In my year end closing as I sit here drinking champagne by myself in my living room after a perfect date with my sweet little boy and closest friends then a quick visit with my favorite girls (Mom and Lindz) and a low key celebration, instead of posting meaningless resolutions for the new year I have decided to post important life lessons I have learned this year. This year has been one of dramatic changes, more ups and downs than any one year in my entire 30 year life. But it has also given me a better understanding of myself and my needs as well as my child's needs. There is still work and learning to be done and although I'm pretty sure there will always be, 2012 has given my life new clarity I thought I would share.
Its okay to feel lonely when you are alone.
You have to let go of your perception of how you thought your life would be in order to live the life that's meant for you.
It takes a village to raise a child. Okay, maybe not a village but at least a good group of family and friends.
Your family and friends are your Achilles heel. They keep you standing when you don't think its possible anymore.
Your mind is your best friend and worst enemy but only if you let it be.
Cooking and cleaning releases endorphins and stress (maybe cooking more than cleaning in my case but both feel pretty darn good).
When you need reassurance that how you are feeling is just given the situation, do a little role playing (if not with a friend, just in your head). When you hear it in come out of someone else's mouth you will probably find what you are feeling doesn't sound so off base.
There is nothing wrong with needing help in whatever way from your loved ones. Everyone does it in some way, shape, or form in their lifetime.
It can be difficult for someone who is such a giver to be a taker but its necessary from time to time and more so in a time of need.
A mother's wrath is 100 times worse than any normal woman scorned.
Your mental health should be at the top of your list of priorities. Never sacrifice that for another person.
Children are way smarter (and sometimes more of a smart ass) than we ever give them credit for. They feel, see, and hear more than any adult.
You don't have to finish everything you want to or think you should in one day. There is always tomorrow.
Never put anything you think you have to do above doing things with your child. Its funny the things they remember as being a fun or good time.
Lastly, I will share one that I learned today. Grandmothers aren't meant for discipline or structure, they are meant for giving a love and legacy that no one else can give. There is nothing that is going to change that so I just have to get over it. I'm sure I will never fully understand what this means until I have a grandchild of my own but I do know what that love and legacy meant to me from my grandmothers.
I'm happy to be celebrating the end of one year and the beginning of another. 2013 has a lot of good in store for Max and myself and fortunately I have already seen a small glimpse into some of the changes to come. Cheers to more learning and life lessons!
Max
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Elf on the Shelf Troubles
"What have I gotten myself into?" was what I kept repeating to myself last night. I know it looks like I am just another Elf on the Shelf mom on the surface but what everyone doesn't know is that Mark and I have reached a crossroads in our relationship. I'm stuck with him and him with me now. Once the Elf on the Shelf tradition has started there is no turning back. So after a couple of cocktails with my favorite girl last night I proceeded to spew choice words toward Mark and his continued shenanigans in the house...every fucking night! Can a Mom get a break for a night? Apparently not.
I am definitely a lazy Elf on the Shelf mom in he sense that if it takes longer than 5 minutes to complete, I'm not going to do it, with the exception of the Christmas countdown chain craft we did (and I use we loosely because Mark is lazier than I am) that took about 15 minutes while I was watching my show on TV.
When Max goes to bed at night that is typically my only time to relax, unwind, and be lazy for the day and Mark really messes up my groove so I apparently hold a lot of resentment towards him. This all came out last night in text message with my Mom when I was ready to go to bed and realized I still had to make this Elf on the Shelf thing happen. 9:54pm, Me: "God damn Mark, I'm sick of this fucking elf." 9:56pm Mom: "Lol, I'm laughing so hard...I know I thought Santa shit was bad to do one night, this is a whole fucking month." One of my bright less than 5 minute ideas for Mark last night was to make him a tire swing hanging from my candle chandelier but what I hadn't banked on is how difficult it is to actually hang a tire swing from just a string and get it leveled enough to where he can swing and it doesn't tip over. That's apparently why normal tire swings have an apparatus with hooks that anchor into 3 or 4 sides of the swing. So after approximately 9 minutes of struggling, 10:05pm, Me: "Didn't know this involved knowing logistics to set him up in a tire swing or make fucking paper airplanes" (which I have learned I have no clue how to do so apparently I am going to have to get one of my guy friends to help out there one night). But after all the knocking over candles and all the things on the table below which sounded like Mark was banging shit together and actually making toys for Santa in our own living room, I finally got his tire swing situated and it turned out very cute.
And then of course there are the days where I just am so exhausted or my mind is on other things that I forget. That normally involves a rushed and panicked moving shit around in the morning while Max is still sleeping or while he is not paying attention in another room. Mark even hid behind my back for a while one morning while I was trying to maneuver Max looking for him and not seeing I hadn't done my part from the night before so all I could come up with without him seeing me was that he had addressed our Christmas cards that needed to go to the mailbox.
I think I played it off pretty well and even my mom said to me, wow, I didn't know Mark actually did nice deeds. Yeah Mom, hes naughty and nice. Even earlier this week I had it all planned that Mark was going to get stickered and literally just forgot to do it before I went to bed. Luckily I woke up before Max did that morning and I was able to sneak out and make it happen.
So, as you can see Mark and I have a love/hate relationship but I have to learn to accept the fact that he's here to stay as well as he has to learn to accept the fact that I am a lazy Elf of the Shelf mom. I'm sure once the 24th rolls around and he has to go back to the North Pole until next holiday season we will have a few too many drinks together as we both will deserve it at that point. Hell, I might even miss the little guy.
I am definitely a lazy Elf on the Shelf mom in he sense that if it takes longer than 5 minutes to complete, I'm not going to do it, with the exception of the Christmas countdown chain craft we did (and I use we loosely because Mark is lazier than I am) that took about 15 minutes while I was watching my show on TV.
And then of course there are the days where I just am so exhausted or my mind is on other things that I forget. That normally involves a rushed and panicked moving shit around in the morning while Max is still sleeping or while he is not paying attention in another room. Mark even hid behind my back for a while one morning while I was trying to maneuver Max looking for him and not seeing I hadn't done my part from the night before so all I could come up with without him seeing me was that he had addressed our Christmas cards that needed to go to the mailbox.
So, as you can see Mark and I have a love/hate relationship but I have to learn to accept the fact that he's here to stay as well as he has to learn to accept the fact that I am a lazy Elf of the Shelf mom. I'm sure once the 24th rolls around and he has to go back to the North Pole until next holiday season we will have a few too many drinks together as we both will deserve it at that point. Hell, I might even miss the little guy.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Momma's boy
Given the amount of time we spend together on a normal basis and especially lately with being sick, Max has become my little hip attachment. Much like other Moms I know, I can't even get 2 minutes of privacy to go to the bathroom anymore without hearing frantic foot steps running down the hallway yelling "Momma, where are you?" But, being an only child to a single parent, there is a LOT involved in keeping him entertained and happy at 3 years old. I sometimes wonder if it would be easier if I had another one to keep him company. Then I wonder if all of my hair would be grey if that was the case. I joke all the time about how much easier it was when he was younger to keep him out of trouble and away from things he shouldn't do or touch and that these new mothers who have a newly mobile baby have no idea what lies ahead in toddlerhood much as I didn't at that time. I was talking to my mom through text message last night and she commented on how much fun we have together and how she can't take all the blame for spoiling him rotten after a night of solely being about him, building a fire for a "campfire", swinging, jumping on the trampoline, going to get ice cream since he has been talking about it for days even with the cold weather, and coloring. I told her as much fun as we have together we fight just as much. His brain has expanded so much in about a year's time but along with that his ability to reason and call me on my bull shit. I dread the day he starts reading and realizes the sign I tell him that says "no whining allowed" actually says "flammable, do not set on fire". There isn't a day that goes by anymore and I don't openly say "Oh man, I am in trouble". And I was the good quiet child growing up so no one can really say I am paying for my raising. I have compiled a few good Maxisms as of late I wanted to share.
You may not agree with my approach to his smart mouth but it works for us. Reasoning after the fact has become our go to tactic on how we deal with problems since reasoning during can be difficult and frustrating for a toddler. Unless I think it requires a quick hand to the backside. Regardless I always reason why he can't do something and why it is wrong.
Max has become a master story teller. And I'm talking about the kind of story that you tell around a campfire (which we frequently do). I am a classic listener and part of being a good listener is to engage and ask questions which I do in seminars or classes. Much to my dismay, no one has explained advanced communication skills to Max yet. I got in trouble the other day for asking him a question about what the the little pig's house was made of when he was telling the big bad wolf story. He said "You need to listen to me. You are not listening". I can truly say he has heard that a few hundred times so what did I expect?
Although this doesn't happen often, the second type of story telling he has engaged in recently is the lying/omitting important information. He got a spider stamp for Halloween that he was so excited about and asked me if he could open it and stamp something while I was cooking dinner one night. I said "Sure babe (my pet name for him), but you can only stamp on this piece of paper, nothing else, do you hear me?" He said, "Yes Mommy". I said, "Where do you stamp?" and he said, "The piece of paper." Get it, got it, good. About 5 minutes goes by and I go back in his playroom and check on him and there are green spiders all over his face. This is the point where I should have taken video and pictures for blackmail but I was laughing to hard inside to think clearly, just was able to plot my next move. I said, "Max, did you stamp anywhere other than that piece of paper?" He said, "No". I said, "You are sure you didn't stamp anywhere else?" He said "I didn't". I waited a minute and said "I'm going to ask you one more time, did you stamp anywhere else?" He said "No Mommy!" with an attitude. I said "Okay, come here for a minute. I want you to see something in the mirror" and pulled up his stool in front of the bathroom mirror to which he came slowly while asking "What is it?" He stepped up on it and immediately his face dropped like oh shit, I'm caught! He said, "I have green spiders on my face! Get it off!" (with panic) to which I busted out laughing and then helped him wash them off both of us laughing. We had a little discussion about lying later in the evening but he by no means got in trouble, I was laughing too hard.
Some of his stories get a little lengthy and far fetched and I sometimes have a tendency to let my mind wander and not listen as much especially when I have other things on my mind. Well, yesterday we were on our way home and he's telling me this whole analysis of what happened to his shoes (a few spots and scuffs on them) and my mind starts to drift elsewhere. We get home and I'm getting him out of the car and he's still talking about it and I said "Hmm...that's a big scuff mark on top there, do you drag your feet when you walk?" and he said "Mommy, that is NOT the problem. The problem is that I have spots and dirt around my shoes and on the bottom." (with a teenage attitude). My jaw just dropped. I have to say there are quite a few moments where he just catches me off guard and I am at a loss for words.
Max has become a really good staller mainly when I am getting him dressed in the morning and he "just wants to stay home". He would do anything to not get caught by me and slither out of my arms (sometimes going limp) including saying he "needs to go potty, needs something to drink, wants to eat his breakfast, needs to check the mail, needs to get a rock for his rock collection (in my car I might add)" all while whining and throwing a fit. One morning I was getting him dressed much to his dismay and he looks up at me half being mean and half being funny (smile on his face) and says "I just don't want to look at your face anymore." while laughing. My normal first reaction when he says something completely off the wall is "Did you really just say that?" Then my second natural reaction learning it was what he said was holy shit, that was actually funny followed by laughter along with him. Then of course my third reaction was a long discussion on the way to school about how things like that can hurt people's feelings. Still no freakin clue where he got that one.
