normally how they wake up, if they are calm, they will be calm, if they are agitated, they will be agitated) which was by far the most difficult thing I had to do the entire hospital stay. Mom had to leave the room and I sat there bedside and watched his eyes dilate and stay open how I would imagine it would be to watch someone die. I know, its terribly morbid but that's the only description I can give it. It still haunts me. After 15 long minutes in the waiting room I was able to come back and see him and much to mine and the nurses surprise he was wide awake and upset. She said typically they will stay asleep the whole 45 minutes they have to lay still on their back after the procedure and seeing as it was now 12:00 am I thought he would do so. Not the case, so I'm back in the chair holding his hand again trying to calm him down to go back to sleep again except this time no sedation with his eyes closed (thankfully, don't think I could handle that again). Lindsay had gotten back to the hospital by this time and since she works in a different department in the same hospital and he knows that he looked up at her and said "Cici, can you just make all this stop?" before he lost the fight and went back to sleep never letting go of his lovey during the entire procedure.
Shortly after I finally got him back to sleep the Doctor came back in and told us that after staying 4 hours past her shift and there was still 25 minutes left on his spinal fluid test she was going to go home but good news was that the spinal fluid was clear and typically it is cloudy with meningitis so she was going to prepare our release papers. At this point we all were exhausted and ready to go home but frustrated again with no answers for a little boy in so much pain. The nurse brought in the papers, I set them in my purse and sat it on the end of the bed and we just had to wait for the final say from the Doctor who took over for the other very sweet wonderful Doctor who stayed with us almost the whole time we were in the ER. Shortly before 1:00am (I thought to myself uh oh, we missed 4th meal, hes going to be pissed) I see the also very sweet nurse who we bonded with during our long time there come in the room and start hooking up an IV bag. At this point, I said "That can't be good" and my heart and gut just sank. Of course the nurse can't give us any results or tell us anything but Lindsay started asking questions in a round about way and the sweet nurse's facial expressions said it all. At that point I had to turn around and walk to the corner of the room and try to compose myself as tears started streaming down. I was filled with confusion, relief to finally know what was wrong, angry at myself for doubting for a second that what he was feeling was not just an emotional reaction to a confusing time, scared for what was to come. How long would we be here? What am I going to do with a bouncing 3 year old in a hospital room? When the other Doctor came in shortly after it became a blur. I heard her say something about a week stay is average but if they find it to be bacterial could be upwards of several weeks. Now we have to wait on the Doctor on call at his Pediatric office then they can get us a room. She came in looking way better than myself at 2am but I could tell she had just rolled out of bed. She studied the file for what seemed like 10 minutes although I'm sure it was only a couple. When she came in she began to explain the process to us of how we find out what type of meningitis is it and how he got it. Immediately she remarked that they were leaning toward viral which is the less severe, shorter stay mostly because bacterial causes a painful itchy rash which he didn't have and the virus that causes the viral kind was going around. She said it would take 48 hours to get the results back from the spinal fluid test where they basically put it in a petri dish and wait to see if it grows bacteria on it (in which case its bacterial) but there was another blood test that has to be sent off that could come back as early as the next afternoon but was somewhat unlikely since we were getting on into the weekend, was possible we would have to wait until the spinal fluid test but if he was feeling better in that time we should be able to go home when they ruled out bacterial. Max stayed asleep during all of this after they had forced us to wake him up from the sedation to check on him briefly (which was impossible by the way) and since now at 2:00 am we were just waiting on a room, Lindsay who had to be to work at 7:00am graciously said she would stay for me to go home to take one of the quickest showers I have ever taken (because lord knows when I would get a chance to do that again), collect a bag of clothes and personal belongings for me and him and toys and movies of course (all the time thinking, how the hell am I going to entertain a 3 year old in the hospital?). Takes me 20 minutes to get home, 20 to shower and pack, and 20 to get back after forgetting to turn off several lights in the house so I arrive right at 3:00am. The sweet nurse who had taken such good care of