A few nights ago I was letting him watch "just one more Scooby Doo" which always turns into an argument about how I should let him watch "just one more" after that to which he never wins. Well, after his show ended and he knew it was bed time, being the master staller that he is, he decided to engage me as to why he shouldn't have to go to bed. After a few moot points that I shrug off, he looks at me with those pretty blue eyes and says, "But Mommy, it just takes a really long long time to wake up when I go to sleep". Of course, at a loss for words again I go blank thinking man, this is so true, he will be asleep 9 hours or so which is a long long time for a little kid. I started feeling sympathy until I realized that was exactly what he was trying to do and I was being outsmarted by a 3 year old and finally responded, "Yes son, that is the point. Let's go".
It is amazing to see this little thing that was nothing but spit up, poop, and crying turn into a reasoning, smart ass human in his short three years. All I can say is I have my work cut out for me with this one. And although we get frustrated with each other at times, its the bond that we make in these years that makes for an everlasting love for years to come. He may be a Momma's boy but that's not a bad thing, just ask your Mom.
You may not agree with my approach to his smart mouth but it works for us. Reasoning after the fact has become our go to tactic on how we deal with problems since reasoning during can be difficult and frustrating for a toddler. Unless I think it requires a quick hand to the backside. Regardless I always reason why he can't do something and why it is wrong.
Max has become a master story teller. And I'm talking about the kind of story that you tell around a campfire (which we frequently do). I am a classic listener and part of being a good listener is to engage and ask questions which I do in seminars or classes. Much to my dismay, no one has explained advanced communication skills to Max yet. I got in trouble the other day for asking him a question about what the the little pig's house was made of when he was telling the big bad wolf story. He said "You need to listen to me. You are not listening". I can truly say he has heard that a few hundred times so what did I expect?
Although this doesn't happen often, the second type of story telling he has engaged in recently is the lying/omitting important information. He got a spider stamp for Halloween that he was so excited about and asked me if he could open it and stamp something while I was cooking dinner one night. I said "Sure babe (my pet name for him), but you can only stamp on this piece of paper, nothing else, do you hear me?" He said, "Yes Mommy". I said, "Where do you stamp?" and he said, "The piece of paper." Get it, got it, good. About 5 minutes goes by and I go back in his playroom and check on him and there are green spiders all over his face. This is the point where I should have taken video and pictures for blackmail but I was laughing to hard inside to think clearly, just was able to plot my next move. I said, "Max, did you stamp anywhere other than that piece of paper?" He said, "No". I said, "You are sure you didn't stamp anywhere else?" He said "I didn't". I waited a minute and said "I'm going to ask you one more time, did you stamp anywhere else?" He said "No Mommy!" with an attitude. I said "Okay, come here for a minute. I want you to see something in the mirror" and pulled up his stool in front of the bathroom mirror to which he came slowly while asking "What is it?" He stepped up on it and immediately his face dropped like oh shit, I'm caught! He said, "I have green spiders on my face! Get it off!" (with panic) to which I busted out laughing and then helped him wash them off both of us laughing. We had a little discussion about lying later in the evening but he by no means got in trouble, I was laughing too hard.
Some of his stories get a little lengthy and far fetched and I sometimes have a tendency to let my mind wander and not listen as much especially when I have other things on my mind. Well, yesterday we were on our way home and he's telling me this whole analysis of what happened to his shoes (a few spots and scuffs on them) and my mind starts to drift elsewhere. We get home and I'm getting him out of the car and he's still talking about it and I said "Hmm...that's a big scuff mark on top there, do you drag your feet when you walk?" and he said "Mommy, that is NOT the problem. The problem is that I have spots and dirt around my shoes and on the bottom." (with a teenage attitude). My jaw just dropped. I have to say there are quite a few moments where he just catches me off guard and I am at a loss for words.
Max has become a really good staller mainly when I am getting him dressed in the morning and he "just wants to stay home". He would do anything to not get caught by me and slither out of my arms (sometimes going limp) including saying he "needs to go potty, needs something to drink, wants to eat his breakfast, needs to check the mail, needs to get a rock for his rock collection (in my car I might add)" all while whining and throwing a fit. One morning I was getting him dressed much to his dismay and he looks up at me half being mean and half being funny (smile on his face) and says "I just don't want to look at your face anymore." while laughing. My normal first reaction when he says something completely off the wall is "Did you really just say that?" Then my second natural reaction learning it was what he said was holy shit, that was actually funny followed by laughter along with him. Then of course my third reaction was a long discussion on the way to school about how things like that can hurt people's feelings. Still no freakin clue where he got that one.
A few nights ago I was letting him watch "just one more Scooby Doo" which always turns into an argument about how I should let him watch "just one more" after that to which he never wins. Well, after his show ended and he knew it was bed time, being the master staller that he is, he decided to engage me as to why he shouldn't have to go to bed. After a few moot points that I shrug off, he looks at me with those pretty blue eyes and says, "But Mommy, it just takes a really long long time to wake up when I go to sleep". Of course, at a loss for words again I go blank thinking man, this is so true, he will be asleep 9 hours or so which is a long long time for a little kid. I started feeling sympathy until I realized that was exactly what he was trying to do and I was being outsmarted by a 3 year old and finally responded, "Yes son, that is the point. Let's go".
It is amazing to see this little thing that was nothing but spit up, poop, and crying turn into a reasoning, smart ass human in his short three years. All I can say is I have my work cut out for me with this one. And although we get frustrated with each other at times, its the bond that we make in these years that makes for an everlasting love for years to come. He may be a Momma's boy but that's not a bad thing, just ask your Mom.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy (meningitis)
I wanted to share my experience with everyone so that if anyone else has to go through this they will go in with more info than I did. I asked on average 5 questions every time the Doctor walked through the door at the ER, hospital, Dr office and although I definitely don't feel as informed as a Doctor now, I do feel informed enough to share this. Just a warning that some of the pictures and descriptions are pretty pitiful.
My previous post into Max's odd ailment was written Wednesday October 24th. He had a great day that day and was even able to go get his fall soccer pictures made with his team that afternoon. All of his tests came back normal and we thought things were looking up. Thursday around 3:00pm I got a call from his school that he was crying and complaining of his head hurting but didn't have a fever. Well because he didn't have a fever I didn't jump right away to go get him, we already had proof there was nothing wrong (that we could see), and we thought he was just going through a tough time emotionally with some of the things he was dealing with at home and that he was just needing extra attention and didn't want to be at school. School commented maybe he would feel better if we just brought him some Tylenol down there (since they can't give it to him) so I start to make the trip to the store when it dawned on me that he was supposed to go home with a friend (Grayson) and his Mom should be picking them up soon and maybe I could just get her to bring some Tylenol. After setting that up and calling school back to let them know and to see if there was any improvement and found out there wasn't I decided to talk to him on the phone. Max is very good at verbalizing his feelings for a 3 year old as that is what most of our car ride conversations consist of. I thought telling him he would be going home with Grayson and that Miss Melissa would be bringing him some Tylenol would get the normal "Yayyyy!" reaction and it didn't, he was absolutely pitiful sounding saying "mommy, I still sick. I need you.", so I decided it would be best for me to come get him. After I picked him up around 4:00pm he started crying inconsolably to the point of hyperventilating where I had to pull over the car saying his head hurt and since I had just given him Tylenol we just rode home with him screaming and crying to give it time to kick in. About 30-45 minutes went by and he was still inconsolable so after consulting with Mom we decided it was time to go to the ER. Immediately after arriving there right at 5:00pm (we were the only ones in the waiting room at the time) and I picked up a clipboard to start filling out, he said his "throat was going to come out of his mouth" (how he verbalizes throwing up) and of course we didn't make it to the nearest trash can and he threw up all over the waiting room. We have deducted this incident was due to the pain he was feeling since he didn't have any other incidents like this until several days later. After getting in a room minutes later thus began the test and wait phase.
During this time Max was having hysterical inconsolable crying fits and banters where he would just repeat over and over again "I just want to go home. I just want to go home. My head hurts." This went on about an hour until he realized that was not going to work and he saw a Taco Bell commercial and we think he decided well if these assholes won't let me go home surely they won't let me starve so he yelled and cried for another hour "I just want a crunchy taco! The crunchiest taco." This gave a little comedic relief to a scary situation for days afterwards. And dummy smart ass mommy said "don't worry babe, they are open late for the 4th meal, we can get one on the way home" (unknowing there wasn't going to be any going home). This poor kid just wanted a crunchy taco. So exhausting what felt like every option, the kid is obviously still in pain but was good a hiding it when the nurses and Doctors came in (I don't think he likes being seen like that) I started thinking about what my friend Joanne said a day or two previous about being worried her son had meningitis because of him complaining about his back and vomiting and because it seemed to be more prevalent this year. Mom had her I-Pad so I had her look it up just as the nurse was coming in and saw him screaming in pain and immediately went and go get the Dr. Without me saying anything she sat behind him pushing on his back and asking if it hurt back there and decided she thought it would be best to exhaust all possibilities and run a final test, a spinal tap. Scary stuff, and I even weighed my option as far as do I really want to do this, do I really think it could be this. He had a lot of the symptoms but this is very evasive. I knew I wouldn't be able to leave not exhausting everything though so we went ahead and did it. They had to put him in a conscience sedation with me talking to him to keep him calm while he went to La la land, (how they go to sleep is normally how they wake up, if they are calm, they will be calm, if they are agitated, they will be agitated) which was by far the most difficult thing I had to do the entire hospital stay. Mom had to leave the room and I sat there bedside and watched his eyes dilate and stay open how I would imagine it would be to watch someone die. I know, its terribly morbid but that's the only description I can give it. It still haunts me. After 15 long minutes in the waiting room I was able to come back and see him and much to mine and the nurses surprise he was wide awake and upset. She said typically they will stay asleep the whole 45 minutes they have to lay still on their back after the procedure and seeing as it was now 12:00 am I thought he would do so. Not the case, so I'm back in the chair holding his hand again trying to calm him down to go back to sleep again except this time no sedation with his eyes closed (thankfully, don't think I could handle that again). Lindsay had gotten back to the hospital by this time and since she works in a different department in the same hospital and he knows that he looked up at her and said "Cici, can you just make all this stop?" before he lost the fight and went back to sleep never letting go of his lovey during the entire procedure.