us had waited for me to get back to take him to a room so less than 10 minutes after I arrived we were headed up to room 406. After finally getting settled and him back to sleep after being moved and having to explain to him that we could not go home for a while because we had to get him better (2nd hardest thing I had to do in the hospital) and they explained to me that we were in isolation because of the dangerous contagiousness of the disease if its bacterial and personnel would be entering with full sterilization gear, I finally got to my nice comfy (not!) couch and passed out around 4:00am. The Pediatrician on call came in at 7:15am that morning much to mine and Max's chagrin where he further explained viral meningitis to me and how the meningitis itself is not contagious, the enterovirus that causes it is contagious and that it has been going around and causes the doubled over extreme stomach pain. In order for it to turn into meningitis there has to be an underlying weakened immune system we deducted that was most likely caused by the virus he got one week previous to all of this that was a terribly nasty stomach bug I thought was the flu and had taken him to the Doctor for. Mom came up shortly after that since she was so worried and couldn't sleep and the rest of the day Friday and Saturday was spent trying to keep him entertained (luckily had lots of good people help us with that), keeping the pain regulated coordinating lunches and dinners with great friends who helped (finally got that crunchy taco as soon as they opened the next day BTW),
updating people via text message and Facebook, and the most daunting task of taking him to the bathroom. It wasn't bad enough this poor guy was hooked up to the IV stand we had to maneuver for him everywhere but he didn't even want to walk, his legs were weak and shaky, it would cause bad stomach pains and he would double over and scream, his back was sore so I had to carry him while Mimi followed with the IV stand and throw up bucket (hurt equally as much standing up and sitting down to pee so he would become nauseous). And both days went back and forth between having good times and bad times, he would feel good one minute and the next he was in great pain which I found out from my favorite nurse during his stay that was normal with meningitis and they would even have good days and bad days much like his good day the Wednesday of soccer pics and bad day Thursday trip to the ER.
Finally Sunday rolled around and since we still hadn't gotten the blood work sent to the Mayo Clinic to see if he tested positive for the enterovirus I was hoping to see what the bacterial test turned up. The Doctor on call that day told me it had not grown bacteria yet but he really wanted to give it one more day and get those blood results back. Ugh, frustrating, its been over 48 hours. The Doctor encouraged us to encourage him to get up and walk more after he showed him how he could do it coming back from the bathroom (so pitifully weak and wobbly and bent over) so I went to go ask the nurse if we could walk the halls which she agreed to with a mask on since we still hadn't gotten the final word on it being viral. Well by the time this all happened he wasn't having the mask and decided he would just walk to the couch. Well, something switched in his brain and he threw the most massive Exorcist type fit I have ever seen, screaming at the top of his lungs, would scream at the nurses when they came in to check on us, hit me, tried to bite me, it was terrible (3rd hardest thing to deal with in the hospital). The nurses were just picking up the phone to call the Doctor to come restrain him and sedate him when he finally calmed down because he wore himself out and fell asleep sitting up on the couch. Well another symptom of meningitis is extreme confusion at times and that's for sure what sparked his outburst and he would say "I want to watch a movie! I don't want to watch a movie! I want to watch a movie! I don't want to watch a movie!" When the Doctor came by in the evening he told me his primary Doctor would be the Doctor on call Monday and would be the one making the rounds so that gave me some comfort for a new day. Right as I was drifting off to sleep that night around 9:00pm the nurse came in and told me the test for enterovirus came back positive definitely finally declaring it the viral less severe type of meningitis. After that I couldn't sleep for several more hours from adrenaline. Finally his Doctor saw us around 8:00am Monday, Max woke up feeling better than any other day since we had been there, we knew it was viral, and were so excited to hear the words fall out of his mouth, well if you all are feeling up to it and get him around and moving more and pain is manageable you can go home later. Then I was able to confirm with the nurse he was not in isolation anymore and could walk up and down the halls (with IV stand in tow). We walked, we played, he went to the bathroom with no issues, just a little wobbly and hunched over like a drunk little old man and things went great so we decided we were ready to go home.
After finally napping peacefully together in the comfort of my own bed, he woke up in a great mood again after being disoriented waking up half way between. That should have been my first clue that we weren't in the clear because what proceeded was the absolute worst 24 hours of the entire virus. He was in so much pain he was screaming at the top of his lungs, his head hurt, his tummy hurt, then came the vomiting. Finally after talking to the on call nurse twice the Doctor called in some Tylenol with codeine to give him some relief to the only Pharmacy in town that was open at 11:00pm 25 miles away (thank the lord for Mimi). Well he couldn't keep anything down but was able to at least keep it down long enough to get the drowsiness and us get some rest (not to much for Mimi who kept him company on the couch). The next day was more of the same, extreme pain, still couldn't keep anything down including water and medicine so we got him back in to see the Doctor. At this point we are thinking, what the hell did we do leaving the hospital yesterday? After getting the okay from him that everything he was feeling was unfortunately normal and giving us some more medication that could potentially help including anti nausea, we went back home, drugged him up, and was finally able to give him a little relief for the remaining afternoon/evening. Wednesday was Halloween and although I knew it wouldn't be possible to take him trick or treating with the previous day we had we woke up with new encouragement. He had much more of a pep in his step that day and looked like he was actually feeling a lot better but we couldn't be sure, could it just be another good day after a bad day? I'm happy to report that it was just him getting better. The next day came and went and he was still doing good, then Saturday came, he hadn't had a fever in several days and throwing up for more than 36 hours so he got to go to his best friend's birthday party. He still wakes up with some stiffness, soreness, and a little crankiness but he's back to the normal, fun, energetic little guy I know and love. Okay...aside from the excess spoiledness caused mostly by his Mimi. So I have to fix the fact that he now screams "Mommyyyyyy!!!!" throughout the whole house just to get me to cover him up with his blanket, turn the channel on the TV, or get him some more Cheese Its. We are working on the "only yell if its an emergency, otherwise you need to get off your butt and come tell me what you need" but believe me, I would take that any day over what we went through.
Thanks to everyone who so graciously brought us food, toys, movies, visited, and asked about him. We truly are surrounded by some great people.
My previous post into Max's odd ailment was written Wednesday October 24th. He had a great day that day and was even able to go get his fall soccer pictures made with his team that afternoon. All of his tests came back normal and we thought things were looking up. Thursday around 3:00pm I got a call from his school that he was crying and complaining of his head hurting but didn't have a fever. Well because he didn't have a fever I didn't jump right away to go get him, we already had proof there was nothing wrong (that we could see), and we thought he was just going through a tough time emotionally with some of the things he was dealing with at home and that he was just needing extra attention and didn't want to be at school. School commented maybe he would feel better if we just brought him some Tylenol down there (since they can't give it to him) so I start to make the trip to the store when it dawned on me that he was supposed to go home with a friend (Grayson) and his Mom should be picking them up soon and maybe I could just get her to bring some Tylenol. After setting that up and calling school back to let them know and to see if there was any improvement and found out there wasn't I decided to talk to him on the phone. Max is very good at verbalizing his feelings for a 3 year old as that is what most of our car ride conversations consist of. I thought telling him he would be going home with Grayson and that Miss Melissa would be bringing him some Tylenol would get the normal "Yayyyy!" reaction and it didn't, he was absolutely pitiful sounding saying "mommy, I still sick. I need you.", so I decided it would be best for me to come get him. After I picked him up around 4:00pm he started crying inconsolably to the point of hyperventilating where I had to pull over the car saying his head hurt and since I had just given him Tylenol we just rode home with him screaming and crying to give it time to kick in. About 30-45 minutes went by and he was still inconsolable so after consulting with Mom we decided it was time to go to the ER. Immediately after arriving there right at 5:00pm (we were the only ones in the waiting room at the time) and I picked up a clipboard to start filling out, he said his "throat was going to come out of his mouth" (how he verbalizes throwing up) and of course we didn't make it to the nearest trash can and he threw up all over the waiting room. We have deducted this incident was due to the pain he was feeling since he didn't have any other incidents like this until several days later. After getting in a room minutes later thus began the test and wait phase.