Shortly after I finally got him back to sleep the Doctor came back in and told us that after staying 4 hours past her shift and there was still 25 minutes left on his spinal fluid test she was going to go home but good news was that the spinal fluid was clear and typically it is cloudy with meningitis so she was going to prepare our release papers. At this point we all were exhausted and ready to go home but frustrated again with no answers for a little boy in so much pain. The nurse brought in the papers, I set them in my purse and sat it on the end of the bed and we just had to wait for the final say from the Doctor who took over for the other very sweet wonderful Doctor who stayed with us almost the whole time we were in the ER. Shortly before 1:00am (I thought to myself uh oh, we missed 4th meal, hes going to be pissed) I see the also very sweet nurse who we bonded with during our long time there come in the room and start hooking up an IV bag. At this point, I said "That can't be good" and my heart and gut just sank. Of course the nurse can't give us any results or tell us anything but Lindsay started asking questions in a round about way and the sweet nurse's facial expressions said it all. At that point I had to turn around and walk to the corner of the room and try to compose myself as tears started streaming down. I was filled with confusion, relief to finally know what was wrong, angry at myself for doubting for a second that what he was feeling was not just an emotional reaction to a confusing time, scared for what was to come. How long would we be here? What am I going to do with a bouncing 3 year old in a hospital room? When the other Doctor came in shortly after it became a blur. I heard her say something about a week stay is average but if they find it to be bacterial could be upwards of several weeks. Now we have to wait on the Doctor on call at his Pediatric office then they can get us a room. She came in looking way better than myself at 2am but I could tell she had just rolled out of bed. She studied the file for what seemed like 10 minutes although I'm sure it was only a couple. When she came in she began to explain the process to us of how we find out what type of meningitis is it and how he got it. Immediately she remarked that they were leaning toward viral which is the less severe, shorter stay mostly because bacterial causes a painful itchy rash which he didn't have and the virus that causes the viral kind was going around. She said it would take 48 hours to get the results back from the spinal fluid test where they basically put it in a petri dish and wait to see if it grows bacteria on it (in which case its bacterial) but there was another blood test that has to be sent off that could come back as early as the next afternoon but was somewhat unlikely since we were getting on into the weekend, was possible we would have to wait until the spinal fluid test but if he was feeling better in that time we should be able to go home when they ruled out bacterial. Max stayed asleep during all of this after they had forced us to wake him up from the sedation to check on him briefly (which was impossible by the way) and since now at 2:00 am we were just waiting on a room, Lindsay who had to be to work at 7:00am graciously said she would stay for me to go home to take one of the quickest showers I have ever taken (because lord knows when I would get a chance to do that again), collect a bag of clothes and personal belongings for me and him and toys and movies of course (all the time thinking, how the hell am I going to entertain a 3 year old in the hospital?). Takes me 20 minutes to get home, 20 to shower and pack, and 20 to get back after forgetting to turn off several lights in the house so I arrive right at 3:00am. The sweet nurse who had taken such good care of us had waited for me to get back to take him to a room so less than 10 minutes after I arrived we were headed up to room 406. After finally getting settled and him back to sleep after being moved and having to explain to him that we could not go home for a while because we had to get him better (2nd hardest thing I had to do in the hospital) and they explained to me that we were in isolation because of the dangerous contagiousness of the disease if its bacterial and personnel would be entering with full sterilization gear, I finally got to my nice comfy (not!) couch and passed out around 4:00am. The Pediatrician on call came in at 7:15am that morning much to mine and Max's chagrin where he further explained viral meningitis to me and how the meningitis itself is not contagious, the enterovirus that causes it is contagious and that it has been going around and causes the doubled over extreme stomach pain. In order for it to turn into meningitis there has to be an underlying weakened immune system we deducted that was most likely caused by the virus he got one week previous to all of this that was a terribly nasty stomach bug I thought was the flu and had taken him to the Doctor for. Mom came up shortly after that since she was so worried and couldn't sleep and the rest of the day Friday and Saturday was spent trying to keep him entertained (luckily had lots of good people help us with that), keeping the pain regulated coordinating lunches and dinners with great friends who helped (finally got that crunchy taco as soon as they opened the next day BTW),
updating people via text message and Facebook, and the most daunting task of taking him to the bathroom. It wasn't bad enough this poor guy was hooked up to the IV stand we had to maneuver for him everywhere but he didn't even want to walk, his legs were weak and shaky, it would cause bad stomach pains and he would double over and scream, his back was sore so I had to carry him while Mimi followed with the IV stand and throw up bucket (hurt equally as much standing up and sitting down to pee so he would become nauseous). And both days went back and forth between having good times and bad times, he would feel good one minute and the next he was in great pain which I found out from my favorite nurse during his stay that was normal with meningitis and they would even have good days and bad days much like his good day the Wednesday of soccer pics and bad day Thursday trip to the ER.
Finally Sunday rolled around and since we still hadn't gotten the blood work sent to the Mayo Clinic to see if he tested positive for the enterovirus I was hoping to see what the bacterial test turned up. The Doctor on call that day told me it had not grown bacteria yet but he really wanted to give it one more day and get those blood results back. Ugh, frustrating, its been over 48 hours. The Doctor encouraged us to encourage him to get up and walk more after he showed him how he could do it coming back from the bathroom (so pitifully weak and wobbly and bent over) so I went to go ask the nurse if we could walk the halls which she agreed to with a mask on since we still hadn't gotten the final word on it being viral. Well by the time this all happened he wasn't having the mask and decided he would just walk to the couch. Well, something switched in his brain and he threw the most massive Exorcist type fit I have ever seen, screaming at the top of his lungs, would scream at the nurses when they came in to check on us, hit me, tried to bite me, it was terrible (3rd hardest thing to deal with in the hospital). The nurses were just picking up the phone to call the Doctor to come restrain him and sedate him when he finally calmed down because he wore himself out and fell asleep sitting up on the couch. Well another symptom of meningitis is extreme confusion at times and that's for sure what sparked his outburst and he would say "I want to watch a movie! I don't want to watch a movie! I want to watch a movie! I don't want to watch a movie!" When the Doctor came by in the evening he told me his primary Doctor would be the Doctor on call Monday and would be the one making the rounds so that gave me some comfort for a new day. Right as I was drifting off to sleep that night around 9:00pm the nurse came in and told me the test for enterovirus came back positive definitely finally declaring it the viral less severe type of meningitis. After that I couldn't sleep for several more hours from adrenaline. Finally his Doctor saw us around 8:00am Monday, Max woke up feeling better than any other day since we had been there, we knew it was viral, and were so excited to hear the words fall out of his mouth, well if you all are feeling up to it and get him around and moving more and pain is manageable you can go home later. Then I was able to confirm with the nurse he was not in isolation anymore and could walk up and down the halls (with IV stand in tow). We walked, we played, he went to the bathroom with no issues, just a little wobbly and hunched over like a drunk little old man and things went great so we decided we were ready to go home.
After finally napping peacefully together in the comfort of my own bed, he woke up in a great mood again after being disoriented waking up half way between. That should have been my first clue that we weren't in the clear because what proceeded was the absolute worst 24 hours of the entire virus. He was in so much pain he was screaming at the top of his lungs, his head hurt, his tummy hurt, then came the vomiting. Finally after talking to the on call nurse twice the Doctor called in some Tylenol with codeine to give him some relief to the only Pharmacy in town that was open at 11:00pm 25 miles away (thank the lord for Mimi). Well he couldn't keep anything down but was able to at least keep it down long enough to get the drowsiness and us get some rest (not to much for Mimi who kept him company on the couch). The next day was more of the same, extreme pain, still couldn't keep anything down including water and medicine so we got him back in to see the Doctor. At this point we are thinking, what the hell did we do leaving the hospital yesterday? After getting the okay from him that everything he was feeling was unfortunately normal and giving us some more medication that could potentially help including anti nausea, we went back home, drugged him up, and was finally able to give him a little relief for the remaining afternoon/evening. Wednesday was Halloween and although I knew it wouldn't be possible to take him trick or treating with the previous day we had we woke up with new encouragement. He had much more of a pep in his step that day and looked like he was actually feeling a lot better but we couldn't be sure, could it just be another good day after a bad day? I'm happy to report that it was just him getting better. The next day came and went and he was still doing good, then Saturday came, he hadn't had a fever in several days and throwing up for more than 36 hours so he got to go to his best friend's birthday party. He still wakes up with some stiffness, soreness, and a little crankiness but he's back to the normal, fun, energetic little guy I know and love. Okay...aside from the excess spoiledness caused mostly by his Mimi. So I have to fix the fact that he now screams "Mommyyyyyy!!!!" throughout the whole house just to get me to cover him up with his blanket, turn the channel on the TV, or get him some more Cheese Its. We are working on the "only yell if its an emergency, otherwise you need to get off your butt and come tell me what you need" but believe me, I would take that any day over what we went through.
Thanks to everyone who so graciously brought us food, toys, movies, visited, and asked about him. We truly are surrounded by some great people.
My previous post into Max's odd ailment was written Wednesday October 24th. He had a great day that day and was even able to go get his fall soccer pictures made with his team that afternoon. All of his tests came back normal and we thought things were looking up. Thursday around 3:00pm I got a call from his school that he was crying and complaining of his head hurting but didn't have a fever. Well because he didn't have a fever I didn't jump right away to go get him, we already had proof there was nothing wrong (that we could see), and we thought he was just going through a tough time emotionally with some of the things he was dealing with at home and that he was just needing extra attention and didn't want to be at school. School commented maybe he would feel better if we just brought him some Tylenol down there (since they can't give it to him) so I start to make the trip to the store when it dawned on me that he was supposed to go home with a friend (Grayson) and his Mom should be picking them up soon and maybe I could just get her to bring some Tylenol. After setting that up and calling school back to let them know and to see if there was any improvement and found out there wasn't I decided to talk to him on the phone. Max is very good at verbalizing his feelings for a 3 year old as that is what most of our car ride conversations consist of. I thought telling him he would be going home with Grayson and that Miss Melissa would be bringing him some Tylenol would get the normal "Yayyyy!" reaction and it didn't, he was absolutely pitiful sounding saying "mommy, I still sick. I need you.", so I decided it would be best for me to come get him. After I picked him up around 4:00pm he started crying inconsolably to the point of hyperventilating where I had to pull over the car saying his head hurt and since I had just given him Tylenol we just rode home with him screaming and crying to give it time to kick in. About 30-45 minutes went by and he was still inconsolable so after consulting with Mom we decided it was time to go to the ER. Immediately after arriving there right at 5:00pm (we were the only ones in the waiting room at the time) and I picked up a clipboard to start filling out, he said his "throat was going to come out of his mouth" (how he verbalizes throwing up) and of course we didn't make it to the nearest trash can and he threw up all over the waiting room. We have deducted this incident was due to the pain he was feeling since he didn't have any other incidents like this until several days later. After getting in a room minutes later thus began the test and wait phase.
During this time Max was having hysterical inconsolable crying fits and banters where he would just repeat over and over again "I just want to go home. I just want to go home. My head hurts." This went on about an hour until he realized that was not going to work and he saw a Taco Bell commercial and we think he decided well if these assholes won't let me go home surely they won't let me starve so he yelled and cried for another hour "I just want a crunchy taco! The crunchiest taco." This gave a little comedic relief to a scary situation for days afterwards. And dummy smart ass mommy said "don't worry babe, they are open late for the 4th meal, we can get one on the way home" (unknowing there wasn't going to be any going home). This poor kid just wanted a crunchy taco. So exhausting what felt like every option, the kid is obviously still in pain but was good a hiding it when the nurses and Doctors came in (I don't think he likes being seen like that) I started thinking about what my friend Joanne said a day or two previous about being worried her son had meningitis because of him complaining about his back and vomiting and because it seemed to be more prevalent this year. Mom had her I-Pad so I had her look it up just as the nurse was coming in and saw him screaming in pain and immediately went and go get the Dr. Without me saying anything she sat behind him pushing on his back and asking if it hurt back there and decided she thought it would be best to exhaust all possibilities and run a final test, a spinal tap. Scary stuff, and I even weighed my option as far as do I really want to do this, do I really think it could be this. He had a lot of the symptoms but this is very evasive. I knew I wouldn't be able to leave not exhausting everything though so we went ahead and did it. They had to put him in a conscience sedation with me talking to him to keep him calm while he went to La la land, (how they go to sleep is normally how they wake up, if they are calm, they will be calm, if they are agitated, they will be agitated) which was by far the most difficult thing I had to do the entire hospital stay. Mom had to leave the room and I sat there bedside and watched his eyes dilate and stay open how I would imagine it would be to watch someone die. I know, its terribly morbid but that's the only description I can give it. It still haunts me. After 15 long minutes in the waiting room I was able to come back and see him and much to mine and the nurses surprise he was wide awake and upset. She said typically they will stay asleep the whole 45 minutes they have to lay still on their back after the procedure and seeing as it was now 12:00 am I thought he would do so. Not the case, so I'm back in the chair holding his hand again trying to calm him down to go back to sleep again except this time no sedation with his eyes closed (thankfully, don't think I could handle that again). Lindsay had gotten back to the hospital by this time and since she works in a different department in the same hospital and he knows that he looked up at her and said "Cici, can you just make all this stop?" before he lost the fight and went back to sleep never letting go of his lovey during the entire procedure.