During this time Max was having hysterical inconsolable crying fits and banters where he would just repeat over and over again "I just want to go home. I just want to go home. My head hurts." This went on about an hour until he realized that was not going to work and he saw a Taco Bell commercial and we think he decided well if these assholes won't let me go home surely they won't let me starve so he yelled and cried for another hour "I just want a crunchy taco! The crunchiest taco." This gave a little comedic relief to a scary situation for days afterwards. And dummy smart ass mommy said "don't worry babe, they are open late for the 4th meal, we can get one on the way home" (unknowing there wasn't going to be any going home). This poor kid just wanted a crunchy taco. So exhausting what felt like every option, the kid is obviously still in pain but was good a hiding it when the nurses and Doctors came in (I don't think he likes being seen like that) I started thinking about what my friend Joanne said a day or two previous about being worried her son had meningitis because of him complaining about his back and vomiting and because it seemed to be more prevalent this year. Mom had her I-Pad so I had her look it up just as the nurse was coming in and saw him screaming in pain and immediately went and go get the Dr. Without me saying anything she sat behind him pushing on his back and asking if it hurt back there and decided she thought it would be best to exhaust all possibilities and run a final test, a spinal tap. Scary stuff, and I even weighed my option as far as do I really want to do this, do I really think it could be this. He had a lot of the symptoms but this is very evasive. I knew I wouldn't be able to leave not exhausting everything though so we went ahead and did it. They had to put him in a conscience sedation with me talking to him to keep him calm while he went to La la land, (how they go to sleep is normally how they wake up, if they are calm, they will be calm, if they are agitated, they will be agitated) which was by far the most difficult thing I had to do the entire hospital stay. Mom had to leave the room and I sat there bedside and watched his eyes dilate and stay open how I would imagine it would be to watch someone die. I know, its terribly morbid but that's the only description I can give it. It still haunts me. After 15 long minutes in the waiting room I was able to come back and see him and much to mine and the nurses surprise he was wide awake and upset. She said typically they will stay asleep the whole 45 minutes they have to lay still on their back after the procedure and seeing as it was now 12:00 am I thought he would do so. Not the case, so I'm back in the chair holding his hand again trying to calm him down to go back to sleep again except this time no sedation with his eyes closed (thankfully, don't think I could handle that again). Lindsay had gotten back to the hospital by this time and since she works in a different department in the same hospital and he knows that he looked up at her and said "Cici, can you just make all this stop?" before he lost the fight and went back to sleep never letting go of his lovey during the entire procedure.
Shortly after I finally got him back to sleep the Doctor came back in and told us that after staying 4 hours past her shift and there was still 25 minutes left on his spinal fluid test she was going to go home but good news was that the spinal fluid was clear and typically it is cloudy with meningitis so she was going to prepare our release papers. At this point we all were exhausted and ready to go home but frustrated again with no answers for a little boy in so much pain. The nurse brought in the papers, I set them in my purse and sat it on the end of the bed and we just had to wait for the final say from the Doctor who took over for the other very sweet wonderful Doctor who stayed with us almost the whole time we were in the ER. Shortly before 1:00am (I thought to myself uh oh, we missed 4th meal, hes going to be pissed) I see the also very sweet nurse who we bonded with during our long time there come in the room and start hooking up an IV bag. At this point, I said "That can't be good" and my heart and gut just sank. Of course the nurse can't give us any results or tell us anything but Lindsay started asking questions in a round about way and the sweet nurse's facial expressions said it all. At that point I had to turn around and walk to the corner of the room and try to compose myself as tears started streaming down. I was filled with confusion, relief to finally know what was wrong, angry at myself for doubting for a second that what he was feeling was not just an emotional reaction to a confusing time, scared for what was to come. How long would we be here? What am I going to do with a bouncing 3 year old in a hospital room? When the other Doctor came in shortly after it became a blur. I heard her say something about a week stay is average but if they find it to be bacterial could be upwards of several weeks. Now we have to wait on the Doctor on call at his Pediatric office then they can get us a room. She came in looking way better than myself at 2am but I could tell she had just rolled out of bed. She studied the file for what seemed like 10 minutes although I'm sure it was only a couple. When she came in she began to explain the process to us of how we find out what type of meningitis is it and how he got it. Immediately she remarked that they were leaning toward viral which is the less severe, shorter stay mostly because bacterial causes a painful itchy rash which he didn't have and the virus that causes the viral kind was going around. She said it would take 48 hours to get the results back from the spinal fluid test where they basically put it in a petri dish and wait to see if it grows bacteria on it (in which case its bacterial) but there was another blood test that has to be sent off that could come back as early as the next afternoon but was somewhat unlikely since we were getting on into the weekend, was possible we would have to wait until the spinal fluid test but if he was feeling better in that time