Shortly after I finally got him back to sleep the Doctor came back in and told us that after staying 4 hours past her shift and there was still 25 minutes left on his spinal fluid test she was going to go home but good news was that the spinal fluid was clear and typically it is cloudy with meningitis so she was going to prepare our release papers. At this point we all were exhausted and ready to go home but frustrated again with no answers for a little boy in so much pain. The nurse brought in the papers, I set them in my purse and sat it on the end of the bed and we just had to wait for the final say from the Doctor who took over for the other very sweet wonderful Doctor who stayed with us almost the whole time we were in the ER. Shortly before 1:00am (I thought to myself uh oh, we missed 4th meal, hes going to be pissed) I see the also very sweet nurse who we bonded with during our long time there come in the room and start hooking up an IV bag. At this point, I said "That can't be good" and my heart and gut just sank. Of course the nurse can't give us any results or tell us anything but Lindsay started asking questions in a round about way and the sweet nurse's facial expressions said it all. At that point I had to turn around and walk to the corner of the room and try to compose myself as tears started streaming down. I was filled with confusion, relief to finally know what was wrong, angry at myself for doubting for a second that what he was feeling was not just an emotional reaction to a confusing time, scared for what was to come. How long would we be here? What am I going to do with a bouncing 3 year old in a hospital room? When the other Doctor came in shortly after it became a blur. I heard her say something about a week stay is average but if they find it to be bacterial could be upwards of several weeks. Now we have to wait on the Doctor on call at his Pediatric office then they can get us a room. She came in looking way better than myself at 2am but I could tell she had just rolled out of bed. She studied the file for what seemed like 10 minutes although I'm sure it was only a couple. When she came in she began to explain the process to us of how we find out what type of meningitis is it and how he got it. Immediately she remarked that they were leaning toward viral which is the less severe, shorter stay mostly because bacterial causes a painful itchy rash which he didn't have and the virus that causes the viral kind was going around. She said it would take 48 hours to get the results back from the spinal fluid test where they basically put it in a petri dish and wait to see if it grows bacteria on it (in which case its bacterial) but there was another blood test that has to be sent off that could come back as early as the next afternoon but was somewhat unlikely since we were getting on into the weekend, was possible we would have to wait until the spinal fluid test but if he was feeling better in that time we should be able to go home when they ruled out bacterial. Max stayed asleep during all of this after they had forced us to wake him up from the sedation to check on him briefly (which was impossible by the way) and since now at 2:00 am we were just waiting on a room, Lindsay who had to be to work at 7:00am graciously said she would stay for me to go home to take one of the quickest showers I have ever taken (because lord knows when I would get a chance to do that again), collect a bag of clothes and personal belongings for me and him and toys and movies of course (all the time thinking, how the hell am I going to entertain a 3 year old in the hospital?). Takes me 20 minutes to get home, 20 to shower and pack, and 20 to get back after forgetting to turn off several lights in the house so I arrive right at 3:00am. The sweet nurse who had taken such good care of us had waited for me to get back to take him to a room so less than 10 minutes after I arrived we were headed up to room 406. After finally getting settled and him back to sleep after being moved and having to explain to him that we could not go home for a while because we had to get him better (2nd hardest thing I had to do in the hospital) and they explained to me that we were in isolation because of the dangerous contagiousness of the disease if its bacterial and personnel would be entering with full sterilization gear, I finally got to my nice comfy (not!) couch and passed out around 4:00am. The Pediatrician on call came in at 7:15am that morning much to mine and Max's chagrin where he further explained viral meningitis to me and how the meningitis itself is not contagious, the enterovirus that causes it is contagious and that it has been going around and causes the doubled over extreme stomach pain. In order for it to turn into meningitis there has to be an underlying weakened immune system we deducted that was most likely caused by the virus he got one week previous to all of this that was a terribly nasty stomach bug I thought was the flu and had taken him to the Doctor for. Mom came up shortly after that since she was so worried and couldn't sleep and the rest of the day Friday and Saturday was spent trying to keep him entertained (luckily had lots of good people help us with that), keeping the pain regulated coordinating lunches and dinners with great friends who helped (finally got that crunchy taco as soon as they opened the next day BTW),
updating people via text message and Facebook, and the most daunting task of taking him to the bathroom. It wasn't bad enough this poor guy was hooked up to the IV stand we had to maneuver for him everywhere but he didn't even want to walk, his legs were weak and shaky, it would cause bad stomach pains and he would double over and scream, his back was sore so I had to carry him while Mimi followed with the IV stand and throw up bucket (hurt equally as much standing up and sitting down to pee so he would become nauseous). And both days went back and forth between having good times and bad times, he would feel good one minute and the next he was in great pain which I found out from my favorite nurse during his stay that was normal with meningitis and they would even have good days and bad days much like his good day the Wednesday of soccer pics and bad day Thursday trip to the ER.
Finally Sunday rolled around and since we still hadn't gotten the blood work sent to the Mayo Clinic to see if he tested positive for the enterovirus I was hoping to see what the bacterial test turned up. The Doctor on call that day told me it had not grown bacteria yet but he really wanted to give it one more day and get those blood results back. Ugh, frustrating, its been over 48 hours. The Doctor encouraged us to encourage him to get up and walk more after he showed him how he could do it coming back from the bathroom (so pitifully weak and wobbly and bent over) so I went to go ask the nurse if we could walk the halls which she agreed to with a mask on since we still hadn't gotten the final word on it being viral. Well by the time this all happened he wasn't having the mask and decided he would just walk to the couch. Well, something switched in his brain and he threw the most massive Exorcist type fit I have ever seen, screaming at the top of his lungs, would scream at the nurses when they came in to check on us, hit me, tried to bite me, it was terrible (3rd hardest thing to deal with in the hospital). The nurses were just picking up the phone to call the Doctor to come restrain him and sedate him when he finally calmed down because he wore himself out and fell asleep sitting up on the couch. Well another symptom of meningitis is extreme confusion at times and that's for sure what sparked his outburst and he would say "I want to watch a movie! I don't want to watch a movie! I want to watch a movie! I don't want to watch a movie!" When the Doctor came by in the evening he told me his primary Doctor would be the Doctor on call Monday and would be the one making the rounds so that gave me some comfort for a new day. Right as I was drifting off to sleep that night around 9:00pm the nurse came in and told me the test for enterovirus came back positive definitely finally declaring it the viral less severe type of meningitis. After that I couldn't sleep for several more hours from adrenaline. Finally his Doctor saw us around 8:00am Monday, Max woke up feeling better than any other day since we had been there, we knew it was viral, and were so excited to hear the words fall out of his mouth, well if you all are feeling up to it and get him around and moving more and pain is manageable you can go home later. Then I was able to confirm with the nurse he was not in isolation anymore and could walk up and down the halls (with IV stand in tow). We walked, we played, he went to the bathroom with no issues, just a little wobbly and hunched over like a drunk little old man and things went great so we decided we were ready to go home.
Thanks to everyone who so graciously brought us food, toys, movies, visited, and asked about him. We truly are surrounded by some great people.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Nothing ever goes as planned - Max's 3rd birthday party
Big thanks to Anna and Jonathan for making this one we will never forget.
I honestly don't know what I was thinking. I mean, Max and I have really made some great friends this year and renewing old friendships when we needed them most earlier this year but deciding to invite 50 of our nearest and dearest to our house for his 3rd birthday may have been pure insanity (around 30 came). Of course, I wouldn't have had it any other way as it turned out to be most memorable for Max and all his friends and lets be honest, I just love hosting. I can't even count how many people we have told about "his horse at his birthday party" this week. I just wish I would have gotten to enjoy it a little more myself.
I spent the majority of my evenings Tuesday through Friday cleaning and making the homemade lemonade, apple cider, seeding jalapenos etc. so when Saturday rolled around I was less than stressed. I knew I had stuff to do but I didn't feel rushed at all. It wasn't until about 3:30 that I knew I was going to be pushing it but I knew if I texted Amber and got her to come over so she could help and Brook could hang with Max we would be all good. Max woke up from his nap right around 4:00 and I could tell immediately he was not in a great mood. I turned on the TV for him and left him on the couch to keep getting things ready when he started crying. I asked him what was wrong and he just kept saying "owie, my tummy". Amber, Brook, and Kyla got here around that time and he became inconsolable just crying uncontrollably almost to the point of hyperventilating He wouldn't even let me leave him with Brook and Kyla while I showed Amber what needed to be done in the kitchen. I literally spend the next 45 minutes holding him, sitting with him, calling his Dr, calling my Mom and sister trying to decide if we needed to just go to the hospital. I decided it would be best to wait until they got here to see what if they could figure out what was going on and for the nurse to call me back. Shortly after they got here, the horse did and a couple friends so he wanted to get down to see everyone and the poor kid could barely even walk, took a few steps and would start crying uncontrollably again and want to be held again saying "owie, my tummy". Well, after talking to the nurse (right when everyone was getting here) and although he wasn't consistent in telling us where exactly it hurt (hes 3 though so not surprising) we all became worried about his appendix. That's about when I started to cry, feeling like the poor guy was going to miss his own 3rd birthday party with a horse and everything. Feeling Mimi had things under control with keeping him comfortable I started back in the kitchen getting things ready. Amber and Kyla luckily had all 100 jalapeno halves stuffed and baking but I still had 45 cupcakes to ice, drinks to put out, snacks to put out, etc. About that time I noticed Max had let Anna pick him up and lead the horse around and posed for pics and began to move around a little bit although very pale looking. But the more the night went on the better he seemed to feel which was baffling since he spent an hour and a half in pain to the point where he couldn't walk. And everything kitchen and food wise got done (with help from Amber, Kyla, and Melissa for the beautiful cupcake decorator) but I did spend the whole first hour of the party in the kitchen where I should have been able to get it done beforehand. Oh well, I should have known, nothing ever goes as planned. However, it was a wonderful party, I had a blast, and Max had a blast as you will see the pictures below, after an interesting start...
Since then, he ran a low grade fever that night and the next day which finally spiked Monday and broke Tuesday and has still had intermittent stomach pain although not as bad as Saturday. We have had tests run and still don't really have any answers. We are still testing a few less severe things out but of course it could always just be a virus. He is feeling much better.
I honestly don't know what I was thinking. I mean, Max and I have really made some great friends this year and renewing old friendships when we needed them most earlier this year but deciding to invite 50 of our nearest and dearest to our house for his 3rd birthday may have been pure insanity (around 30 came). Of course, I wouldn't have had it any other way as it turned out to be most memorable for Max and all his friends and lets be honest, I just love hosting. I can't even count how many people we have told about "his horse at his birthday party" this week. I just wish I would have gotten to enjoy it a little more myself.
Since then, he ran a low grade fever that night and the next day which finally spiked Monday and broke Tuesday and has still had intermittent stomach pain although not as bad as Saturday. We have had tests run and still don't really have any answers. We are still testing a few less severe things out but of course it could always just be a virus. He is feeling much better.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Why I will not be watching vampire sex
I remember watching "Interview with the Vampire" with my brother around what must have been High School years since I was a frequent tag along with him and his friends. I never really understood why he let his little sister tag along so much but I am now very grateful of what all the older influences taught me about life, pop culture, and friendship. I shutter to think of how naive I would be and especially around those years (I was still very naive) without those influences. But, after watching the movie I remember thinking how cool the whole vampire darkness of the movie was and how sensual it seemed although the movie's plot had nothing to do with that. Maybe it was Brad Pitt in his younger years that was so sexy, or the idea of sucking someone's neck, or maybe just the whole darkness and mystery of the characters that made me think that but none the less I did. And I remember thinking later after what a great movie that was there was not more vampire type movies out there for years to come afterwards. Well, now movie and television is innondated with vampire themed shows and movies some 18 years later. And I am not planning to partake in any of it.