we should be able to go home when they ruled out bacterial. Max stayed asleep during all of this after they had forced us to wake him up from the sedation to check on him briefly (which was impossible by the way) and since now at 2:00 am we were just waiting on a room, Lindsay who had to be to work at 7:00am graciously said she would stay for me to go home to take one of the quickest showers I have ever taken (because lord knows when I would get a chance to do that again), collect a bag of clothes and personal belongings for me and him and toys and movies of course (all the time thinking, how the hell am I going to entertain a 3 year old in the hospital?). Takes me 20 minutes to get home, 20 to shower and pack, and 20 to get back after forgetting to turn off several lights in the house so I arrive right at 3:00am. The sweet nurse who had taken such good care of us had waited for me to get back to take him to a room so less than 10 minutes after I arrived we were headed up to room 406. After finally getting settled and him back to sleep after being moved and having to explain to him that we could not go home for a while because we had to get him better (2nd hardest thing I had to do in the hospital) and they explained to me that we were in isolation because of the dangerous contagiousness of the disease if its bacterial and personnel would be entering with full sterilization gear, I finally got to my nice comfy (not!) couch and passed out around 4:00am. The Pediatrician on call came in at 7:15am that morning much to mine and Max's chagrin where he further explained viral meningitis to me and how the meningitis itself is not contagious, the enterovirus that causes it is contagious and that it has been going around and causes the doubled over extreme stomach pain. In order for it to turn into meningitis there has to be an underlying weakened immune system we deducted that was most likely caused by the virus he got one week previous to all of this that was a terribly nasty stomach bug I thought was the flu and had taken him to the Doctor for. Mom came up shortly after that since she was so worried and couldn't sleep and the rest of the day Friday and Saturday was spent trying to keep him entertained (luckily had lots of good people help us with that), keeping the pain regulated coordinating lunches and dinners with great friends who helped (finally got that crunchy taco as soon as they opened the next day BTW),
updating people via text message and Facebook, and the most daunting task of taking him to the bathroom. It wasn't bad enough this poor guy was hooked up to the IV stand we had to maneuver for him everywhere but he didn't even want to walk, his legs were weak and shaky, it would cause bad stomach pains and he would double over and scream, his back was sore so I had to carry him while Mimi followed with the IV stand and throw up bucket (hurt equally as much standing up and sitting down to pee so he would become nauseous). And both days went back and forth between having good times and bad times, he would feel good one minute and the next he was in great pain which I found out from my favorite nurse during his stay that was normal with meningitis and they would even have good days and bad days much like his good day the Wednesday of soccer pics and bad day Thursday trip to the ER.
Finally Sunday rolled around and since we still hadn't gotten the blood work sent to the Mayo Clinic to see if he tested positive for the enterovirus I was hoping to see what the bacterial test turned up. The Doctor on call that day told me it had not grown bacteria yet but he really wanted to give it one more day and get those blood results back. Ugh, frustrating, its been over 48 hours. The Doctor encouraged us to encourage him to get up and walk more after he showed him how he could do it coming back from the bathroom (so pitifully weak and wobbly and bent over) so I went to go ask the nurse if we could walk the halls which she agreed to with a mask on since we still hadn't gotten the final word on it being viral. Well by the time this all happened he wasn't having the mask and decided he would just walk to the couch. Well, something switched in his brain and he threw the most massive Exorcist type fit I have ever seen, screaming at the top of his lungs, would scream at the nurses when they came in to check on us, hit me, tried to bite me, it was terrible (3rd hardest thing to deal with in the hospital). The nurses were just picking up the phone to call the Doctor to come restrain him and sedate him when he finally calmed down because he wore himself out and fell asleep sitting up on the couch. Well another symptom of meningitis is extreme confusion at times and that's for sure what sparked his outburst and he would say "I want to watch a movie! I don't want to watch a movie! I want to watch a movie! I don't want to watch a movie!" When the Doctor came by in the evening he told me his primary Doctor would be the Doctor on call Monday and would be the one making the rounds so that gave me some comfort for a new day. Right as I was drifting off to sleep that night around 9:00pm the nurse came in and told me the test for enterovirus came back positive definitely finally declaring it the viral less severe type of meningitis. After that I couldn't sleep for several more hours from adrenaline. Finally his Doctor saw us around 8:00am Monday, Max woke up feeling better than any other day since we had been there, we knew it was viral, and were so excited to hear the words fall out of his mouth, well if you all are feeling up to it and get him around and moving more and pain is manageable you can go home later. Then I was able to confirm with the nurse he was not in isolation anymore and could walk up and down the halls (with IV stand in tow). We walked, we played, he went to the bathroom with no issues, just a little wobbly and hunched over like a drunk little old man and things went great so we decided we were ready to go home.
Thanks to everyone who so graciously brought us food, toys, movies, visited, and asked about him. We truly are surrounded by some great people.
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