Some of my friends who are avid "True Blood" watchers were trying to convince me of what an amazing show this was and how I should watch it, especially because I LOVE several of the shows out there now like Breaking Bad, Dexter, Californiacation, Homeland, Shameless, Spartacus and Sons of Anarchy (currently watching) just to name a few. Well, I actually contemplated maybe I should, especially because the shows on pay channels seem to be much better. But then I remembered why I was boycotting vampire shows shortly after, around the time one of the Twilight movies was being released (must have been either New Moon or Eclipse). Well, it was because of the Twilight series in short. First off, I don't plan on reading or watching what teeny boppers do now a days. No offense to the teeny boppers but I am grown and don't plan on looking at teenagers (although not in real life) as eye candy. I personally prefer manly men who are close to my age and on my level (although I am beginning to think I might be on my own level). I also think that in a lot of these shows the vampires are being over sexualized rather than actually having a plot worth watching. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all about the adult content but there has to be something other than that to keep me coming back for more. I have decided that romance is just not my genre. I would rather stab myself with a fork most of the time than watch a cheesy romance movie or show. I also value the shows that are more realistic and incorporate real life and history into them. If these vampire shows would say incorporate 18th century Eastern Europe and how the vampire supersitition effected their lives it would be more appealing. For instance "Spartacus" although very sexual gives you a glimpse into what the Roman Empire was like. And lets be honest, those are some pretty manly men and I like it and vampires are blood sucking pussies.
Anyways, just thought I would share my view on this topic.
Some of my friends who are avid "True Blood" watchers were trying to convince me of what an amazing show this was and how I should watch it, especially because I LOVE several of the shows out there now like Breaking Bad, Dexter, Californiacation, Homeland, Shameless, Spartacus and Sons of Anarchy (currently watching) just to name a few. Well, I actually contemplated maybe I should, especially because the shows on pay channels seem to be much better. But then I remembered why I was boycotting vampire shows shortly after, around the time one of the Twilight movies was being released (must have been either New Moon or Eclipse). Well, it was because of the Twilight series in short. First off, I don't plan on reading or watching what teeny boppers do now a days. No offense to the teeny boppers but I am grown and don't plan on looking at teenagers (although not in real life) as eye candy. I personally prefer manly men who are close to my age and on my level (although I am beginning to think I might be on my own level). I also think that in a lot of these shows the vampires are being over sexualized rather than actually having a plot worth watching. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all about the adult content but there has to be something other than that to keep me coming back for more. I have decided that romance is just not my genre. I would rather stab myself with a fork most of the time than watch a cheesy romance movie or show. I also value the shows that are more realistic and incorporate real life and history into them. If these vampire shows would say incorporate 18th century Eastern Europe and how the vampire supersitition effected their lives it would be more appealing. For instance "Spartacus" although very sexual gives you a glimpse into what the Roman Empire was like. And lets be honest, those are some pretty manly men and I like it and vampires are blood sucking pussies.
Anyways, just thought I would share my view on this topic.
Friday, October 5, 2012
A Mother's Pity Party
I felt like I should give other people a chance to join my pity party today. I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of emotion for the past week over various things and I feel like writing down some of the helpful thoughts will help me get through (at least the ones that are appropriate for everyone's viewing).
I think its only natural for a mother to think of themselves last when they have other people who need your love, feelings, and attention. But at what expense does that leave you? You are the backbone of the family, the one who gets up in the middle of the night for the 3am feedings, nightmares, wet beds, and when they just want mommy. Your mental wellness is essential for keeping the family going. Take care of yourself. Don't be too prideful to ask for help. Everyone does it in some way, shape, or form. Be quick to forgive and forget, and don't harbor resentment for your child and anyone else in your life BUT more importantly yourself. There is no way that is the "right way" except your own way. Only you know what is best for your child, you are the Mom, not anyone else. You are allowed mis-steps and mistakes and do not let anyone convince you otherwise as you will find they are not so perfect themselves. When these things happen, do not dwell, nothing you can do now can change the outcome. You are allowed to show weakness as it will show your children you are human and how to deal with it. Do not compare yourself with other people and your problems to theirs. Everyone is different and none less than the other. Do not pity yourself and your feelings by saying "it could be worse", this does not make your problems and feelings less serious. You are NEVER alone when you have people who love and support you. These people will give you reassurance when you need it. Only worry about people who worry about you and are worth your feelings. You cannot please everyone. Only worry with the things you can control and do not let the things you cannot control you.
These are just some things I have had to tell myself (with much help and encouragement of others) to get through the yuckiness I am feeling lately. Thanks to everyone who helped me compile this for your encouraging words.
I think its only natural for a mother to think of themselves last when they have other people who need your love, feelings, and attention. But at what expense does that leave you? You are the backbone of the family, the one who gets up in the middle of the night for the 3am feedings, nightmares, wet beds, and when they just want mommy. Your mental wellness is essential for keeping the family going. Take care of yourself. Don't be too prideful to ask for help. Everyone does it in some way, shape, or form. Be quick to forgive and forget, and don't harbor resentment for your child and anyone else in your life BUT more importantly yourself. There is no way that is the "right way" except your own way. Only you know what is best for your child, you are the Mom, not anyone else. You are allowed mis-steps and mistakes and do not let anyone convince you otherwise as you will find they are not so perfect themselves. When these things happen, do not dwell, nothing you can do now can change the outcome. You are allowed to show weakness as it will show your children you are human and how to deal with it. Do not compare yourself with other people and your problems to theirs. Everyone is different and none less than the other. Do not pity yourself and your feelings by saying "it could be worse", this does not make your problems and feelings less serious. You are NEVER alone when you have people who love and support you. These people will give you reassurance when you need it. Only worry about people who worry about you and are worth your feelings. You cannot please everyone. Only worry with the things you can control and do not let the things you cannot control you.
These are just some things I have had to tell myself (with much help and encouragement of others) to get through the yuckiness I am feeling lately. Thanks to everyone who helped me compile this for your encouraging words.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Hey you! You want fries with that?! How about a milk shake?
I have heard many of my friends say lately "What has happened to good old customer service" followed by a horrific story at a restaurant or grocery store or clothing store, etc. Working in the service industry, I feel like I am more hypercritical than I should be when going to any other service based establishment so I definitely can understand where they are coming from when contemplating what has happened to "good old customer service". The service industry has changed significantly since I even started working my first banking job in 2003. No one ever seems happy anymore and most positively not happy to see you the customer who is coincidentally the reason they have their service industry job in the first place. I get so excited when I go to a place where I actually receive above and beyond customer service to the point where I ask them where I can fill out a survey or speak to their boss. I actually did that to a guy the other day at Dick's Sporting Goods when I was shopping for Max's soccer stuff. Since Max isn't even 3 yet, he is reasonably small and young compared to the other little soccer players and I had a very hard time finding any items to fit him in the store (granted I only had 4 days notice before he was to play his first game and I waited until the day before) so the first guy I saw walking towards the soccer area I said "Can you please help me?!" I asked him about the sizes of cleats they had out and shin pads and he told me he would look for me to see if any other shin pads were in the back (I needed XS) if I would go see John in the shoe dept and see if they had any other cleats that would fit him there since there were none his size where the rest of the gear is. Well he found the shin pads for me but John becomes my super man for the day, not only finding me the smallest size possible in cleats but also cutting the price of the nice Under Armor ones he found in half. Then since he was giving me the "youth soccer package deal" that comes with the ball and shin pads asked if I had picked those out yet to which I replied "No, but I'm afraid that might be an issue too". So he walked me over there, got the size 3 soccer ball and then while looking at socks he informs me that might actually be the problem because they don't carry small enough socks for Max. As I am contemplating what to do I see these socks with built in shin pads and ask him if those are included with the soccer package and he tells me "Well no...but lets just come up here, I think we can make it work." He then walks me to the cash register and rings me up himself (with the cashier whose drawer it was looking on). I walked out of there that day as happy as I could be because I had soccer gear for my little boy who was having his very first game the next day and with $80 worth of stuff for $45. Needless to say I took the survey on the receipt that night.
Unfortunately, that is not the normal now a days as the service industry has become more driven by greed and sales. This in turn has caused a more abrasive customer service approach not concentrated on "What can I do for you today?" but "What can you do for me today?" I remember my first banking job we had continuing education courses (actual sit down classes, not online) that were based on basic communication skills like listening to your customers, effectively communicating with them, and common courtesies. At the time these classes seemed like a waste of my time and waste of company money because I felt like this was what I thought were common courtesies and this is just how I was brought up to treat people. So was I wrong? Or maybe smiling and making eye contact with your patrons were not common everyday courtesies before as I thought they were and now that corporations have cut back on such classes as these no one is learning this anymore? Now a days most of the classes I have taken are based on "needs based customer sales" which is a great concept when it is actually used as such. Instead a lot of institutions use these sales based classes in order to push the "flavor of the week". I actually had a funny experience not too long ago in Walgreens where I was waited on this very slow moving monotoned man in his mid to late 30s in the photo dept. Well, once I left I realized I forgot to order one of the photos I needed so I had to return except this time he wasn't in the photo department where he worked, he was covering the cashier who went on break. So he slowly shuffled his feet back to the photo department to meet me where I stood for the second time that day and he said "Can I help you?" in complete monotoned unsmiling fashion and I joked "Yeah, I'm back again. I forgot to get a print I needed" and gave him my last name again. He handed it to me then said he would meet me at the register where I got to about 5 full seconds before he did (I'm not an incredibly fast walker). He scanned my item and totaled it, told me my total, then as I am swiping my card he says again in his wonderful monotoned voice "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to ask you if you want a candy bar, or a magazine I think. I don't really know, I'm just covering." I just said "No thanks, I'm good today" with a giggle and barely got through the front door before I just busted out in laughter saying to myself "Did that really just happen?"
I have now worked for several different institutions, been actively involved with the merging of 3 of them (counting us purchasing another institution) so I feel like I have seen the evolution from small business into corporate business and I have to say personally for me I definitely prefer where I am now with the small hometown bank. I may get somewhat bored at times (although I'm working on a project now that seems like it will take years to finish) but I love really knowing and building a relationship with all my customers who walk in the door. I like knowing about their kids and dogs and no good ex husbands and offering them something to drink when they come in (although we both wish it was alcoholic some days). We have a common saying in those small banks where we know we have the same old stuff every other big bank has but "What sets us apart is our customer service". And I do get the pleasure of working with a lot of the new faces of the new employees (many of them first time bankers) who come to work with us and have devised a list of proper office etiquette that can be unfortunately not common practices now a days like not eating or chewing gum in front of customers, always end personal phone calls or any other projects not involving customers when a customer walks in, thanking the customer for their business, taking ownership of customer problems, and never making negative comments to customers to name a few.
The service industry and dealing with people on a daily basis is not for everyone but companies need to better equip their employees of common customer courtesies and proper office etiquette. I also want to state that I am not overlooking customer over entitlement as a problem sometimes. But by providing customers with better customer service it seems like it would help weed out the proper entitlement from over entitlement felt by customers. And furthermore, it seems like you would see an increase in sales with an increase in good customer service in order to pacify the need for development and growth within these companies as I will definitely be spending more money at Dick's Sporting Goods when I have a need to. So how do we go back to this?
Big shout out to my co-workers on this one. We feed off of each other's personalities and good customer service skills. Without you, I would probably be much less pleasant. You have also seen me at my worst and at my best and you still stick by me. You are like family and really we have to be since we see each other 1/3 of all the time in a week.
Unfortunately, that is not the normal now a days as the service industry has become more driven by greed and sales. This in turn has caused a more abrasive customer service approach not concentrated on "What can I do for you today?" but "What can you do for me today?" I remember my first banking job we had continuing education courses (actual sit down classes, not online) that were based on basic communication skills like listening to your customers, effectively communicating with them, and common courtesies. At the time these classes seemed like a waste of my time and waste of company money because I felt like this was what I thought were common courtesies and this is just how I was brought up to treat people. So was I wrong? Or maybe smiling and making eye contact with your patrons were not common everyday courtesies before as I thought they were and now that corporations have cut back on such classes as these no one is learning this anymore? Now a days most of the classes I have taken are based on "needs based customer sales" which is a great concept when it is actually used as such. Instead a lot of institutions use these sales based classes in order to push the "flavor of the week". I actually had a funny experience not too long ago in Walgreens where I was waited on this very slow moving monotoned man in his mid to late 30s in the photo dept. Well, once I left I realized I forgot to order one of the photos I needed so I had to return except this time he wasn't in the photo department where he worked, he was covering the cashier who went on break. So he slowly shuffled his feet back to the photo department to meet me where I stood for the second time that day and he said "Can I help you?" in complete monotoned unsmiling fashion and I joked "Yeah, I'm back again. I forgot to get a print I needed" and gave him my last name again. He handed it to me then said he would meet me at the register where I got to about 5 full seconds before he did (I'm not an incredibly fast walker). He scanned my item and totaled it, told me my total, then as I am swiping my card he says again in his wonderful monotoned voice "Oh yeah, I'm supposed to ask you if you want a candy bar, or a magazine I think. I don't really know, I'm just covering." I just said "No thanks, I'm good today" with a giggle and barely got through the front door before I just busted out in laughter saying to myself "Did that really just happen?"
I have now worked for several different institutions, been actively involved with the merging of 3 of them (counting us purchasing another institution) so I feel like I have seen the evolution from small business into corporate business and I have to say personally for me I definitely prefer where I am now with the small hometown bank. I may get somewhat bored at times (although I'm working on a project now that seems like it will take years to finish) but I love really knowing and building a relationship with all my customers who walk in the door. I like knowing about their kids and dogs and no good ex husbands and offering them something to drink when they come in (although we both wish it was alcoholic some days). We have a common saying in those small banks where we know we have the same old stuff every other big bank has but "What sets us apart is our customer service". And I do get the pleasure of working with a lot of the new faces of the new employees (many of them first time bankers) who come to work with us and have devised a list of proper office etiquette that can be unfortunately not common practices now a days like not eating or chewing gum in front of customers, always end personal phone calls or any other projects not involving customers when a customer walks in, thanking the customer for their business, taking ownership of customer problems, and never making negative comments to customers to name a few.
The service industry and dealing with people on a daily basis is not for everyone but companies need to better equip their employees of common customer courtesies and proper office etiquette. I also want to state that I am not overlooking customer over entitlement as a problem sometimes. But by providing customers with better customer service it seems like it would help weed out the proper entitlement from over entitlement felt by customers. And furthermore, it seems like you would see an increase in sales with an increase in good customer service in order to pacify the need for development and growth within these companies as I will definitely be spending more money at Dick's Sporting Goods when I have a need to. So how do we go back to this?
Big shout out to my co-workers on this one. We feed off of each other's personalities and good customer service skills. Without you, I would probably be much less pleasant. You have also seen me at my worst and at my best and you still stick by me. You are like family and really we have to be since we see each other 1/3 of all the time in a week.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Women are from Pluto?! Men are from Uranus?!
I thought the use of Pluto here since its not really a planet and Uranus, for obvious reasons, would be the best fit in this title.
There have been several studies lately relating to the brain function of men and women. It has now been said that women have a more white matter and think more with their whole brains better than men due to the extended network of brain processors the white matter provides and men have more grey matter, 4% more brain cells, and think more with their left sides of their brains. No wonder we tend to over analyze everything and men can't multi-task. Women also have a deeper limbic system in the brain than men which controls feelings and emotions. This is also why men aren't as "in touch" with their feelings as women. See guys, you really do have an excuse. It has also been thought that men must have a larger section of the brain that produced more aggression than women but it has been discovered that women are equal in that aspect but assert their aggression in language with the better language skills from all that white matter. So this is why men tend to be more physically aggressive (which we won't complain about in the bedroom right ladies?) and women have a tendency to say cutting word like "You are selfish!" when arguing. But, this is not supposed to be a science lesson, more like satirical stereotyping.
Let me start by saying, this does not at all reflect anyone other than what I have experienced myself. Don't get your panties in a wad if you feel like this is about you, find comfort that I'm not using your name and if you take offense to this and are that "self-centered" to think it is all about you we may need to re-evaluate our friendship anyways. Also, I tried to make this as even as possible.
Women and men, its okay to agree to disagree to end an argument. This by no means admits defeat on either side and (women) this does not mean that your man is necessarily mad.
Women, if your man says after an argument everything is fine, let it go, do not bring it up again. Go about your normal life, sleep in your normal place with your arm around his chest.
Women, if your man says nothing is wrong then nothing is wrong. Stop asking. Are you sure nothing is wrong? Well, now it is because you won't shut up asking me.
Men, if you are angry about something that was not done correctly or to your standards say your peace and be done with it. Feel free to laugh about your woman accidentally making your underwear pink in the laundry because after its done there is nothing she can do about it and your yelling does not change that. I'm sure she has learned her lesson and will be happy to buy you more.
Women, just because your man doesn't want to hold your hand or kiss you in public does not mean he loves you any less. He just doesn't have that brain functionality as I explained earlier and is afraid to get his man card revoked.
Women and men, do not compare your significant other or relationship to anyone else's. Its annoying. That's great your girlfriend's husband brings home flowers once a week for his wife. Flowers die. And I appreciate that your best friend's wife packs his lunch and has dinner ready for him every night when he gets home. I would love to do that for you but cooking and doing house chores won't necessarily pay the bills.
Women, men are not mind readers. In fact, they are completely opposite. Sometimes you even have to point out the obvious. I cannot emphasize this enough. Your man doesn't know you need help doing the dishes or running the kids somewhere without you telling them and even then you might have to tell them exactly where to put the dishes and exactly where the soccer field is because like I said, sometimes you have to point out the obvious. Which brings me to...
Men, before going straight to the asking where something is or goes, use common sense. In the time it takes you to come ask me and me to tell you the extra diapers are in the closet or the baby lotion is in the far left basket on the top shelf of the changing table you probably could have found it yourself.
Women, if you are going to cry about dumb things like movies or breaking a nail don't expect your man to make you feel better. Furthermore, emotions should try to be contained during arguments as men find this annoying. Its not a good weapon and doesn't work because they suck at dealing with women who are emotional.
Men, when we are telling you about a problem with our family or at work, etc we probably just want you to listen. If we specifically ask for your opinion, you might want to check and make sure we really want your opinion then go ahead and give it to us. But that is the only occasion where we want your opinion on what to do, otherwise, just listen and look sympathetic. You don't have to fix everything you come in contact with.
Women, we know we talk a lot. A really lot! Don't expect men to listen to everything you say as long as they act like they are. Just the important things, and make sure to outline that it is important and keep it simple. And remember what I said about men only using one side of their brain and not being good at multi-tasking? Well, I suggest if its important you not tell him while hes doing anything else (especially watching TV).
Men, do not expect women to be as logical as you are. That's why you are a left brain thinker. The reason being is best summarized in this article. "It can only compare like things quantitatively and then apply pre-established rules to produce a result or decision. It is a powerful tool in its sphere, but its sphere is limited and completely uncreative." There are two key components you see here that us women do not do, 1. rules, 2. uncreative (Why do you think Pintrest is so popular?).
Men, it only takes 2 minutes after you groom yourself and get rid of all the hair and nail clippings, etc on the bathroom counter. Just remember, we could start leaving tampons all over (hopefully no one I know already does that).
Men, you are not dying when you are sick. Remember when I had the same virus and still got up, got the kids to school, got the kids to soccer, got dinner ready, etc. If you are going to whine and complain, just stay in bed and don't bother us until you are better.
Men, if you are going to fart on me just remember me doing it to you is fair game. Its better than the alternative (see South Park season 13 episode 4).
Women, if you say you are "fine", men take it literally. If you are not "fine" say so then and resolve the problem before it escalates. As stated above, men are not mind readers and a lot of times the things we see as obvious are not to them and never will be no matter how many times we pout and huff and puff around the house.
Men, do not use women for the sole blame for your not getting any. More often, you are too tired, stressed, or possibly having physical issues that we care not to embarrass you about. Subsequently...
Women, do not use sex as a weapon. If you are abstaining, do not expect your man to abstain as well from the use of porn, looking a little too hard at the neighbor walking to get the paper in her sexy nightgown, talking a little too long with the mail lady with the big rack, or for more serious offenders finding it elsewhere.
Women, its not a "compromise" if you are not doing any of the compromising. We tend to over use this word or use it when its not valid. Furthermore, there are some things that will never been compromised and we just have to learn to accept that.
Men, be up front and honest about your feelings towards any particular situation. It's okay to sometimes treat your girlfriend's feelings like she is fragile but not when it comes at the extent of your beliefs and happiness. In other words, in these situations find a happy medium between being an asshole and a pussy. If you don't want to take professional pictures in matching Christmas sweaters for you and the dogs then speak up.
Women, you have the common misconception that we can change men. Men are by no means exempt from this as well as they can try to change women too (i.e. turn a hoe into a housewife). If you cannot learn to live with the imperfections and idiosyncrasies of the other person, you need to go ahead and move on to the next.
And most importantly, women and men, let the past be just that. Your past relationships, arguments, and problems should never have anything to do with your present and future with your significant other. This is probably the #1 ruiner of relationships. Every relationship molds you into what you do and don't want in your next relationship but that by no means is a reason to stalk your current boyfriend because your past one cheated on you. Or any time there is an argument bringing up how your girlfriend embarrassed you while she was drunk and picked a fight with you at a party. Learn to accept them for who they are or what they/or exes may have done and move on from these things or move on from the relationship.
I feel like I have become very wise in my years of relationships and hope I continue to gain knowledge of how men and women's minds work. We are definitely very different creatures, aliens from different planets who converge in the name of companionship and the hope to find someone to drive you crazy for the rest of your life.
There have been several studies lately relating to the brain function of men and women. It has now been said that women have a more white matter and think more with their whole brains better than men due to the extended network of brain processors the white matter provides and men have more grey matter, 4% more brain cells, and think more with their left sides of their brains. No wonder we tend to over analyze everything and men can't multi-task. Women also have a deeper limbic system in the brain than men which controls feelings and emotions. This is also why men aren't as "in touch" with their feelings as women. See guys, you really do have an excuse. It has also been thought that men must have a larger section of the brain that produced more aggression than women but it has been discovered that women are equal in that aspect but assert their aggression in language with the better language skills from all that white matter. So this is why men tend to be more physically aggressive (which we won't complain about in the bedroom right ladies?) and women have a tendency to say cutting word like "You are selfish!" when arguing. But, this is not supposed to be a science lesson, more like satirical stereotyping.
Let me start by saying, this does not at all reflect anyone other than what I have experienced myself. Don't get your panties in a wad if you feel like this is about you, find comfort that I'm not using your name and if you take offense to this and are that "self-centered" to think it is all about you we may need to re-evaluate our friendship anyways. Also, I tried to make this as even as possible.
Women and men, its okay to agree to disagree to end an argument. This by no means admits defeat on either side and (women) this does not mean that your man is necessarily mad.
Women, if your man says after an argument everything is fine, let it go, do not bring it up again. Go about your normal life, sleep in your normal place with your arm around his chest.
Women, if your man says nothing is wrong then nothing is wrong. Stop asking. Are you sure nothing is wrong? Well, now it is because you won't shut up asking me.
Men, if you are angry about something that was not done correctly or to your standards say your peace and be done with it. Feel free to laugh about your woman accidentally making your underwear pink in the laundry because after its done there is nothing she can do about it and your yelling does not change that. I'm sure she has learned her lesson and will be happy to buy you more.
Women, just because your man doesn't want to hold your hand or kiss you in public does not mean he loves you any less. He just doesn't have that brain functionality as I explained earlier and is afraid to get his man card revoked.
Women and men, do not compare your significant other or relationship to anyone else's. Its annoying. That's great your girlfriend's husband brings home flowers once a week for his wife. Flowers die. And I appreciate that your best friend's wife packs his lunch and has dinner ready for him every night when he gets home. I would love to do that for you but cooking and doing house chores won't necessarily pay the bills.
Women, men are not mind readers. In fact, they are completely opposite. Sometimes you even have to point out the obvious. I cannot emphasize this enough. Your man doesn't know you need help doing the dishes or running the kids somewhere without you telling them and even then you might have to tell them exactly where to put the dishes and exactly where the soccer field is because like I said, sometimes you have to point out the obvious. Which brings me to...
Men, before going straight to the asking where something is or goes, use common sense. In the time it takes you to come ask me and me to tell you the extra diapers are in the closet or the baby lotion is in the far left basket on the top shelf of the changing table you probably could have found it yourself.
Women, if you are going to cry about dumb things like movies or breaking a nail don't expect your man to make you feel better. Furthermore, emotions should try to be contained during arguments as men find this annoying. Its not a good weapon and doesn't work because they suck at dealing with women who are emotional.
Men, when we are telling you about a problem with our family or at work, etc we probably just want you to listen. If we specifically ask for your opinion, you might want to check and make sure we really want your opinion then go ahead and give it to us. But that is the only occasion where we want your opinion on what to do, otherwise, just listen and look sympathetic. You don't have to fix everything you come in contact with.
Women, we know we talk a lot. A really lot! Don't expect men to listen to everything you say as long as they act like they are. Just the important things, and make sure to outline that it is important and keep it simple. And remember what I said about men only using one side of their brain and not being good at multi-tasking? Well, I suggest if its important you not tell him while hes doing anything else (especially watching TV).
Men, do not expect women to be as logical as you are. That's why you are a left brain thinker. The reason being is best summarized in this article. "It can only compare like things quantitatively and then apply pre-established rules to produce a result or decision. It is a powerful tool in its sphere, but its sphere is limited and completely uncreative." There are two key components you see here that us women do not do, 1. rules, 2. uncreative (Why do you think Pintrest is so popular?).
Men, it only takes 2 minutes after you groom yourself and get rid of all the hair and nail clippings, etc on the bathroom counter. Just remember, we could start leaving tampons all over (hopefully no one I know already does that).
Men, you are not dying when you are sick. Remember when I had the same virus and still got up, got the kids to school, got the kids to soccer, got dinner ready, etc. If you are going to whine and complain, just stay in bed and don't bother us until you are better.
Men, if you are going to fart on me just remember me doing it to you is fair game. Its better than the alternative (see South Park season 13 episode 4).
Women, if you say you are "fine", men take it literally. If you are not "fine" say so then and resolve the problem before it escalates. As stated above, men are not mind readers and a lot of times the things we see as obvious are not to them and never will be no matter how many times we pout and huff and puff around the house.
Men, do not use women for the sole blame for your not getting any. More often, you are too tired, stressed, or possibly having physical issues that we care not to embarrass you about. Subsequently...
Women, do not use sex as a weapon. If you are abstaining, do not expect your man to abstain as well from the use of porn, looking a little too hard at the neighbor walking to get the paper in her sexy nightgown, talking a little too long with the mail lady with the big rack, or for more serious offenders finding it elsewhere.
Women, its not a "compromise" if you are not doing any of the compromising. We tend to over use this word or use it when its not valid. Furthermore, there are some things that will never been compromised and we just have to learn to accept that.
Men, be up front and honest about your feelings towards any particular situation. It's okay to sometimes treat your girlfriend's feelings like she is fragile but not when it comes at the extent of your beliefs and happiness. In other words, in these situations find a happy medium between being an asshole and a pussy. If you don't want to take professional pictures in matching Christmas sweaters for you and the dogs then speak up.
Women, you have the common misconception that we can change men. Men are by no means exempt from this as well as they can try to change women too (i.e. turn a hoe into a housewife). If you cannot learn to live with the imperfections and idiosyncrasies of the other person, you need to go ahead and move on to the next.
And most importantly, women and men, let the past be just that. Your past relationships, arguments, and problems should never have anything to do with your present and future with your significant other. This is probably the #1 ruiner of relationships. Every relationship molds you into what you do and don't want in your next relationship but that by no means is a reason to stalk your current boyfriend because your past one cheated on you. Or any time there is an argument bringing up how your girlfriend embarrassed you while she was drunk and picked a fight with you at a party. Learn to accept them for who they are or what they/or exes may have done and move on from these things or move on from the relationship.
I feel like I have become very wise in my years of relationships and hope I continue to gain knowledge of how men and women's minds work. We are definitely very different creatures, aliens from different planets who converge in the name of companionship and the hope to find someone to drive you crazy for the rest of your life.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Not the blue goal?
I have recently become a soccer mom (although not sure if I really fit the soccer mom persona) to a not even 3 year old yet and I tell you what, it is the absolute cutest darn thing I have ever seen. Pure chaos and bundles of energy running in every direction but the right one, balls going in the wrong goal, tripping over their own feet, all while the coaches and parents are yelling directions. I have also learned that this can be a little much for a little guy (or girl) to handle as Max had the most tale telling pouty look on his face from the moment we stepped onto the field to the time we left that day.
For a kid who always rolls with the punches, even traveled 12 straight hours in one day the week before with little protest, I have to say I was somewhat shocked and embarrassed. Of course as a parent you think "what am I doing wrong?" when your child acts bratty and whiny and it can be hard to train yourself how to not make it a reflection of what you are doing or have done and more of finding out what is going on in that little mind of theirs. But even for such a verbal little fellow who frequently talks about feelings with me when I asked him what his problem was (may have been through gritted teeth) he couldn't say anything at all. It was all overwhelming. We literally had just found out 4 days earlier that he was going to get to play, had his first practice one day later and then his first game. He had just gotten his new gear including shiny new soccer ball that afternoon before and wait a minute, another kid kicked my ball during warm ups? Kid, you are pushing your luck, that ball has my name on it. "M-A-X marks the spot" as he says. And everyone else has these pretty green shirts they are wearing. And then what's the deal with this whole different group of kids wearing different color shirts? Who the hell are they and who told them they could kick our ball? And what happened to having several balls at once (like practice)? And then as he told me "I want to kick it into the blue goal, not the red one!" And then the sharing aspect is totally blown out of the water. You mean to tell me Mom, you have been telling me we have to share all my life and now you can just run up to whomever has the ball and take it from them? But only after the whistle blows? But then when the whistle blows it has to be our turn to kick it first? What if I want to kick it before the whistle blows? What do you mean I can't do that? I just want to kick the ball. "Where is Grayson? I just want to play with my friend." I told you I wanted to kick it into the blue one, why are you trying to get me to kick it into the red one? Where is he going with the ball? And I still haven't gotten to kick the ball. What do you mean we won? "I just want to go home!"
I have to say, the whole 30 or 45 minutes or however long it lasted (I have no idea since I was dealing with cranky pants the whole time) was just no fun. I would say his total playing time (after much encouragement) was approximately 4 minutes. I blame myself for a lot of it. Max does very well when he is told what is going to happen. That's always the first thing he asks when we get in the car "Where are we going? What are we going to do?" Looking back, he probably needed a little bit more detail and insight rather than "to the soccer game". I feel kind of like a Dora the Explorer episode most of the time when I tell him (on the trip to Colorado for instance) we are going "in Cici's car to the airport, where we ride a shuttle to the airplane we fly in, then a train (tram) to get our luggage, then a bus though the mountains, to Ryan's rental car, which will take us to Aunt Di's rental house" but that way he knew what to expect and when and therefore did fine. There wasn't much talk about what happens at a soccer game leading up to the soccer game. I also have since recorded a soccer game on TV which I am hoping I can keep his attention on just for 5 minutes while I explain some things.
And of course ultimately if he decides he doesn't want to play he doesn't have to but I do think its important for him to try and try lots of different things too. Organized sports taught me a lot about comradery, ups and downs, "how to overcome adversity", time management, and how important structure is in a young person's life and I would love nothing more than my son to have a better understanding of these things.
For a kid who always rolls with the punches, even traveled 12 straight hours in one day the week before with little protest, I have to say I was somewhat shocked and embarrassed. Of course as a parent you think "what am I doing wrong?" when your child acts bratty and whiny and it can be hard to train yourself how to not make it a reflection of what you are doing or have done and more of finding out what is going on in that little mind of theirs. But even for such a verbal little fellow who frequently talks about feelings with me when I asked him what his problem was (may have been through gritted teeth) he couldn't say anything at all. It was all overwhelming. We literally had just found out 4 days earlier that he was going to get to play, had his first practice one day later and then his first game. He had just gotten his new gear including shiny new soccer ball that afternoon before and wait a minute, another kid kicked my ball during warm ups? Kid, you are pushing your luck, that ball has my name on it. "M-A-X marks the spot" as he says. And everyone else has these pretty green shirts they are wearing. And then what's the deal with this whole different group of kids wearing different color shirts? Who the hell are they and who told them they could kick our ball? And what happened to having several balls at once (like practice)? And then as he told me "I want to kick it into the blue goal, not the red one!" And then the sharing aspect is totally blown out of the water. You mean to tell me Mom, you have been telling me we have to share all my life and now you can just run up to whomever has the ball and take it from them? But only after the whistle blows? But then when the whistle blows it has to be our turn to kick it first? What if I want to kick it before the whistle blows? What do you mean I can't do that? I just want to kick the ball. "Where is Grayson? I just want to play with my friend." I told you I wanted to kick it into the blue one, why are you trying to get me to kick it into the red one? Where is he going with the ball? And I still haven't gotten to kick the ball. What do you mean we won? "I just want to go home!"
I have to say, the whole 30 or 45 minutes or however long it lasted (I have no idea since I was dealing with cranky pants the whole time) was just no fun. I would say his total playing time (after much encouragement) was approximately 4 minutes. I blame myself for a lot of it. Max does very well when he is told what is going to happen. That's always the first thing he asks when we get in the car "Where are we going? What are we going to do?" Looking back, he probably needed a little bit more detail and insight rather than "to the soccer game". I feel kind of like a Dora the Explorer episode most of the time when I tell him (on the trip to Colorado for instance) we are going "in Cici's car to the airport, where we ride a shuttle to the airplane we fly in, then a train (tram) to get our luggage, then a bus though the mountains, to Ryan's rental car, which will take us to Aunt Di's rental house" but that way he knew what to expect and when and therefore did fine. There wasn't much talk about what happens at a soccer game leading up to the soccer game. I also have since recorded a soccer game on TV which I am hoping I can keep his attention on just for 5 minutes while I explain some things.
And of course ultimately if he decides he doesn't want to play he doesn't have to but I do think its important for him to try and try lots of different things too. Organized sports taught me a lot about comradery, ups and downs, "how to overcome adversity", time management, and how important structure is in a young person's life and I would love nothing more than my son to have a better understanding of these things.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Article: "How to bitch about having a kid"
The only real point of my blog post today is to share this article because I thought it was a hilarious depiction of how not to sound like an asshole while bitching about your child. I mean lets be honest, every parent has been there one time or another, some weeks, months, or years more than others and its ok and normal to feel this way. So enjoy.
On a side note, if anyone needs to find me this weekend expect that I will be at home watching football and cooking insane amounts of food while listening to music because thats how I roll during college football season.
On a side note, if anyone needs to find me this weekend expect that I will be at home watching football and cooking insane amounts of food while listening to music because thats how I roll during college football season.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Just another week
Just another week in the life. I did complete a couple of projects this week although most of my week was spent catching up on sleep and a couple of TV shows I missed via my Olympic hang over. But it dawned on me today, the first day of school for kids in this district and also a decided at the last minute vacation day for myself that fall was right around the corner. The day started a little bit cooler than recent temperatures, even though it really didn't stay that way. And I couldn't help despite my laziness most of the day today but be happy and excited. Fall has easily become my favorite time of year. Cooler weather, nothing but football to do all day on a Saturday, cooking all the fall foods I love in between games, having friends over or going to friends' houses because every Saturday is a reason to celebrate, I mean, whats not to love? Anyways, as excited as I was about the impending Summer Olympics this year, I am equally as excited for fall...well, lets be honest, fall football.
Okay, so my projects this week consisted of a printable monogram gift for my boss's birthday that was just printed on good paper from "For Chic Sake" that I absolutely fell in love with and will probably end up doing at least one for myself.
Okay, so my projects this week consisted of a printable monogram gift for my boss's birthday that was just printed on good paper from "For Chic Sake" that I absolutely fell in love with and will probably end up doing at least one for myself.
The other project I finished for myself is using a towel rack with curtain rings (spray painted black) for my necklaces. I had them on hooks in my closet which was functional but there were too many on one hook and this just looks prettier.
Lastly, I wanted to follow up with a couple other projects I had started but not finished. One was a button monogram for myself hanging on my closet door and the other was the magnetic board for my makeup that is now completed. They have both been done for a couple weeks just keep forgetting to update.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Oreo Cheesecakes and wedding gifts
Wow, what a week last week! It seemed like every day we had something going on or I was working on some project (one of them too 4 days by itself to complete). Not to mention with the closing ceremonies of the Olympics this weekend, the past two weeks have been pretty well dedicated to catching up on the day's action when I'm not at work (recorded all of NBC's coverage). All while trying to keep up with my favorite almost 3 year old and going into work on Saturday. My first and most important project of the week was working on wedding gifts for Luke and Sherri (fabulous to see them). Since I am slightly obsessed with Pintrest, I decided on wedding invitation ornaments (invitation of morbidly shredded with a paper shredder and stuffed into a clear glass ornament or in this case 2 and tied with a pretty ribbon instead of clear fishing wire) and wedding date number picture (photo's are taken of the wedding date throughout town and put into a 3 hole frame)...
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| Thanks to Scott for the 24 picture of a house in Madison photo shopped |
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| Thought I did a good job on the wrapping. :-) |
Warning: Next segment is NOT gluten free...
Then, my BIG project of the week was a gauntlet challenge by Harley of remaking the new Oreo Dream Cheesecake as made by the Cheesecake Factory for Oreo's 100th birthday. And since this just came out a few weeks beforehand there were no copycat (semi-homemade) recipes yet. After reading the reviews on what all the layers consisted of I devised what I thought was a plan. I also decided to tackle each of the layers separately due to my limited time at night to complete this and so the layers that needed to set could. Night one consisted of layer one, the chocolate cake bottom (used a regular cake mix, put 1/2 in 9 inch round, made cupcakes later out of the remainder) and layer 2 (cheesecake layer with whole Oreo's inside, used this recipe minus strawberry topping and graham cracker crust). Now obviously since I was making it at night the second layer was where I had to stop so it could set overnight. Day 2 consisted of making layer 3 Oreo Mousse (using white chocolate pudding instead of regular chocolate) and spreading it on the cheesecake layer still in the spring form pan. Its about this time I realize the mousse layer is going to be too thin to spread the topping (chocolate icing) on top so I decide to freeze the mousse/cheesecake layer to make is solid. Day 3 consisted of putting all the layers together and icing the cheesecake all around with chocolate icing which was challenging at best due somewhat sliding around the mousse layer...
Day 4 was doing chocolate covered Oreo's with a dollop of vanilla icing on top and Oreo's with vanilla icing on top with a chocolate chip then a few hours later lining them around the cake, putting crushed Oreo's in the middle, and sticking chocolate chips around the sides which was somewhat of my own touch on top but looked great...
...for about 30 minutes until the topping which was too heavy for the mousse layer and the icing started sliding down the sides. Oh well...still tasted good and looked about as close as you can get...
I then got a great surprise for all my hard work and that is the real thing Harley brought back from Nashville...
Cosmetically it looks way better. If anyone has any suggestions on how to make the mousse layer thicker feel free to let me know. I think that will solve my problem. Otherwise, its a keeper...
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
And I thought my 20s were cool...
My 20s were the time of my life, drinking, partying, staying up late, being carefree. There is no one to tell you what to do anymore and its nice to be able to let your hair down, make adult decisions after having someone tell you what to do all your life. Or so I thought...
Now I am only about three months into my 30s but already I feel like its a totally different era for me. Now, I can't deny the fact that I'm sure my life changing event that happened earlier this year has factored into the way I feel but I feel more at ease with myself than I have ever felt. Now don't get me wrong, I can still let my hair down and party with the best of them but its less of a priority of who I am now and fewer and farther in between. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with not really having all the free time that I used to have and being physically exhausted when I do as well. But I also plan my weekends now based on what activities Max and I are going to do making what (if any) alone time I get an after thought. He and I are a team and if you get one, you get the other (especially since I'm starting to wonder if there is still an umbilical cord attached somewhere). And although he is a total hand full at times (example: pulling his pants down and going pee in front of 50 people or so at a river function this weekend. Sorry people, hes newly potty trained), he is more and more fun and funny every day and is a large source of love and entertainment for me. Lets be honest, my life would be boring and dull without him.
Another thing I have noticed about being 30 and other people who are 30 is that they really don't give a shit about what everyone thinks about them anymore. What you see is what you get. Now, don't get me wrong, I felt this way before (mainly in my mid and late 20s) but it seems to be more universal and intensified. Just saying people...don't ask me my opinion if you don't want an honest one because I'm not going to sugar coat it anymore. And I think in general people in their 30s are better at communicating to you how they feel and valuing your honest feelings over not giving their true feelings because it may not be what you want to hear. I can think of a few occasions where I have asked a friend recently "Am I being stupid over this (issue)?" Friend: "Yes." Me: "Okay. I will stop.", and then I move on without even dwelling or thinking twice about it.
I feel like you spend so much of your 20s still trying to figure out who you are and what you are doing here and what you like and what you don't. All of your life experiences mold you into who you are but I think you have a better sense of who that person is by the time you turn 30 and fewer mis-steps. I did a lot of stupid shit in my teens and twenties that have given me that life experience into knowing what I do and don't want to do in the future. I definitely believe you can learn more from your mis-steps, than your successful endeavors. It feels like the more you get to really know and understand yourself, the easier and more fun life gets. Although I know a lot of people who say things like "I wish I could be young and carefree again and not have to worry about some of my adult problems", seeing my toddler, life can still be challenging and frustrating when you are an adolescent. Then of course teenage years are just pure hell, trying to assert your independence, being defiant, getting in trouble, being socially awkward, and always worrying about what your peers think. And your 20s although much better than your teens, you are still trying to find yourself and with a fairly new sense of independence, it can be very challenging and mistakes come easy. I actually find it ironic now, I cried and/or had a panic attack every year on my birthday in my 20s knowing I was getting older and closer to that 30 mark and this year on my 30th, I threw a party, I didn't shed a tear, didn't panic about anything including getting the party ready, just was nice, tranquil, and relaxing.
So for whoever came up with the adage "life beings at ___(insert age, hear it with all sorts of different ones)", I really feel like my life, having a clearing understanding of myself, re-begins at 30.
Now I am only about three months into my 30s but already I feel like its a totally different era for me. Now, I can't deny the fact that I'm sure my life changing event that happened earlier this year has factored into the way I feel but I feel more at ease with myself than I have ever felt. Now don't get me wrong, I can still let my hair down and party with the best of them but its less of a priority of who I am now and fewer and farther in between. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with not really having all the free time that I used to have and being physically exhausted when I do as well. But I also plan my weekends now based on what activities Max and I are going to do making what (if any) alone time I get an after thought. He and I are a team and if you get one, you get the other (especially since I'm starting to wonder if there is still an umbilical cord attached somewhere). And although he is a total hand full at times (example: pulling his pants down and going pee in front of 50 people or so at a river function this weekend. Sorry people, hes newly potty trained), he is more and more fun and funny every day and is a large source of love and entertainment for me. Lets be honest, my life would be boring and dull without him.
Another thing I have noticed about being 30 and other people who are 30 is that they really don't give a shit about what everyone thinks about them anymore. What you see is what you get. Now, don't get me wrong, I felt this way before (mainly in my mid and late 20s) but it seems to be more universal and intensified. Just saying people...don't ask me my opinion if you don't want an honest one because I'm not going to sugar coat it anymore. And I think in general people in their 30s are better at communicating to you how they feel and valuing your honest feelings over not giving their true feelings because it may not be what you want to hear. I can think of a few occasions where I have asked a friend recently "Am I being stupid over this (issue)?" Friend: "Yes." Me: "Okay. I will stop.", and then I move on without even dwelling or thinking twice about it.
I feel like you spend so much of your 20s still trying to figure out who you are and what you are doing here and what you like and what you don't. All of your life experiences mold you into who you are but I think you have a better sense of who that person is by the time you turn 30 and fewer mis-steps. I did a lot of stupid shit in my teens and twenties that have given me that life experience into knowing what I do and don't want to do in the future. I definitely believe you can learn more from your mis-steps, than your successful endeavors. It feels like the more you get to really know and understand yourself, the easier and more fun life gets. Although I know a lot of people who say things like "I wish I could be young and carefree again and not have to worry about some of my adult problems", seeing my toddler, life can still be challenging and frustrating when you are an adolescent. Then of course teenage years are just pure hell, trying to assert your independence, being defiant, getting in trouble, being socially awkward, and always worrying about what your peers think. And your 20s although much better than your teens, you are still trying to find yourself and with a fairly new sense of independence, it can be very challenging and mistakes come easy. I actually find it ironic now, I cried and/or had a panic attack every year on my birthday in my 20s knowing I was getting older and closer to that 30 mark and this year on my 30th, I threw a party, I didn't shed a tear, didn't panic about anything including getting the party ready, just was nice, tranquil, and relaxing.
So for whoever came up with the adage "life beings at ___(insert age, hear it with all sorts of different ones)", I really feel like my life, having a clearing understanding of myself, re-begins at 30.
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